Being feminine as a trans guy

[IAmScared]

I feel that it's OK to be feminine as a trans guy and even wear some female clothes.I like to experiment with fashion. From make up I only want eye pencil,to be clear.I'd like to be able to look and dress the way I want to,in the end ,the only reason why I'm this feminine is because I was raised 18 years as a girl (and maybe because I'm gay )
Don't get me wrong, I like short hair,I like my flat chest,my Adam's apple,my deep voice,my muscles,facial hair and I hate to have a period.I AM a boy.Just a bit feminine. I wish people around me would understand that. When I play with flowers ,my grandpa always says that boys don't like flowees.I do not want to paint my nails.But I would like to wear female shorts.How do I talk to my mum about being more feminine,without her being upset (she doesn't doubt my gender,but the rest of people I live with do and make me choose between being strictly feminine or strictly masculine)?

[Siân]

It's absolutely okay!

Dressing more or less "masculine" or "feminine" doesn't make you any more or less trans, it's just choosing ways of presenting that feel right.

Whether you're trans or cis, only you get to decide what clothes, hairstyles and cosmetics feel good for you and fit the way you want to present. It doesn't make your gender any less "real", after all your gender is inside of you - not in the shoes you wear. Besides, experimenting with lots of different options can be fun!

If you want some context, take a look at this advice column from Mo: As a trans person, how can I navigate authentic gender expression and avoid the identity police?

I'm sorry that you are living with people who aren't supportive of your presentation - how are you coping at the minute? Are there lockdown restrictions in Croatia?

[care_witch]

I agree with you that it's definitely okay to be a feminine trans guy. I was assigned the gender of female at birth (AFAB) and I identify as trans and non-binary. When I first came out as transgender I had a a lot of uncertainty because I have never been very "masculine". It was helpful to for me to meet other trans people who didn't identify or present as strictly "masculine" or "feminine". You totally get to figure out what works best for you AND it's totally normal for that to change over time.

It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of who you are and how you want to present. Does that feel like something you could talk about with your mom, the way you talked about it here?

[sunadonis]

I'm a transmasc nby and I'm also very feminine! I like my dresses, I like my lipstick because it's pretty but the idea that I have to be 100% masculine all the time doesn't sit right with me.

Gender is a fickle thing and I think talking to your mom about how while you're a boy, some feminine things make you happy and that doesn't change who you are!

[queen_of_jones]

Hi, hopefully it's not too late to reply! I just wanted to say that that's totally valid. I am the same way myself! For me, going on testosterone helped me express my femininity more because once most people started to assume I was male based on my looks automatically, I felt like I could express "feminine" characteristics (such as wearing makeup or form-fitting clothing) without people questioning my gender.

However, I get that it can also be really difficult to explain this to other people, especially if those individuals carry specific views about the gender binary. The best advice I can give in this situation is first, telling your mom that she may herself not relate to your experience but that that's okay; and second, stating that gender identity and expression are different. For the first thing, something that I think helped my parents accept me as trans was them realizing that they themselves were not going to "understand" my gender and that they didn't need to--I just wanted them to believe me and accept me.

For the second thing, maybe it could help to state plainly that gender identity and expression are different. You are a guy, but your "expression" (for example, wearing makeup) is usually seen as feminine. However, to you, that expression doesn't change your identity, so wearing makeup doesn't mean that you aren't a guy.

[Melamyl]

I don't see anything wrong about it. As long as you think and feel that you are comfortable to how you act, what you wear, how you do then stick to it. We aren't born in this world to please anybody but to show them what we really are. I always admire people who are not afraid or rather being strong and courage enough to show the world their true sides. You are one of my inspirations.