Can't have sex. Is this normal to experience or problematic?

[Ryan99]

The first time I tried to have sex, i couldn't put it inside her and i came too early. The next time, i tried to put it inside her, it wasn't going in, we tried a lot of foreplay before. And i eventually came. I tried to keep pleasuring her, she was trying to give me an erection afterwards and i couldn't get one. I eventually got one the second time, but when she touched me i became soft again because how it felt. She seemed disappointed. She would get wet when we were clothed and grinding on each other, i would also get and keep a hard on. But I couldn't penetrate her. I feel like there's something wrong with me.

[Heather]

Hey there, Ryan. Welcome to the boards.

I’m going to ask something that night sound really obvious, but I want to ask it anyway: these attempts sound like they were super stressful for both of you. Would you say they were super stressful for both of you?

It also sounds like both of you might not have very realistic expectations about how learning something new sexually often goes (hint: it’s usually awkward for the first few tries as we learn each other’s bodies and our own, especially if we have unrealistic expectations). Had you two talked about those expectations before? Have you since?

[Ryan99]

It wasn't really stressful. She seems to be really hot and cold emotionally and physically and i can't really explain it. We're not together anymore and it may complicate things.

[Heather]

Oh, okay — so are you asking about this in terms of making sense of what happened with those experiences and how to maybe have things go differently with new partners in the future, then?