Seriously, what is wrong with my vulva?

[litha_gorse]

just to clarify I’m not asking for a diagnosis because I understand no one here can do that, just wondering if anyone’s had a similar experience or knows what to do.

A few years ago my vulva got very itchy and irritated (probably due to period towel chafing) and as a result one of my labia swelled up and hasn’t gone back to how it was. I’ve been to a gynaecologist but she just said it ‘looked normal’ and it’s normal for one labia to be bigger than the other.

However, I don’t think it is normal for it to have changed so quickly (over about a month) or for the constant mild itching since then. Also because of the constant irritation the area has become desensitised and I struggle to feel sexual pleasure anymore.

This is badly affecting my sex life. I’m really embarrassed to let my partner look at or touch my genitals. I don’t want to ask him to look up how to finger someone or give oral (he’s not exactly experienced) bc I probably won’t look anything like any of the diagrams. And idk how to show him what I enjoy when I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore. I have something similar to body dysmorphia about the area bc I feel like I don’t recognise it as the one I got to know and love thru masturbation when I was younger

Has anyone else experienced sudden genital changes or difficulty feeling pleasure as a result of irritation? how can you start to enjoy any kind of sexual contact again afterwards?

[Sam W]

Hi litha_gorse,

It sounds like this situation has been causing you a lot of stress, so hopefully we can find some ways to approach it. For starters, have you told an OB-GYN recently about the itchiness and the fact it seems to be causing issues with sensitivity? Your gynecologist was right that labia aren't usually symmetrical, but constant irritation in them is not.

With your discomfort around your boyfriend looking at or touching your genitals, are you worried he'll see they're not like the diagrams or other images and react with disgust? Or is it more that you don't feel comfortable with him interacting with your genitals because they're a source of distress for you?

[bazookasos]

I'm not sure about the itching part because I haven't experienced it yet. But I used to worry about all this sort of stuff because I have a similar labia and I spoke to my older sister about it, and she would just basically say, sex is sex if you want a one night stand, then they will only have to be with you for, what, a couple of hours, so what if they don't appreciate your body, it doesn't matter, and when you find that number 1 person who loves you, etc, then they won't care about it. Vaginas aren't meant to be pretty! Plus it's the same as guys foreskin, some have hardly any, some have loads, maybe we females should kick up a fuss about theirs.

Either way, don't have it changed, if anything makes light of it if a sexual partner says anything about it make a joke or something.

My boyfriend and I make jokes about parts of our bodies all of the time, just think about it, if everything on your body was completely tucked in and boring, where would fetishes come from? It's something so small and insignificant don't let it ruin the thought of having sex.