abuse questions

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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TheBoyNextDoor
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2022 1:06 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: i have heterochromia!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: questioning
Location: new england

abuse questions

Unread post by TheBoyNextDoor »

hi! is there a guide or smth regarding what docs can or can't do during examinations? i had something happen to me 2 weeks ago and i'm not sure if he took some liberties he shouldn't have or not. i called where i went and they said even though it's not common procedure it sometimes happen on a case by case basis and that the doctor followed protocol. out of curiosity I decided to call another clinic in a different state and they told me they have absolutely no grounds to conduct such tests during basic routine check ups. and tbh i dunno who to believe. they were both very credible to me (even the doc where i had my yearly check up said stuff that made a lot of sense)
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: abuse questions

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi TheBoyNextDoor,

I believe you and I spoke about this in chat a few weeks back, and I'm glad you called another clinic to get a second opinion like we talked about!

While I can see asking for a semen sample on a case by case basis, I have to be honest when I say that even in appointments where the whole point is to collect a semen sample (like for infertility or certain cancer evaluations) it is never even considered an option for the healthcare provider to assist. So if his office said that part of this was "following protocol" they're wrong. There are lots of other options for if someone is struggling to produce a sample, and the fact yours went straight to suggesting he "help" is really, really not okay.

To answer you first question, I do think it's important to know that consent should be as important in healthcare settings as it is elsewhere. In non-life threatening situations, you have the right to refuse treatments or tests.

How do you feel about everything I just wrote?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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TheBoyNextDoor
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2022 1:06 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: i have heterochromia!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: questioning
Location: new england

Re: abuse questions

Unread post by TheBoyNextDoor »

hi sam! regarding our convo in live chat (with heather too) i followed ur advice and they were super helpful fr thx a lot for that ressource!
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9703
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: abuse questions

Unread post by Heather »

I'm glad to hear that. Do you have the help you need from the medical board and any of those abuse crisis services to move forward with this, or are there still things around this you want or need from us?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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TheBoyNextDoor
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2022 1:06 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: i have heterochromia!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: questioning
Location: new england

Re: abuse questions

Unread post by TheBoyNextDoor »

i think i'll be able to have the help i need from them!
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