Weak orgasms since 2018

[missy]

(I’m 19 and a virgin)

Before 2018, I used to be satisfied with all of my orgasms like I didn’t even have to be very aroused to get a strong and satisfying orgasm. In February 2018, I suddenly had weak orgasms.. like they’re so short now. My clitoris gets sensitive AS SOON as the orgasm comes which leaves me with no time to rub out the orgasm. It feels like a ruined orgasm. I’m trying to rub out the orgasm but it gets too sensitive to rub because the orgasm already happened for less than a second. There’s not even any strong pleasure and it feels like I haven’t reached the peak. Also my clit doesn’t throb anymore and it doesn’t feel pleasurable touching my body anymore like it used to. I have no trouble reaching the orgasm though.

It sucks that all of this has been happening for 3 years now. I have tried different positions but they don’t help. I have tried a shower head but it doesn’t help either. I watch porn every time I masturbate but it doesn’t help the weak orgasms. I notice that I get distracted easily too. I tried fantasizing and reading erotica but I get distracted even though I get aroused for a bit. I don’t want to use sex toys because it would worry me all the time if my family finds it.

I feel like it’s a hormonal issue because I’m about 15 pounds underweight. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroid because I had thyroid cancer so I’m taking levothyroxine. Please help me

[Mo]

Hi there missy, and welcome to Scarleteen.

Do you have a sense of anything that might have changed in your life around February 2018 when you noticed this difference? Did you start any new medications then?
While I'm not an expert on hypothyroidism, it looks like some people do experience sexual side effects that impact arousal and orgasm, so it's possible that this is related to that diagnosis. Is this something you'd be comfortable asking your doctor about?

[missy]

Hi thank you and thank you for your response.

I remember being so unmotivated to the point that I dropped out of high school (I was absent a lot) to do online school instead but I still had no motivation to do online school work either so I stayed in bed most of the time. I would skip meals and sleep a lot. No new medications though.

The day before I started getting weak orgasms, I forced myself to orgasm four times in a row even though I wasn’t really turned on. But those orgasms were good. Ever since then, all of my orgasms have sucked I just realized that my clit feels a little numb too so I have no idea if this is actually a mental problem.

I think it’s very possible that my hypothyroidism could be the problem. My endocrinologist might call me this month so I’ll try to bring up my problem to her but I’m so embarrassed.

[Sam W]

Hi Missy,

That sounds like a really rough period of time! A low mood like that can definitely have sexual side effects, including on things like arousal and orgasm. Do you still experience spans of time with that same lack of energy or motivation?

I don't think the four orgasms the day before this started is the culprit. Multiple orgasms or intense masturbation can leave you sore or sensitive, but only for a day or so. If you're wondering if hypothyroidism might play a role but are nervous about asking your healthcare provider, it might help to know that they've heard questions about sexual function before. They're not going to judge you or be shocked by you asking about it. If you want, we can even help you come up with a script for introducing the topic.

When you masturbate, do you feel like a lot of your attention is on whether or not your orgasm will feel strong this time? And with fantasizing, are you getting distracted by things in your own mind, or by things in your environment (other people in the house, a pet making noise, things like that)?

[missy]

Hi Sam, thank you for your response.

Yes it was a rough time and I still feel this way. I lack motivation to carry on a conversation with my friends and family sometimes. Especially when a friend texts me a long message. I just ghost them when they do that because I feel overwhelmed. Same with school... it makes me feel overwhelmed so I stopped attending it ever since the pandemic happened. I still stay in bed a lot. I feel like it sounds like I’m depressed but I don’t feel sad or anything. Just maybe mentally fatigued.

It’s good knowing that the four orgasms didn’t cause all of this because I got mad at myself a lot for doing that. I also feel better knowing that health providers hear questions about sexual function a lot. It’s just that.. will he think I’m crazy for asking about this during the pandemic? Because I feel like he won’t think it’s urgent enough. I would be grateful if you helped me come up with a script! It will most likely make me feel comfortable during the phone call.

I forgot to mention that I will only feel pleasure when the orgasm is coming up and during the orgasm. Like most of the process of masturbating doesn’t feel like much except for the orgasm part. But yes, my mind thinks of the orgasm a lot and I would be hoping that I get a good one. It’s so distracting. I tried focusing on the pleasure but there’s really no pleasure to focus on since it’s weak.

