Advice for texting/talking to cute guy

[Hel]

Hi,

So at my new school there's this guy I think is really cute - he's in only one class with me but he's pretty popular and hot in my opinion. I haven't talked to him much yet but I'd like to get to know him...

The thing is, I've never been much of a flirt (I'd like to be - I'm adapting more of a go-for-it-you-only-live-once attitude) and I don't know what's crossing the line.

Basically, one of the times we talked he had some Hershey's kisses, and I was thinking of sending a text that says ''hey, I forgot to thank you for the kiss" and then riff off that. But I've never texted him before, much less talked to him - I mean, he knows my name and I thought I felt a spark between us. But I don't want to embarrass myself. Problem is, I've always played it safe and never dated someone who I actually found attractive in a physical and emotional way.

How soon is too soon to make a move? Is texting better than in-person, since I struggle with words face-to-face?

We've only talked twice but I think he's really cute and funny. I'm over the moon...

[Elise]

Hi Hel, it is exciting when you meet someone who makes you feel this way! One thing it can help to think about is that beyond being respectful and honest, there is no single "right" way to start communicating with someone new that you like.

If you find texting better, it is absolutely fine to text. If you'd like to try some playful banter with the Hershey Kiss idea, and that'd be fun for you (and they seem to respond well to it when you try), then that is fine too (and you can always change tack if they're not into it). But if that seems stressful to you (and that kind of flirting seems like something you "should" do and less genuine to you), then it is also to be totally okay to say "Hey! It was nice meeting you/hanging out/your own words here, would you like to hang out again?", however you'd usually phrase that kind of sentiment yourself.

It is also totally okay to ask them hang out in a platonic way to find out more about them and if you do get along, in the event that you don't know a lot about this person yet. You can also ask them on a date, whichever you feel comfortable with, either would be appropriate. If you do meet up in a platonic context again and you still feel like you'd like to ask them out, then it'd be a good idea to be clear about that so everyone is on the same page, if that makes sense?

If you want to text more before meeting up again, you could ask them about what they like (like D&D, games, books, etc.), and hopefully you can start chatting about something you both like that way, and get more of a sense of who he is, and what he is like. I know that it can feel like the stakes are really high when there are emotions involved and can lead us to overthink it all, where actually this can actually be navigated in a similar way to starting a friendship, and isn't a "one wrong step and it's all over" situation at all.

Here are some more articles about crushes and asking people out, that you can read. Do take a look and let us know your thoughts!

• How do I ask a guy out? (the related links list at the bottom would be great to read, too.
• Puppy Love: The Do's & Don'ts of Crushes (With Help from a Very Small Dog) (since you mentioned being unsure of boundaries in this kind of context, this is a great start).

[Hel]

Thanks for the advice! I decided to wait until I talk to him a couple of times before I ask him out. But I do appreciate the articles. They're really helpful

[Mo]

Glad you found those articles helpful! I hope that no matter what else happens you have a good time talking with him.