Neutral Masturbation

[DulceDiva]

So I've tried masturbating several times & did not enjoy it. I did't dislike it but at the same time I felt NO pleasure. Now I don't want to masturbate because of that. I tried when I was aroused & lubricated. The only reason I ever tried to masturbate was because of all the sex positive media I've come across. Do people sometimes wake up horny for no reason , in the same way people wake up in a bad mood for no reason known to them. Would a possible explanation be that they were having a dream about upsetting / arousing things & did not remember it.

[Emma]

If masturbation gives you no pleasure, you aren't required to do it! Also, there is no specific way to masturbate, if you've only tried penetration you can try clitoral stimulation, humping, or contracting leg muscles--basically anything (safe) that makes you feel good! And yes, it's totally normal to wake up aroused, whether it be from a dream or just because bodies are funky and do random things sometimes.

[Keda]

It's also totally cool not to ever find yourself feeling horny - the barrier that most people have around sex is "Ooh bad don't do that", which is why so much sex positive media is on the "Yes! Try it!" side; but in reality, sex positivity is about your sexual choices being based on what you want and what you think is right for you, not on what anyone else thinks you should be doing, and about the goal of sex being to make the people doing it feel good. So deciding for yourself that "Actually, I'm not feeling this, I'm gonna give it a miss" is totally a sex positive decision, if that's what you're feeling about masturbation.

[DulceDiva]

I know that it can take time to figure out what you like but after exposing myself to my content of choice which arouses me & I naturally lubricate. The few times I tried penetration( fingers) & rubbing my clit but felt nothing . Correction , when I was like 12 or something & knew almost nothing about sex I tried to masturbate but didn't even know there was a word for what I was doing. The only reason I've tried masturbating recently is because so many people say it's amazing. I was never told sex was bad or a anything like that. I have never been ashamed of my anatomy. I've never tried toys , problem is I live with my family so I would have to worry about ordering them without anyone finding out because awkward. My mom doesn't care if I'm having sex or anything but she likes to know what I spend my money on. I have my own card to order stuff & she only checks my savings account , the card is tied to my checking. But now she's home all the time so if the post came early & she checked, she could open it. The post arrives normally when I get off from school & she's home then. If what I ordered was being shipped through ups & I stayed home while she went out then a package could be delivered then. I can't go to a shop because I don't drive & you have to be 18?? to go into one.

[Heather]

I'm not sure I am finding the question in this: can you have another go, if you're wanting us to add more, at communicating what it is you're asking? Thanks!

[DulceDiva]

How can I order toys without anyone knowing ? Should I try masturbating again considering the results of the past? Suggestions on things I could try?
How can I expect a partner to be intimate with me , when I don't know my own body?

[Heather]

I hear you saying you don't want to masturbate, and only felt you should because "other people said it was awesome." If that's the case, then no, if it's not something you want to do for yourself, I don't suggest doing it. I only suggest anyone be sexual in any way, including by themselves, when it's something they want to do for themselves and feel a desire to do.

I mean, a lot of other people in the world say hamburgers are awesome, but as a vegan, I know it's not for me. And eating one anyway just because other people like it isn't really a great reason to do something.

I'm not sure what you're asking about a partner: is this an issue right now? In other words, is there a partner you are finding you have barriers to sexual intimacy with because, so far, you don't enjoy masturbating?

Per purchasing and shipping of things -- be they sex toys or action figures -- you want to keep private, that's really outside our scope here. You can certainly check with online retailers about how they send and bill things, and that's usually right in the FAQs of most resellers of sex toys.

[DulceDiva]

I am not currently with a partner but wonder for future reference?
Isn't masturbation supposed to be how you figure out what you like?
I don't have any experience with romantic or sexual relationships , which is something I'd like to change I don't want to go to college the land of romantic & sexual opportunity without some experience.

[Johanna]

Once you have a partner, and you find you are having issues with intimacy in that relationship, that is something we are happy to then talk about with you. But those are not things we can make blanket statements on - we really tend to need to know more about a specific situation to give advice. So for now, let's not worry about problems you're not having, alright?

Masturbation can be a great tool for figuring out what you like - and it seems like for now, masturbation isn't one of those things. Maybe that will change in time, and maybe it won't, but either is perfectly okay.

[DulceDiva]

I'll try to get some things & try again. Isn't it better to have tried & not liked it rather than have the chance of missing out on something amazing? I suppose if it winds up just not being something I enjoy with or without toys , I may consider talking to a health care professional.

[Mo]

I think whether trying masturbating and not enjoying it is better or worse than just not doing it for now is going to vary from person to person. If you find that trying masturbation, from time to time when you happen to be feeling aroused, is causing you a lot of frustration or just not doing much for you, then it might make sense to take a break for a bit. But it's fine to keep experimenting as well.

A point about translating masturbation experience to partnered sex: it definitely can help, during partnered sex, to know some things that feel good during masturbation. But not having a lot of experience masturbating, or a lot of enjoyment from it, doesn't mean you can't have really enjoyable sexual experiences with a partner!

[DulceDiva]

Doing some internet research I found that there are others like me. I wonder what is causing it ?

[Keda]

Just human diversity, really, much like some people don't like cheese.

[DulceDiva]

I'm going to do more research into it.