X girl

[aven1861]

Hi! I need some advice so last year I met this girl through a friend and we quickly became close. We hung out often and had a lot of fun. I had a crush on her and we started dating. At first, it was wonderful and we went on three dates organized by me. I liked her a lot and was so happy. Then after three dates, I waited for her to ask me out to something but she never did. We sort of "dated" on and of for a few months. ie held hands and talked. Eventually, I realized that she was really not putting anything into our relationship and broke up with her.I just needed more. we've stopped talking and I miss what we had. I want to go back but I feel like I shouldn't.I miss her but she never tried to maintain anything. I just can't stop thinking about what we had. any advice?

[Urna]

Hello aven1861, and welcome to Scarleteen!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're hurting. I relate to the frustration and uncertainty that being in a "situationship" brings, especially when you're the only one trying to make it work. You've done the right thing, though, by putting an end to the relationship and asserting your needs. The fact that you've stopped talking is super healthy--you need to get away from this person, both in terms of space and time, in order to cut away at the emotional attachment you have to her. Staying in that weird romantic limbo would've brought you a good deal of pain as your feelings got stronger, and returning to her now may simply convince her that she doesn't ever need to put in the work to maintain the relationship, and that she can ride roughshod over your feelings, because you'll just keep coming back anyway. No one deserves to be used like that, and when you've already taken the difficult step of ending things once, I don't think you should erase that effort for someone who simply does not care.

Missing what you had is inevitable, of course. The connection you had was important to you, and you put in the work to develop the relationship. I think that sections from this article may speak to you on that: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking.

[aven1861]

Thanks I read it article and it really helped. I am spending more time what my friends and I think it's for the better that we broke up and that I don't go back. I appreciate your help. Have a good day!