I need some boyfriend advice

[Knightness]

I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for the last four months. We have always used condoms.
A few months ago I told my mom about wanting to get on birth control and I have been on it for just about two months now.
My boyfriend's birthday was last week and I let him have sex with me with no condom but he did pull out before. I'm not worried about it because I am on birth control. It was a one-time thing as I would like keep on using condoms, but now that he knows I'm on birth control he wants to start having sex with no condom at all.
He says that it feels better for him and that it is more intimate for him, but for me I would rather be safe and have a second form of protection. Maybe I never should have told him I was on birth control to begin with?
But does it really feel better for the guy no condom? Or maybe after a few times with no condom I will be more comfortable with it? I definitely don't want to get pregnant, but should birth control be good enough?

[Coral]

Hi,

Firstly, it's great that you would like to keep using condoms. You're right, having a second form of protection IS safer, especially since you said you definitely don't want to get pregnant. No method of birth control is 100% effective even with perfect use, but using both birth control pills and a condom definitely reduces that risk. It's also important to mention that birth control pills do not protect against STI's like a condom does, so if you're not using a condom you may want to consider getting tested.

Negotiating birth control with your partner can be tricky, but ultimately only you can decide what you're comfortable with, and the amount of risk you're willing to take. This article includes information on negotiating sex in relationships, and might help when it comes to talking to your boyfriend:
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... _long_haul

In terms of pleasure, many people find that using a condom actually increases pleasure, or don't notice a difference at all. There are a few things you could try to make using a condom feel better for your boyfriend like putting a couple drops of latex-safe lubricant in the condom or trying ribbed condoms. Do any of these sound like something you'd be interested in trying?

[Knightness]

Thankya for the fast replay and the article. I am going to go ahead and stick with condoms and birth control, I feel safer doing that. He has had a couple partners before me, and protecting from STIs would be a good idea also.

And I didn't feel any difference without a condom at all, but maybe I was a little freaked out and paranoid when I did it.

Now I have some more questions:
Isn't a ribbed condom thicker? He is already a bit on the thick side, so wouldn't that make it more uncomfortable for me?
And for a couple drops of lubricant are you saying to put it inside the condom? Wouldn't that make it slide off easier?

And what do you think about faking orgasms? Do you think that's a good thing or a bad thing? Most of the time I don't get an orgasm at all, but then I get so tired of trying to do it that I end up Faking It.

[Sam W]

Hi Knightness,

I'm glad the article was helpful! I think sticking with the double method is a sound choice (and, honestly, the one we recommend to people for both safety and peace of mind).

With condoms, it really depends on the brand (you'll see ones that market themselves a thinner that may also have ribs), but it may also help to know that when we're talking about condom size, we're talking in terms of very, very, very small changes in thickness, so in theory a thicker condom wouldn't cause noticeable discomfort on your end. As far as lube goes, the drops go in the tip to help with comfort, rather than all along the shaft of the penis. Too, the ring at the base of the condom helps it stay on during intercourse (if it didn't, condoms would fail way more often than they do).

We're not huge fans of faking orgasms, in part because it introduces an element of dishonesty that can interrupt intimacy as time goes on. It also tends to mean that the faking partner isn't getting what they want or enjoy from sex, and makes it less likely for that to happen in the future because the other partner is learning from false cues. This article offers a really good breakdown of those ideas: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... g_farewell.

Is it that sex is pleasurable for you but, at a certain point, you're tired and ready to be done? Or is it that you want to be done because it doesn't feel like much? And, when you hit that point of "okay, I'm done" do you feel like you could just say as much to him?

[Knightness]

How many articles do you have on here?

Thanks for the condom info, I will try the ribbed ones and get some lubricant.

I was/am faking it because an orgasm mostly never happens, I was thinking it was me but the article says otherwise. I do it because of time constraints and I do it so that he knows I'm enjoying it. I sometimes do it because it's not pleasurable (again the article). I do it because I don't want him to think he isn't doing a good enough job. I think that about covers it.
I lost my virginity to him, and I am not his first, and maybe I feel like I must show him he is doing an amazing job so that he stays with me. CLEARLY I read the article a little to much.

[Urna]

Hey Knightness,

We're a 20-something year old sex and relationship education website with a user base that reports similar kinds of problems, so we have tons and tons of articles with comprehensive and research-based information that we can direct our users to, instead of reinventing the wheel every time we're asked a question. Feel free to scroll through the tags that are relevant to your situation, like #contraceptives or #orgasm or #relationshipadvice, to find other articles that may help you as much as this one did.

I see that you're faking orgasms so that your boyfriend feels competent in bed. Let's address the second half of that first, because it sounds really stressful. Has he displayed the kind of insecurity in the past that makes you think that he would react so negatively as to leave you if you pointed out that you haven't achieved orgasm? I think it may help, then, to point out to him that orgasm isn't something that the man "gives" to the woman, contrary to heterosexist views. Sex is supposed to be communicative. Being "good in bed" isn't an innate ability, it's something sexual partners build together. The article you read (A Faking Farewell) has a number of conversation strategies near the end for people to be able to talk about faking with their partners. It's understandable that you wouldn't want to baldly state that he's never brought you to orgasm and you've been faking it to not hurt his feelings, but what do you think his reaction would be if you used some of those strategies and scripts from the article to talk about the dissatisfying sex you've been having?