I like bodies but not genitals. What's the deal?

[dudehelp]

my first post on this site was a long tmi ramble so i'll tryyyyyyyyy to keep this one shortish. and no more capitilization booo i hate grammar

so i definitely feel physical, sexual attraction. no problem there, guys. but i absolutely despise perceiving people's nether regions, my dude. penises especially! not a fan! icky. thought i was a lesbian for several years before settling on bi because of that. not a fan of vaginas either but i guess i don't Revile seeing one as much cos i have one myself

i do sexually fantasize about men, so there's that. i even imagine myself performing sexual acts with them. woo. but the men are usually very feminine? and always hairless. body hair's a turn-off for me (on men.) i always just imagine people like, dry humping? my brain knows the bit in-between the legs goes near the other bit. the instinct is there. i just... think... the actual genitals... are grooooooss......

the zenith of my predicament here. is that the belly is the only part of a person i'm attracted to. some people have a foot fetish; that's my body-part fixation. this sucks, actually, because how would YOU feel if people just went around, like, dick out. or bare-breasted. feeling the stiff sea breeze on their hakuna matatas. because THAT'S what being in a world where crop tops are in fashion is like. can't i just enjoy looking at people's private parts like a normal person, for pete's sake? [insert the entire 'why are we here? just to suffer?' monologue from metal gear solid v the phantom pain here]

[Alexa]

Hey dudehelp,

I just want to start out by saying that there is no normal way to be attracted to bodies, and the attractions you've mentioned (primarily to bellies) make total sense. Stomachs are great!

Genital attraction, or lack thereof, is different for everyone as well. You mentioned that you feel a little bit less apprehensive about vaginas because you're familiar with your own. Many folks take time to acclimate to others' genitals and work their way up to comfort, familiarity, and even attraction over time.

Also! Sex and pleasure doesn't have to look any one way. So if genitals aren't your bag right now, exploring arousal in different ways -- through erogenous zones like the ears, neck, and chest; dry humping, as you mentioned; phone sex or sexting, etc. -- are perfectly valid ways to experience pleasure.

Do you wanna say more about why your particular attractions (or non-attractions) confuse you? Maybe we can talk it out together.

[dudehelp]

ok yea i'll talk it out. i might as well just write a list of Weird Stuff Going On Re: What Turns Me On and wait for someone's opinion. just, what's the situation, man.

-i know for a fact i've been attracted to both men and women. yay.

-if i see a women in a sexual context who i'm NOT attracted to, i'm neutral.

-but if i see a MAN in a sexual context who i'm not attracted to, i'm repulsed.

-men need to meet a lot of really specific criteria for me to find them hot but if i do, boy! it's intense. ladies, on the other hand? less specific, also less strongly felt.

-though i have imagined myself having sex, it's infrequent. most of my sexual fantasies are in third person? what's up with THAT.

really i'm just a bisexual with footnotes, which is fine. but i wish sexuality weren't so complicated

[Heather]

Not quite sure what you're looking for here, but I have some thoughts!

I know that the fact that a lot of people enjoy porn can give a different impression, but what I've gleaned over the last 20+ years of working in sexuality is that a lot of people aren't into the genitals of people they aren't actually already intimate with. (It sounds like you're not talking about the genitals of partners or people you're dating, but instead about things like sexual media or your imagination, since you're saying "see" in a sexual context, not engage with?)

In other words, I actually think it's very common -- especially among younger people, but also in general -- for people not to exactly be "attracted to" genitals like it sounds like you're thinking. It makes sense, honestly: they're kind of like guts, a very intimate part of us. I'd also say it's pretty common, again, especially for younger people, to feel repulsed seeing genitals of people you're not already intimate with, and certainly when you aren't even asking. Same goes for seeing people being explicitly sexual when that isn't something you want and are seeking out. I suspect more people also have that reaction to men, even regardless of sexual orientation, because of how prevalent male sexual violence is.

Per the third person, that doesn't surprise me, either. A lot of people like to role play or be omniscient in their fantasies.

I think some of what might be going on here is a presumption about how everyone else is vs. you, when, in fact, a lot of people have a whole lot of specifics when it comes to this stuff.