I feel nothing when I touch myself

[Calimint]

I’m a 16 year old female and I only started touching and playing with myself a couple months ago. I thought everything was normal till my girlfriend started telling me how good masturbating and touching herself was. For me, it’s pretty boring. I can only last a few minutes till I get terribly bored of it. It feels like I’m touching another part of my body. The only thing I ever notice is that I get the urge to pee, which I thought used to mean something but apparently not?
I also do get turned on. But I can’t ever do anything to relieve myself. I have never cum or orgasmed, if that wasn’t obvious. I just feel so hopeless… everyone describes masturbating as this amazing thing while I feel… nothing. I want to feel what everyone else is feeling but I just feel hopeless.

[Sam W]

Hi Calimint,

It can definitely feel frustrating to feel like you're missing out on something when you try to masturbate. Can I ask how much experimentation you've done when trying to masturbate, both in terms of how you're doing it and in terms of things like the fantasies you're using?

[Calimint]

I know I haven’t done too much experimentation. I usually finger myself or try playing with my clit but it just feels like I’m touching another part of my body. I’ve tried masturbating with a handle of a razor before and it felt alright, not bad but not good. I usually text my girlfriend when we’re both in the mood, and I usually imagine her touching me while I touch myself but it still feels like nothing. It makes me so upset and frustrated because I can’t ever feel the things she describes. It makes me fear I’ll never feel pleasure like other people do.

[Sam W]

Got it. If it helps to know, this isn't a sign that you'll never be able to experience pleasure the way other people do. In fact, if you poke around the boards, you'll notice you're far from the only person dealing with this or getting frustrated with the fact masturbation doesn't feel like much to them.

Since you haven't had a chance to experiment much, I'm going to give you a few articles that have some recommendations for things to try:
Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition
How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

Looking at those, do you see some things you can try?

[Calimint]

Thank you for the articles. They definitely made me feel more normal. Whenever I do try masturbating I usually feel pressure to make it “feel good” instead of actually trying to enjoy it, so when I have time I’ll just to just take time to myself and try to explore what I like. As for the fantasies, usually when I do have them I get turned on but I still don’t feel anything. Though, I’m usually always trying to make it feel good rather than trying to enjoy myself, like I said before. I might try watching porn and see what it does for me. The only type of sexual media I’ve delve in was reading smut and it does get me turned on but the only thing I ever feel is the need to pee. I just hope that the reason I don’t feel much is because I’m new to this and not because there’s actually something wrong with me.

[Sam W]

I think it's helpful to have spotted that you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make masturbation feel good rather than just focusing on what feels enjoyable in the moment. Pressure is one of those things that can really kill our ability to feel pleasure. So, the more you can focus on what you actually like, the more likely you are to get pleasure from masturbation, you know?

[Calimint]

Yes I get it! Thank you for all the advice.

I have since tried masturbating with the razor handle I mentioned earlier. I think since I haven’t masturbated with it in awhile my body wasn’t used to it so it actually felt pretty good. Still not amazing like some people describe, but just pretty good. Though, since then, I’ve felt really sore down there and almost a burn like feeling when I was cleaning in the shower. Is this normal?

[Elise]

Hi there Calimint, glad to hear your exploration is going in a positive direction. As Sam as the article said, exploring the things that feel good and seeing where that goes is a good low-pressure way to see how what you like best and feel more comfortable with masturbating.

The soreness you mentioned is something that can come up, and is likely a result of a bit of irritation from the friction from the rubbing of hands/the object used. Were you using lube on the razor handle at all? Using lube/using more lube, should assist with this. If the current discomfort you are feeling doesn't go away after a day or so, it'd be worth checking in with a sexual healthcare provider. You can read more about lube here:
Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer

[Calimint]

Unfortunately I don’t have access to lube. Though, I plan to take a break from masturbating for a few days and I’ll if the soreness goes away.

[Sofi]

That sounds like a good plan, please let us know if it hasn't - as Elise mentioned, it might be good to check in with a healthcare provider if it hasn't by then. I also wanted to mention, there are several ways to get lube that don't necessarily require you to purchase it. Your doctor's office is one place, for example, where you can just ask for lube and they will give you some. Also, or if you don't have a primary doctor at the time, most community or school-based health centers provide free lube. Lastly, you can use some natural oils as an alternative, although some people find them irritating so please do a patch test first before using a lot of it just in case. The most common ones are coconut oil and olive oil, but it could in theory be any natural oil, ideally something organic.
Here's an article with some more info on lube, let me know if you have any questions about it!

[Calimint]

I wasn’t plannnng on writing a update but I think I should! So this past weekend I went to the mall with my friend and we went so Spencer’s…. Guess what I got!! I got two new vibrators, toy cleaner and lube!! I was really surprised because they didn’t even ask me my age (I’m 16) and they even helped me out picking out items!

Anyways, I just tried them out today and omg… I seriously thought I just wasn’t sensitive but I was very wrong HAHA. The vibrator didn’t do much inside me, like I felt it but it would only feel good sometimes. But on my clit on the other hand… it felt amazing. I never felt so much pleasure before it was great !!

One problem though, it’s a little weird but when I do masturbate and I feel lots of pleasure I usually end up peeing very embarrassing haha and I’m not sure if it’s normal? My girlfriend says she literally can’t pee will aroused which is very odd to me because literally I can’t control it. Is there anything I can do to help control this or even stop this?

[Sofi]

Oh, yay! Love to hear this, I'm glad you found what works for you!
Truthfully, I'm hesitant to assume what's going on, because you might be ejaculation (commonly referred to as "squirting"), which can look and feel similar to peeing. Either way, neither one is embarassing and not really something we can control, to be honest.
Here's an article about it, but the main quote I want you to read is: "Some people will posit that "female" ejaculation is just urinating. We know enough to know that's not true. While it appears that this kind of ejaculation is a function of the paraurethral glands (like the Skene's glands) which comes through the urethra -- the same place we urinate -- and the fluid is a lot like urine, enough research has been done which finds this fluid to be very different from urine, even though it's possible some elements of urine are in the mix."
My best recommendation is to set some towels down if you know it's likely to happen, that'll help make cleanup a lot easier. And know you're not alone in this, every body is different!