I am mentally deteriorating

[miskosou]

hello , im a 16 year old person and im sorry for thebadtyping, i am not used to tapping anymore
i havetalked about some of my problems before here but thjs one is my biggest
I feel so dramatic, but the title is true
Everyday is a struggle to get through, and iamso tiredof people saying"wellyoure getting through it!"like no, i am not iam barely trudging through the day. I feel so exhausted and stressed everyday for months atthis point.
Its so hard to live in the house i am in as my parents just dont care. Nothing feels good anymore,my friends used to get me happy but now im forcing a smile on my face and putting a differentpersona on. I can barely put the work in atschool anymore and i have my prelims coming up in 1 week anda halfand knowing im going to fail themand dissapoint my dad yetagain makes melose so much hope in mkaing it to the next day.

Im so soso tiredof people saying things thatare supposed to make mefeel better, because they dont,they judt make me feel like sh,t because since i know im not going to do whatthey suggest, i just know im letting yetanother persondown. I dont have the energy and imexhausted. I just sit in class and stare at my paper because i cant concentrate and my mind is elsewhere. I cant remember thigs anymore, my memory isgenuinely failing me and no one is taking it seriously. I triedto talk to my dad about school being hard but he said " so what im hearing is a lot of complaints and nothing being done about it" whichmade me just not want to leave my room ever again.

Leaving my room is difficult, finding a reason to get up in the morning is slowly getting impossible. Schools drains me so much and i dont know how i can emphasise how difficult it is to find a reason anymore.
Suxcide hotlines do not work, they just get the police on me and my mum and dad give me into trouble for stressing them out. Im not in immediate danger, dont worry. Everything is just going wrong and i dont know how long its going to be until i literqlly just cant hold it anymore.

im so upset that i am still alive, i wish 10 year old me just got it done and over with soi wouldnt have to deal with the life i have to live now
Soz xx lol had to get it out

[Sam W]

miskosou,

It sounds like you're dealing with some pretty serious depression, which is only being compounded by the fact your parents either don't take your struggles seriously or dismiss and blame you when you try to get help. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that on top of everything else.

So, what I'm going to do is suggest a few starting places for you to tackle this from different angles to increases the chances that you'll find the help you need. You don't have to do them all at once; instead, we can work out which steps make the most sense to start with. Just so you know, I'm also someone who deals with depression, so I get just how daunting it can be to deal with the feeling that nothing is ever going to improve. I can also say that it does; not in a cheesy "just hold on and it gets better way" but in a "yes, this sucks, and I might have to claw my way out or hunker down until the worst passes but there are things on the other side of this worth going on for."

The first place I want to direct you is to "Hello, Cruel World": https://silentscreamsandskinnydreams.we ... _world.pdf. That book can be incredibly helpful on days when you're feeling very, very low.

Next, you might find the resources on these pages helpful, especially when it comes to finding mental healthcare. The depression you're describing needs the help of a professional, not because you're deteriorating but because you're in distress and deserve the help of a professional who knows how to manage that distress. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... community/, https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other ... Search/330

How about you take some time today to check those links out, even if it's just to poke around?

[miskosou]

thank you sam i will check those out
its nice to not just hear "oh hhold on youll be okay" and stuff like that because sometimes you arent
though the bit i am hesitant on is the "serious depression" because camhs did a full report on me and said there is no signs of any mental illnes at all or no plausible cause for it
though camhs is bad sooo idk
Thank you

[Sam W]

I'm glad that's helpful to hear! I'm a firm believer in keeping going, even when things are awful, and I genuinely believe things do get better. But I also think it helps to acknowledge just how much suckiness we sometimes have to deal with on the way to being okay, and to admit than when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, those better moments feel like they may as well exist on another planet.

It may be that you don't have an underlying diagnosis (although depending on how recent that report was, a new evaluation might come to a different conclusion). But you don't need a diagnosis to get help, or for the depression you're dealing with to have very real consequences for you. Plenty of people deal with depression that stems more from a specific event or set of events than it does from an underlying mental illness.

I hope you find helpful things in those resources! I want to toss one more suggestion your way; for the next few days, how about committing to doing one small, nice thing for yourself each day? That can be something as simple as texting a friend who makes you smile, watching a goofy video, taking a nap, eating a candy bar, things like that. Sometimes those little moments of reminding ourselves that we deserve to feel something pleasant, even for a few minutes, can help us get through tough times.

[miskosou]

I looked at those links, and ive decide to tty go see my local gp on monday about my symtpoms now im 16, i only just turned it on the 15th so this is the first time ive been able to go without needing to notify my parents
ill try with the small happy things, thank you sam

[Sam W]

You're very welcome! And I hope the visit to the GP goes well!