Jealousy Issues with older sister

[missmariah]

Hello Scarleteen!

I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this.. I’m sorry if it’s not. So today my family and I learned that my older sister and her husband are expecting their 1st child. I’ve been begging them since the day they got married to have a baby so you’d think I would be excited. I am very excited but there’s just a tiny part of me that’s just like “ughhh” because it just seems like nothing lately has been working out in mine and my boyfriends favor but of course everything is working out great for my sister and her husband. After they announced the pregnancy today I kind of went off on a tangent about how everyone I know is moving on in their life except me. My sister knows me so well that she knew I’d react this way so she bought me an “auntie” t shirt. I’m not normal. I have A.D.D so stuff like this upsets me easily.

Let me give you a little bit of a background story. I’m 26 and I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy for the past 3 1/2 years. My only issue is that we both can’t afford to move out of our parents houses. This past December he was rejected from a great job that he really wanted. This job really would have helped us out immensely. He’s 4 years older than me and he has a 12 year old daughter. He wants to get married and have more kids but he’s not in a stable job right now to be able to do that.

So this is why I’m here.. is there anyway you can give me pointers on how to stop being envious of my sister? I feel like she gets everything she wants. I feel like once my boyfriend and I get engaged my parents aren’t going to be as excited because they’ve already been through all this with my sister. I hate being the youngest of the family sometimes.

[Sam W]

Hi missmariah,

This is a good spot for this topic! For starters, this article contains some helpful thoughts on jealousy, including ways to deal with it when it arises: Jealousy: Making Friends With a Green-Eyed Monster.

There are a few ways you can approach this situation. One is dial your investment in your sisters life way down. It's totally okay to be interested in or have feelings about how she's doing, but things like "begging" her to have a kid are putting more investment into her life choices than is helpful for either of you. Too, it may also help to remember that you're likely getting the "highlight reel" of what's going on in her life; she's sharing all the exciting and good things, while keeping the frustrating, sad, or exhausting things she's dealing with out of the limelight, y'know?

Instead of focusing energy on what's going on with her, it can help to instead focus on your own relationships and hobbies, things that make you feel good or enrich your life. For instance, how are things with your boyfriend? How is your relationship with his daughter? How is pursuing the creative, professional, academic, or personal goals you have for yourself going right now?