Ways to help with bottom dysphoria for trans girls/transfeminine enbys?

[Sky H]

So I'm a nonbinary trans girl. That means that I am amab and feel more like a girl, but not fully a girl. Some call it demigirl, but I don't like that label.

I often feel dysphoric about my genitals and I don't know what to do about that. I can not tuck because I don't have the stuff I need and I'm unable to get it at the moment.

Is there a way to help with that?

[Sam W]

Hi Sky H,

Dysphoria can be such a pain, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. So I can get a sense of what your supports are like, are you currently seeing a mental health provider? And do you have many connections to other transfeminine folks, either in your area or online?

Can I ask what particular things you're missing for tucking? Too, have you noticed that things like wearing certain underwear or using certain terms for your genitals (even if it's just in your own head) seem to help lessen the dysphoria? And do you notice the dysphoria only cropping up when you think of your body in certain contexts?

[Sky H]

Hi Sky H,

Dysphoria can be such a pain, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. So I can get a sense of what your supports are like, are you currently seeing a mental health provider? And do you have many connections to other transfeminine folks, either in your area or online?

Can I ask what particular things you're missing for tucking? Too, have you noticed that things like wearing certain underwear or using certain terms for your genitals (even if it's just in your own head) seem to help lessen the dysphoria? And do you notice the dysphoria only cropping up when you think of your body in certain contexts?

No, I'm not seeing a mental health provider, I'm probably not going to be able to for a while. And no, I don't know a single transfeminine person.

So I don't have gaff. I don't want to use tape because I'd have to shave down there, which makes me uncomfortable and kinda dysphoric. But also honestly, I'm scared of tucking, more specifically that I'll hurt myself somehow.
Different underwear doesn't help, a weird thing is that feminine underwear makes me even more uncomfortable.
Using different terms helps, but only when dysphoria is mild, when it's strong it doesn't help at all.
I'm not sure what do you mean by "when you think of your body in certain contexts".

[Sam W]

Got it, thanks for all that information.

So, I asked about whether you know other transfeminine folks for a few reasons. One is simply support; dealing with things like dysphoria can be a little easier if you have folks in your life who've gone through the same thing and can maybe offer advice. But trans spaces, or spaces like LGBT centers, are also often places that can help you access things like gaffs. Would you be interested in exploring those spaces, even if that exploration is mainly online?

I agree that avoiding tape is a sound call. If you haven't already seen it, this article has some starting places for options other than gaffs, including information on how to tuck safely: Trans Summer School: Gender Expression Gear. There are an increasing number of underwear manufacturers (like TomBoyX) who make underwear specifically designed to help people tuck comfortably, and those might be more accessible/affordable for you.

With the context question, I was mainly wondering if there are certain situations that tend to make your bottoms dysphoria flair, such as sex or masturbation.

[Sky H]

Got it, thanks for all that information.

So, I asked about whether you know other transfeminine folks for a few reasons. One is simply support; dealing with things like dysphoria can be a little easier if you have folks in your life who've gone through the same thing and can maybe offer advice. But trans spaces, or spaces like LGBT centers, are also often places that can help you access things like gaffs. Would you be interested in exploring those spaces, even if that exploration is mainly online?

I agree that avoiding tape is a sound call. If you haven't already seen it, this article has some starting places for options other than gaffs, including information on how to tuck safely: Trans Summer School: Gender Expression Gear. There are an increasing number of underwear manufacturers (like TomBoyX) who make underwear specifically designed to help people tuck comfortably, and those might be more accessible/affordable for you.

With the context question, I was mainly wondering if there are certain situations that tend to make your bottoms dysphoria flair, such as sex or masturbation.

Yes, I definitely would be interested in exploring trans spaces. There is an lgbt Jugendzentrum (It's like a place made for teens and young adults to hang out) nerby, but my mum doesn't allow me to go there because "there are all kinds of people out there". I'm not sure what's that supposed to mean, but probably she's scared for me and I don't know why, we're in a pretty safe country for lgbt folks. But until I can go to an irl place, online will do. I just don't know where to look.

Thanks, I'll see if I can maybe get underwear like that. Also, the link you sent me doesn't explain tucking in detail, it briefly mentions it, yes, but I don't see info on safety, other than "don't use tape". It's still a really useful link for other things that I wanted to learn about, but didn't know when.

While masturbation does make it worse often, and for sex it would be so bad that I can't even imagine having it before bottom surgery, I'm more talking about other things. Like when I have to pee, or when the scrotum relaxes and I can feel it existing, or basically anything else that reminds me that I have the genitals I have.

[Sam W]

Okay! When it comes to online spaces, these boards are actually a great starting place to chat with other queer and trans folks. The next place I'd suggest checking out is to actually see if the place you mentioned is offering things like digital meetups or groups; a lot of LGBT centers have moved their programming online as a means of keeping their community safe during the pandemic.

Here we go, these articles go into more depth about how to tuck and what people do to tuck safely is a gaff isn't an option: https://pointofpride.org/gaffs-101-tuck ... mfortably/, https://pointofpride.org/trans-femme-sh ... -resources. I did just check, and both TomboyX and Origami Customs make tucking underwear for trans feminine folks and ship internationally.

Since it sounds like bottom dysphoria crops up quite a bit, I want to highlight this resource: https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magaz ... ans-folks/. It's written about broader dysphoria, but are there any strategies in it that jump out at you as things you could try?

[Sky H]

Okay! When it comes to online spaces, these boards are actually a great starting place to chat with other queer and trans folks. The next place I'd suggest checking out is to actually see if the place you mentioned is offering things like digital meetups or groups; a lot of LGBT centers have moved their programming online as a means of keeping their community safe during the pandemic.

Here we go, these articles go into more depth about how to tuck and what people do to tuck safely is a gaff isn't an option: https://pointofpride.org/gaffs-101-tuck ... mfortably/, https://pointofpride.org/trans-femme-sh ... -resources. I did just check, and both TomboyX and Origami Customs make tucking underwear for trans feminine folks and ship internationally.

Since it sounds like bottom dysphoria crops up quite a bit, I want to highlight this resource: https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magaz ... ans-folks/. It's written about broader dysphoria, but are there any strategies in it that jump out at you as things you could try?

Thank you so much for the resources, especially the article on dysphoria, it's the best one I've ever read and has some really useful tips.

[Sam W]

You're welcome, I'm so glad it was helpful!