So there's a guy...
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Sofi
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Re: So there's a guy...
That's totally fine, go at your own pace. I just want you to be able to express your feelings when you feel ready to, so you can know if you're on the same page and see what step to take next.
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jenny01
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Re: So there's a guy...
It's just confusing with two guys.
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Sam W
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Re: So there's a guy...
What things about it feel confusing? Do you feel like there's pressure, either from you or from someone else, to make a choice about all this really quickly?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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jenny01
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Re: So there's a guy...
No, it's just idk how to feel about the guy who wants to have sex with me.
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Sam W
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Re: So there's a guy...
What parts of your feelings about him feel like they're in conflict?
I also want to check in on how everything else is going for you; have you checked on any of the resources we've talked about earlier in this thread to start building more independence for yourself?
I also want to check in on how everything else is going for you; have you checked on any of the resources we've talked about earlier in this thread to start building more independence for yourself?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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jenny01
- not a newbie
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- Location: Sioux Falls
Re: So there's a guy...
Like I like him, but I don't like him enough to date him. But I wanna have sex with him, but I don't.
Well like I said, my parents let me get Snapchat. And I have been babysitting by myself(like my mom doesn't make my sister come with me).
Well like I said, my parents let me get Snapchat. And I have been babysitting by myself(like my mom doesn't make my sister come with me).
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Mo
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Re: So there's a guy...
Sex is most likely to be a good experience when you go into it feeling secure in your desire for it; if you're having these very mixed feelings about it, then it sounds like now isn't the right time.
It's good that you've made some progress! Have you looked into any of the other things Heather and Sam mentioned a few pages back in the thread, like getting a PO Box or looking into what's needed to apply for disability income?
It's good that you've made some progress! Have you looked into any of the other things Heather and Sam mentioned a few pages back in the thread, like getting a PO Box or looking into what's needed to apply for disability income?
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jenny01
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- Location: Sioux Falls
Re: So there's a guy...
Yeah idk. Like I want to but idk if I should.
And no. I feel like since my parents let me do these things, maybe they'll let me start doing more things. I don't want to push them. I go out with my friend a lot now. I just kinda tell my parents I'm going with her and they're just like ok. So that's good.
And no. I feel like since my parents let me do these things, maybe they'll let me start doing more things. I don't want to push them. I go out with my friend a lot now. I just kinda tell my parents I'm going with her and they're just like ok. So that's good.
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Valerie J
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Re: So there's a guy...
Hi,
I'm wondering where you are getting this "should" feeling from. As Mo stated above, in general if there is not absolute cetainty going into sex it doesn't sound like the best time.
I'm happy to hear you've made a small bit of progress but I do want to remind you that these things they are letting you do don't even reach the bare minimum of what you should be able to do at 20 years old. In fact that this age, they shouldn't really have a say in any if not all of what you do. The concept that you need to be allowed to babysit really concerns me still. It sounds like in the past your parents have not proven to be trustworthy or consistent in how they treat you - I really struggle to trust that they will completely go against their entire track record of restricting you just because you successfully got a SnapChat account.
In general, my question is why are you feeling so resistant to setting up a safety net? Ideally, your parents would make the changes they need to to have a positive and healthy relationship with you. But in the case that they don't do that (which all evidence suggests thus far) it's a good idea to have a backup plan. What is really behind these feelings of not wanting to create that plan? I'd really encourage you to take some steps on your own looking at the resources we've given you. Maybe you will end up being right but there is no harm in taking these steps to get some sort of independence and stability. Even if your relationship with your parents was healthy I'd be encouraging you to take some of this on just to go forward in life as an adult.
I'm wondering where you are getting this "should" feeling from. As Mo stated above, in general if there is not absolute cetainty going into sex it doesn't sound like the best time.
