I'm in a weird emotional state...

[Hel]

Like I mentioned in a previous topic, I was feeling kinda "off" and needy lately. I think a lot of it has to do with struggles with gender identity and thinking about my (awful) past relationship with my ex.

So my current boyfriend and I did the whole fingering/handjob thing last night and it was the first time for both of us. It was really nice in the moment. Today we both were feeling a little weird about it - I was upset for other reasons, so we were both in a strange emotional state. He said he liked it last night, and I did too. So we're going to do it again tomorrow. I'm excited.

But I don't know... I just feel really weird, and I keep going back and forth. I really, really want it again because it felt good and it was exciting, and I'm really horny. I just don't want to go too fast either. But my body craves him. I want him. How do I calm my mind a bit and stop overthinking everything?

And another thing has also been affecting my emotional state: he's feeling a little anxious about meeting my parents - he's not emotionally prepared because it seems like a big deal to him. I told him it was important to me and he said he wants to meet them eventually, just not yet. That's really hard for me to accept! (I don't know his parents either because they live far away. But he's met mine before, he just hasn't had a real conversation with them.) I really don't want to pressure him into meeting them... but it's important to me! How do I keep my patience?? He's a great guy and I'm sure my parents will love him. I think he's afraid of "botching it" with them, because he really likes me.

[Sam W]

Hi Hel,

Can you say a little more about those weird feelings and that fear of going too fast? Do they center on anything specific, or is more a general fear that you're rushing into things?

Since you mention wanting physical contact with him (both here and in other posts), have you and he talked about other ways of being physically intimate, like cuddling or other kinds of nonsexual touch? If you're not sure if you need to slow down around sex, focusing on those kinds of physical intimacy can give you time to think while also feeding that skin hunger.

As far as being patient around his not being ready to meet your parents, it may help to think of it as giving him the best chance of having a positive first interaction with your parents; if he feels ready, he'll likely be calmer. Too, it can help both you and him to remember that, while meeting a partners parents can feel like a really big deal, that won't be the only interaction he gets with them, you know?

[Hel]

Well, now that I've thought about it, I think my emotional state isn't really about the sexual stuff. I am actually eagerly anticipating having more manual sex; a lot of my weird feelings are 'first time jitters' I think... not sure if that's a term people use, lol.

I talked to my boyfriend about it, and knowing that he liked it too made me feel more secure. (We didn't get the chance to talk about it right away and I didn't know how he felt about the whole 'us being more sexual' thing, so after I learned he liked it - and was willing to slow down/speed up/whatever I want to do - I felt much more calm about the whole thing.)

It seems like a good thing to also focus on non-sexual intimacy with him too.

What you said about him waiting to meet my parents makes a lot of sense - it is a way for him to have a chance at having a positive interaction/experience.

Thanks for all the advice! I think I just needed to talk about the sexy stuff with my boyfriend and also write down my thoughts. I feel much better now.

[Sam W]

You're welcome, I'm glad it was helpful!

If you're noticing that you'd feel better if you're able to talk about how you're each feeling after doing something sexual, then I encourage you to make sure that you're being sexual at times where you have the time and space afterwards to do that.