Buying a strap-on as a minor?

[fruityrumpus]

Hello!
My (FtX) boyfriend (MtX) and i have a pretty good sex life as of right now. It may be a bit excessive, but that can be easily managed.
When we engage in intercourse, it’s quite easy for them to put a condom on. They are AMAB. But, I am AFAB and it isn’t that easy for me.
We’re both very submissive so we switch roles a lot, but it’s very difficult for me to properly dom without the use of a strap-on. My boyfriend has expressed interest in bottoming that way and I’ve become increasingly frustrated at how I can achieve that.
I think it’s only fair that they should be able to bottom, too, but I’m 16 and they just turned 17, so acquiring a strap-on seems very difficult for us as minors.
They have a toy they use on their own, but neither of us think the back aisle of our local Spencer’s will do us much good with something like THIS.
Does anyone know where I can get a proper strap-on? Any help or advice would be appreciated (especially on how I can make them feel good! Anal is very unfamiliar territory for me...)
Thank you!

[Heather]

Hey there.

For starters, I take it you mean a harness, for use with a dildo?

If so, are either of you crafty? If you are, have you had a look at this? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexua ... ed_edition

(Scroll about halfway down.)

In terms of the rest, can you fill me in some more on what information you need? Have you two already done some exploring in small ways, like with lubed fingers?

[fruityrumpus]

I haven’t trimmed my nails yet, but he’s done exploring on his own with lubed fingers and a dildo (meant for vaginas and doesn’t have a flared base, so he’s extra careful with it. not ideal of course) as well. Because the dildo isn’t meant for anal and isn’t the best choice here, I’m hesitant to make a harness for it.
I suggested my boyfriend do some exploring on his own before I do, so he knows how his own body works and knows what he likes and doesn’t like. Using MY fingers will probably come soon when I cut my nails, and I have used the dildo on him very briefly before, but I’m not sure where to go from there if he wants to be properly penetrated.

[Heather]

Needing to get both a safe dildo for anal use and a harness is for sure going to be tricky.

But it also sounds like you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself here anyway? I suggest that way before you get here, you start by taking some time with a GLOVED, lubed finger or fingers and perineal massage, even before you get to something like entry. Take time learning just to do that and how that feels for both of you; developing communication around that. Since you can feel how things feel around your fingers but can’t around a toy, there’s a lot to learn this way first anyhow, you know? Even this is already pretty advanced and often takes some time for everyone to learn what feels good and works.

How about starting there for a while? I don’t agree that strapping on is essential fir topping, btw: after all, plenty of people engage in topping and bottoming who either lack that physical ability in one way or the other or the desire to include that kind of activity. So, it might also help here to adjust your mindset regardless and not think of there being any kind of required activities for any of this in the first place.

[fruityrumpus]

That makes sense...I’ll be sure to try that out soon! We HAVE discussed the fact that I won’t be able to feel it much if I’m using a strap-on but mostly in terms of my own enjoyment. I didn’t think about it that way!
Being sexually active as trans minors is for sure a little bit frustrating at times (condoms were $30 for 12! 12 doesn’t last long!) but I think we’re navigating it pretty well!
Once we get there, where do you think we can go for a proper toy? My boyfriend doesn’t mind using their credit card for online purchases, but we’re both clearly quite inexperienced with toys AND anal, so we’re not sure how to do that safely.

[Heather]

I hear that per the frustration.

First up, with the condoms -- I see you're in California, so I want to make sure that you know about this program for free condoms in your state: https://www.teensource.org/condoms/free. You can also call in to your local public health department and see how they're doing condom distribution during the pandemic. You may be able to get more free that way, too.

Yeah, by all means, the not being able to feel things much isn't just about your pleasure (and even the idea that you won't experience pleasure or will have less pleasure by using a strap on and harness is also quite an assumption and a pretty simplistic way of thinking about pleasure, but we can talk about that more later if you want). It's also an issue wen you're learning how to engage with someone's anus and rectum, the delicate tissue there, and how it all works with the muscles. By all means, we can feel some resistance and some give with a harness and dildo, but nowhere near the far more nuanced sensations we can usually feel with hands and fingers. That way of anal sex also gives you both practice communicating with this kind of sex, too. So, I'd always suggest starting there first for a ton of reasons, very much including because that tissue is so delicate and it is easy to hurt someone unintentionally, especially when you're also new to strapping on.

When it does feel like time, your best bet will be to hit up an independent sex toy shop, which can be an option once he's 18. That way, someone in person can help. Or, you can find one online, and ask for help via email. Another way to do good research about this is to read some toy reviewers on these kinds of toys and tools.

I've got a couple articles here that also might be of use to you now and later:
• https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... e_of_entry
• https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... ex_lowdown
• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... every_body

[fruityrumpus]

I’ll be sure to check those articles out.
Thank you so much for all of your help! It’s very much appreciated. We’ll be sure to take things slowly and carefully with this kinda stuff to make sure we’re being safe and doing things right! Thank you again!

[Heather]

My pleasure. Love your screen name, btw!