when i was 11, my best friend at the time were in the hot tub together, and she asked me to kiss her. the idea made me really anxious (plus i thought i was a straight girl) so i said no, but she kept asking. eventually i said yes & we kissed. later that night (she was sleeping over at my house) we made out for a while. at some point i was on top of her and she told me to move my hips back and forth. eventually i went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face and told her we were stopping.
the whole night felt like a bad dream. i did enjoy it physically, but i also felt super guilty about it & pretended it didn't happen for a year.
so my question is - was this sexual coercion? if not, what would it be?
not sure if this was consensual?
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Sam W
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
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Re: not sure if this was consensual?
Hi ag13,
That sounds like an upsetting incident, especially coming from someone you trusted, and I'm sorry it was something you went through. From what you're describing, it does sound like there was coercion involved (since she kept asking until you gave her the answer she wanted). Too, your mental and emotional experience was of something unwanted (sometimes our bodies respond to sexual stimulus in ways that don't align with what we, as a whole person, actually want or do not want), which also matches with the definition of coercion.
Given that information, is there a way we could take this conversation that would be most helpful to you?
That sounds like an upsetting incident, especially coming from someone you trusted, and I'm sorry it was something you went through. From what you're describing, it does sound like there was coercion involved (since she kept asking until you gave her the answer she wanted). Too, your mental and emotional experience was of something unwanted (sometimes our bodies respond to sexual stimulus in ways that don't align with what we, as a whole person, actually want or do not want), which also matches with the definition of coercion.
Given that information, is there a way we could take this conversation that would be most helpful to you?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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ag13
- newbie
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Re: not sure if this was consensual?
i'm not sure. i don't think that the experience bothers me anymore - i just wanted the right terminology for it.
thanks!
thanks!
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: not sure if this was consensual?
You're welcome, I'm glad we could help!
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.