No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

[sandpiper]

Hi Sam!

I haven't! I haven't really taken a ton of time to focus on intrusive thoughts yet, but that could be really helpful. Any suggestions?

[sandpiper]

It's weird that I never really framed these thoughts as intrusive thoughts before. I'm realizing it's because I was too ashamed to talk about them or think about them too much, because there's a thick layer of metacognition slathered over the images that goes something like: "You're thinking about these things because you like them. You're a pathetic, attention-seeking, manipulative person who likes thinking about being in pain or used because it makes people pay attention to you and it makes you feel like an important sacrifice. You are going to face these exact experiences in real life, and it will be your fault, because you self sabotage to make this happen because you like it." And I'm realizing now, through explaining that to my partner, that... that layer of metacognition ALSO fits the bill to be an intrusive thought! None of that is necessarily true about me, who I am, and what I like and want! I know that I DON'T genuinely want to feel abandoned and used or in physical pain, so as much as my brain tells me otherwise (and as hard as that is to type out because of the inner voice saying otherwise!) I can start to recognize both those images and that subsequent worry cycle as something that is intrusive and not about me personally. This feels really, really helpful to realize.

[Sam W]

I think that is really helpful to realize! Sometimes, certain intrusive thoughts are so frequent or insistent that it becomes hard to recognize them for what they are.

As far as tools, it may be a matter of trial and error to find the ones that work for you. Too, if you can call a mental health talkline, they may be able to give you more specific resources for dealing with this. This is a really basic worksheet for working through those thoughts, but the recommendations in are the ones I see echoed over and over when it comes to addressing intrusive thoughts. : https://www.letss.org.au/images/Intrusi ... ksheet.pdf. You could also give this app a try to see if it helps: https://onemindpsyberguide.org/apps/ggoc-app-review/

[sandpiper]

Thanks Sam! That worksheet was a cool read! And yeah, I hadn't really framed these as intrusive thoughts before or questioned them much (especially the layer of "I'm having these thoughts because I am this kind of person"), so I think those realizations are the biggest step here, and from now on it'll be about acknowledging those thoughts aren't about me, they don't say anything about me and what I want or feel, and not engaging with them. It's especially frustrating because it feels like fantasy/thinking about sex and how it could be fun is another big piece of advice for people trying to figure out things that are enjoyable for them. I guess I could keep trying to navigate that carefully while doing my best to ignore the bad stuff, or just give it a break, since it's not something I've found much success or enjoyment in.

[Sam W]

I think a break might be a sound call, if only because you know that you're still really in the midst of learning how to navigate and address intrusive thoughts. Coming back to exploring your fantasies and thoughts around sex once you feel more equipped to navigate those different kinds of thoughts might go a long way towards making it a more pleasant process.

[sandpiper]

I entirely agree. I guess I need to get better at trusting myself and what I do and don't want on a certain level (like, this really isn't working for me right now and I so badly want to stop thinking about it every single day) instead of looking for validation about it thank you.

[Sam W]

You're welcome!