Don't want to overwhelm bf

[Hel]

Hi everyone,

So my boyfriend of six months and I are finally back in person, after months of long-distance due to COVID-19, and we really love each other. He's super great about going at a slow pace and trying his best to make our make-out sessions fun and romantic.

Last night we were really eager to make out, and it was all very passionate and nice to be with him again. I had previously said I wasn't sure about hickeys but after having months apart to think about it, I changed my mind on that. Actually, I changed my mind about a lot of things - I discovered I'm really horny (lol) and I want to be more sexual with my boyfriend. I asked him to give me a hickey on my stomach, and he did and it felt really good. His hands were all over my stomach actually, and it was probably the most sexual we've been.

The thing is, I want more. Like, a lot more. I don't know exactly how to bring up my sexual urges. I was thinking about playing truth or dare with him, because I love the game and it could get sexual very fast. It could spice up our relationship and we could learn a lot about each other. But I really don't want to overwhelm him, because we just got back to being in person.

What do you guys think I should do? I really, really am craving him in a sexual way but I get kinda embarrassed about my urges and stuff. He's understanding and loves me - heck, I think he's really horny too. I just don't want to go too fast too soon. How do I increase the sexual tension and ask him about his opinions on sex (specifically having sex with me in the future) without going to fast? Thanks! <3

[Sam W]

Hi Hel,

It's great that you're trying to strike a balance between communicating your desires (and learning about his) and not overwhelming him or diving into something one or both of you isn't ready for. I'm going to give you a bunch of articles to start out with, because we have a lot of content on how to talk about sex and sexual desire with a partner.
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

If you want to introduce a bit of fun or novelty into the conversation, our zine is designed to do just that: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... een_zine_0.

[Hel]

So funny story,
Today my boyfriend and I were hanging out and it was actually really ironic that I posted about being more sexual today. Because today we flirted in kind of a sexy way - puns about being thirsty, etc. That’s all somewhat usual. But then we somehow ended up mentioning sex, and he actually was the one to bring it up. We had a very shortened version of the conversation I’ve been thinking about having with him. Lol. He and I talked and it turns out he’s interested about the whole being more sexual thing/having sex at some point in the future. And the best thing was, it wasn’t too weird talking about this stuff with him. He’s so supportive and loving and ahhhh I can’t believe we actually had that conversation. We had to stop talking about it though because we were hanging out with our good friends. We didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. We’re planning on talking about sex - like actually having a discussion about our urges - sometime in the near future.

I’m so relieved that my boyfriend is willing to talk about things and take things slow - or speed them up if we want to. I’m a little nervous about the idea of sex still because of risks and stuff. And heck, we couldn’t do it this month even if we wanted to because it’s so frickin’ cold outside. I’ll write back soon after I have the conversation with him - I’m sure I’ll have more questions about safe sex and other sexy stuff by then.

[Mo]

I'm glad you were able to start that conversation with him! Being able to have those kinds of open and honest talks about sex is so important.