I get distracted by things in my mind. Like it’s hard to think about sexual stuff because my mind just drifts off and thinks about nothing or random stuff. I think it’s because I’m probably not aroused. Fantasizing is much more easier when I’m aroused but it’s hard to get to that state of mind. Back when I had strong orgasms I was able to get aroused just when orgasming and I wish I could be like that again. I remember one day in September last year, I was taking deep breaths and felt aroused for no reason. Another time I was relaxed and felt aroused so maybe I need to calm myself down. I still had a weak orgasm but there was actually pleasure during the actual masturbation process. (Sorry that this was long)

[Heather]

Hey, missy, hope it's okay if I tap in while Sam's on a day off.

So, if you're not feeling a lot of pleasure in what leads up to an orgasm, and you're very distracted, it's not surprising the orgasms you're having are meh. Both of those things -- being very turned on and experiencing a lot of pleasure throughout, and being very engaged in the sex (be it masturbation or with partners) you're having are two components that tend to make for more intense orgasms. With those things + low mood + + fatigue + hypothyroid + the pandemic stress and strain we're all under, I'd actually be pretty surprised if your orgasms were bangers, you know?

Looking for ways to experience more pleasure during pandemic is SO NOT CRAZY. In fact, it's really wise because it has a lot to do with taking good care of yourself and your mental health.

I'm happy to help you come up with that script. Can you tell me how long you've been taking the thyroid medication? And if it feels like this has gotten better, worse, or stayed the same since you started it?

[missy]

Hi Heather, thank you for your response. Of course that’s okay.

It makes sense of why I can’t get to my strong orgasms. Like getting distracted and not being in the mood are things I really need to work on or get checked. Feeling pleasure throughout is something that seems like would really help my orgasm problem, it’s pretty hard to get there though. I highly believe those things you mentioned (low mood, fatigue, hypothyroid, and pandemic stress) could be the cause, it’s so many inhibitors that affects orgasms and arousal sadly.

Thanks for assuring me that it’s not crazy. It’s just a giant step for me to bring this up with a doctor and makes me feel scared of what their reactions would be. It really is a good idea to have pleasure during the pandemic since it’s so stressful.

I appreciate that you want to help me with the script. Should I be telling my family doctor about my problem? Or endocrinologist? I have been taking the thyroid medication since September. My endocrinologist raised the dosage in November when she saw my thyroid levels through bloodwork. I have been feeling the same so I think maybe she needs to raise the dosage again. I’m getting my thyroid levels checked this month so we’ll have to see.

[Sam W]

Hi Missy,

Since you suspect the thyroid medication may be playing a role, I would start by asking the endocrinologist. Since you two will already be talking about increasing your dosage, that actually gives you an opening to say something like, "I've noticed some sexual side effects that I think might be related to this medication. Do you have any thoughts or recommendations for addressing those?" Does that sound like a workable plan for approaching that conversation?

If you want to keep experimenting with fantasy and masturbation in the meantime, I want to give you this article: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms. There are a lot of tips in there for working out what kinds of fantasies are engaging for you and how to create a space where they're most likely to be enjoyable.

[missy]

Hi Sam

That sounds like an excellent way to approach the convo. I will make sure to ask that question to my endocrinologist. Thank you!

I just wanna mention that I just realized that I am always thinking about orgasming instead of the actual masturbation/sex itself. Like I think my mind made me think that the orgasm part is the only pleasure when it comes to masturbation/sex. So I guess that’s why I only feel some pleasure when orgasming and NOT before it. And since I have been getting bad orgasms for the past few years, it negatively affects me when I think about orgasms so I need to stop thinking about it and try to get pleasure from the build up instead.

Thanks I will check out that article, it seems like it will be a greater help to my situation as I need to get myself to enjoy the process of masturbating.

[Sam W]

You're very welcome! And yep, if you're focusing hard on whether or not you'll orgasm during masturbation, the harder it is to stay in the moment and enjoy yourself. So the more you can practice shifting your focus to fantasies, or just being in the moment, the better luck you'll probably have when it comes to enjoying masturbation.

[missy]

I think I have to ditch porn because it makes it hard to be in the moment because it always makes me go straight to orgasming without any pleasure beforehand. Also hypothyroidism comes with being mentally slow so maybe when I get my medication adjusted, it could help my mind become more in the moment. I’m praying that it helps!!

[Mo]

I definitely hope the medication adjustment is a positive one! It can be frustrating to deal with med changes like that, but hopefully the end result will help you feel better. And I think it might be worth experimenting with taking a break from porn or anything else that makes it harder to find that in-the-moment enjoyment and connection with your own body and feelings.