I'm happy to hear you've made a small bit of progress but I do want to remind you that these things they are letting you do don't even reach the bare minimum of what you should be able to do at 20 years old. In fact that this age, they shouldn't really have a say in any if not all of what you do. The concept that you need to be allowed to babysit really concerns me still. It sounds like in the past your parents have not proven to be trustworthy or consistent in how they treat you - I really struggle to trust that they will completely go against their entire track record of restricting you just because you successfully got a SnapChat account.
In general, my question is why are you feeling so resistant to setting up a safety net? Ideally, your parents would make the changes they need to to have a positive and healthy relationship with you. But in the case that they don't do that (which all evidence suggests thus far) it's a good idea to have a backup plan. What is really behind these feelings of not wanting to create that plan? I'd really encourage you to take some steps on your own looking at the resources we've given you. Maybe you will end up being right but there is no harm in taking these steps to get some sort of independence and stability. Even if your relationship with your parents was healthy I'd be encouraging you to take some of this on just to go forward in life as an adult.
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jenny01
- not a newbie
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- Location: Sioux Falls
Re: So there's a guy...
Like idk if I want my first time to be with this guy.
The problem is that I have epilepsy and that hinders me from doing a lot of things. My epilepsy has gotten a lot better. I only have 5 seizures a month now. My parents didn't let me babysit by myself bc of my epilepsy.
Them letting me get Snap is a HUGE step. My mom was in tears when we talked about it before. They ABSOLUTELY HATE social media. Especially with the fact that my friend met her bf on social media. My mom freaked out. They didn't even tell me to make sure I add my siblings so they can keep an eye on me.
I don't want to bc I can't. I can't just join adoptee groups. I can't go anywhere without a ride. I can't just join a Zoom meeting without my family asking what it's for. I feel like fact that I actually am 20 has set into my parents minds. They said I should keep doing online classes for my one school after I graduate. But I said I wanted to get a job while doing school for my other school. They didn't even fight with me. They were ok with it. They have never been so accepting before. They don't care how long I stay out with my friend. I don't have a curfew. But they know me, they know I won't stay out very long. But still they don't say I have to be home by whatever time. They're being a lot less lenient and I don't want to do anything to mess that up.
The problem is that I have epilepsy and that hinders me from doing a lot of things. My epilepsy has gotten a lot better. I only have 5 seizures a month now. My parents didn't let me babysit by myself bc of my epilepsy.
Them letting me get Snap is a HUGE step. My mom was in tears when we talked about it before. They ABSOLUTELY HATE social media. Especially with the fact that my friend met her bf on social media. My mom freaked out. They didn't even tell me to make sure I add my siblings so they can keep an eye on me.
I don't want to bc I can't. I can't just join adoptee groups. I can't go anywhere without a ride. I can't just join a Zoom meeting without my family asking what it's for. I feel like fact that I actually am 20 has set into my parents minds. They said I should keep doing online classes for my one school after I graduate. But I said I wanted to get a job while doing school for my other school. They didn't even fight with me. They were ok with it. They have never been so accepting before. They don't care how long I stay out with my friend. I don't have a curfew. But they know me, they know I won't stay out very long. But still they don't say I have to be home by whatever time. They're being a lot less lenient and I don't want to do anything to mess that up.
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Mo
- previous staff/volunteer
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Re: So there's a guy...
I'd say if you aren't feeling really sure and confident that you want to have sex with him, that's a pretty good reason to say no. Sex is always going to be best when everyone involved genuinely wants it and is excited to be having sex with that person in particular.
It's definitely good that your parents have been a bit more lenient in some ways recently! The reason we're encouraging you to look into resources for further independence is that it still sounds like any significant steps you take towards independence from them are going to be steps you take and actions you initiate. We just want you to have as many tools and resources at your disposal as possible as you make goals or plans for the future.
It's definitely good that your parents have been a bit more lenient in some ways recently! The reason we're encouraging you to look into resources for further independence is that it still sounds like any significant steps you take towards independence from them are going to be steps you take and actions you initiate. We just want you to have as many tools and resources at your disposal as possible as you make goals or plans for the future.