How can I tell if she likes me?

[Sabine]

I met this girl at a Speed Dating event sponsored by a dating site I don’t go onto (this holding on that matchmaking event). And she was very friendly and very warm. She followed my instagram and I followed hers. She lives in Colorado and I am still debating about whether I can be in a relationship or not. But either way, I want to video chat with her and continue to talk to her. I am having a small crush on her. However, I am wondering whether she likes me or not.

She has responded to me in the past even with my long questions and also she has seen my stories. She also ask me questions in the past and if she hasn’t responded immediately she was busy in the past, but I’m not so sure anymore if it’s just an excuse or not. She asks questions about my travels and about me. By the way, I commented on one of her photos saying her dog is cute and she said “umm and not me”. I said “Yeah you too ”. And she liked it. I said I wanted to go to Colorado and she said “Well you always have a place to crash” (which may be hers, idk).

She has not responded to my texts yet. I sent her one short one saying I was back from holiday and asking her how was her weekend. Clearly, she is busy and didn’t have time to respond. First, how can I tell whether she is flirting with me or not and how can I ask her politely? Second, how can I not worry about it? How can I not be so anxious about whether she likes me or not? And finally, how can I signal to her subtly (and eventually overtly) that I like her? I do not want to overdo it, yet get it just right.

[Sabine]

I didn’t mean to repeat the same sentence sorry! I mean’t to say she asked me questions often.

[Sam W]

Hi Sabine,

I want to tackle the worry element first, since it's something that's been a recurring issue for you. Have you been able to raise these worries with your therapist at all? If so, how did that conversation go?

[Sabine]

Oh we talked about other stuff. But I mainly am distracting, but thats not enough.

But I want to address whether she likes me or not first probably.

[Sabine]

Thats what I mainly want to know, so I can evaluate the situation. I really want to evaluate it as close as I can so that I know how to act appropriately and not worry about it so much.

[Sam W]

Got it. So, as I think we've touched on before, there are certain things that can indicate a person is interested in you; initiating conversations or keeping conversations going, making playful or (nicely) teasing comments, bringing up sex or romance, things like that. But the only way to know whether or not she likes you is to ask her. Do you feel ready to do that?

Have you told your therapist that the distraction technique isn't working? Usually people develop a few different tools to help manage anxious thoughts.

[Sabine]

Well, I feel like I am worried and I want to ask her, but I don’t want to intrude on her. She already is so busy and I don’t want to further stress her. I’m sure she likes me because the way she flirts like that comment “um and not me” and the comment her DMS offering her place to say when I wanted to go to Colorado.

Yes, I think I have. But maybe we should work it out. “Thoughts like cars, you can choose to let it pass and/or park it” like my mom often says because I have much stronger compulsive thoughts and lingering anxiety. Maybe subsides and never goes away.

[Sabine]

One of my therapists and I mainly talked about my therapy and what Corna has been like for me life wise btw.

[Mo]

It looks like Sam touched on this in your other thread, but I think it may be helpful to ask your therapist for more or different techniques for dealing with compulsive or intrusive thoughts; they can so stressful and disruptive and it sounds like you might need some extra help in finding ways to combat them.