No Sexual Pleasure.

[NoPleasure16]

Hello. I'm a 16 year old Nonbinary person (born female). I am asexual and aromatic, but I still want to feel pleasure/ I get aroused. The only way I can get off is though fingering, and usually I don't feel anything until the end. I usually am unsatisfied. I tried using a dildo (with lube) and I didn't feel anything. I have also tried rubbing my clit, but it is too overwhelming? I want to feel pleasure but I'm too scared to ask for help. I don't live with my mother, I live with a foster parent, and I feel too awkward about going to her to ask for a doctor appointment about this, since she doesn't even know I ordered a dildo. I looking at getting anti-depressants and other things. I am also trying to go on testosterone and I'm working with a therapist. I have had some sexual assult in the past. Can anyone help me out or should I just see a doctor? Thank you.

[Sam W]

Hi NoPleasure16,

When you masturbate, is your mind super engaged and aroused? Or is hard to get or stay really mentally turned on? And when you say you don't feel anything until the end, are you literally not feeling any sensation? Or is it more that what sensations you are feeling are pretty dang underwhelming?

I'm glad to hear you're working with a therapist. Since there's sexual assault in your past, is that something you've been able to talk with your therapist about and get support around?

I do want to note that, if you're looking into anti-depressants, some of the commonly prescribed ones can have sexual side effects, including making it harder to get aroused or to orgasm. That's not to say you shouldn't get on them if they're beneficial to you, and there are ways of dealing with those side effects if they arise, but I wanted to let you know that's a possibility.

[NoPleasure16]

When I masturbate I am pretty turned on, yeah. And with the sensation stuff, I literally feel nothing pleasure wise, not until the end anyway. Like when it starts feeling good, you could call it an orgasm but it's incredibly weak and even if I try to keep going it just fades and I can't get it back.

With my therapist we're currently working on more traumatic things right now so I will talk to her about it at a later date.

And yes, with anti-depressants I do understand there can be side affects.

Ps sorry for the late reply, I have a terrible memory haha.

[Sam W]

Got it, I asked about how engaged your brain was because a really common culprit of issues with pleasure during masturbation is that your brain just isn't tuned in to the action. You mentioned having bought a dildo; has that changed things at all? And ever you ever tried a vibrator?

[NoPleasure16]

Dildo hasn't changed anything no, and a vibrator i'm planning to buy at a later date.

[Mo]

One other thought I want to throw out there, since you said rubbing your clitoris is overwhelming, is that you could try using some (or some more, if you're already using it) lubricant for that, or touching your clitoris more indirectly; some people find direct contact to be too much in almost every situation but can enjoy indirect contact.

[NoPleasure16]

I've tried both but it doesn't do it for me really. It's not enough and in the end it just gives the same disappointing result.

[Sam W]

In case you want to explore vibrators without having to buy or order one, this article has a bunch of ways to safely DIY one at home: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.

At a certain point, this may just be a matter of continuing to explore different ways of masturbating to find ones that feel good to you, or making sure you're taking the pressure off yourself to orgasm when you try masturbating. But, it might not hurt to check in with an OB-GYN just to talk about it. If that's something you want to try, do you feel like you could ask your foster mom for help making an appointment and give her a vague reason why you need it? Or would you want to try accessing care on your own?

[NoPleasure16]

I could probably get a reason to go to the OB-GYN without being too suspicious. But yes, I plan to buy a vibe in the future and I'll try different ways. Thanks for the link by the way

[Sam W]

You're welcome! If you end up needing help figuring out how to get that appointment in the future, that's something we can walk you through as well.