Cannot orgasm anymore

[Rubix]

For me, when an intrusive thought like "I need to do the dishes", "I have laundry that needs to be dealt with", or "I need to complete my school work for class tomorrow" enters my brain, I find myself completely unable to stop thinking about this thing. I think I have OCD, but I've never gotten an official diagnosis. The only way to get these thoughts to go away is to actually go complete the associated task. When a thought like this comes up during masturbation, it totally kills the mood for me, because of the aforementioned perseveration issue.

Clearly the best thing to do is just take care of all of these things before touching myself. However, that's much easier said than done. When I get horny, I need to deal with my sexual needs first, or I will be super uncomfortable trying to do anything else. And for me, being horny knows no schedule. I just get horny at random points during the day.

This is something I said a few days ago. In the past few days, I feel like this has only gotten worse. These turn-offs seem to be more prevalent in my life than ever before. I'm really not sure what I can do about this. Is there anything I can do about this? It's really distressing to be have a ton of sexual desire, but also know that physical touch isn't gonna feel good because these turn-offs exist.

[Sam W]

Hi Rubix,

I'm sorry these have been getting worse lately! Do they tend to only be very concrete things, like chores? And have you noticed another big life change or stressor that might be driving the increase in them?

[Rubix]

Yes, these tend to be only concrete thing, like chores. And yeah, my sister recently moved out of the house to live with her girlfriend, so now my parents are relying on me a lot more to get the housework done.

[Sofi]

If you find that after masturbating you're able to complete tasks better, would it be possible to kind of schedule sessions in? I know ideally you'd just wait to be in the mood and do it then, but if it's totally getting in the way of chores (and then the chores are getting in the way of your sessions), perhaps getting ahead of it would help. So rather than having sessions based on when you get in the mood, you can purposely have a session at a convenient time of the day and THEN focus on your chores, leaving you some time at the end free too. Does that sound like something you could do?

[Rubix]

Sofi,
Yes. That sounds like a good idea. In fact, I find it best to start my day with a masturbation session. I'm not sure why. I think it's because I find the stress relieving properties of masturbation to be a good way to add a spring in my step. I might just start each morning with a 20-30 minute masturbation session. It's like how some people begin their day with yoga or meditation.

[Sofi]

Yes! That's actually a great way to compare it, honestly. Everyone has something different that relaxes and/or energizes them for the day, so this can be your thing

[Rubix]

Does it make sense that my sister moving out to live with her girlfriend, and that causing me to have to do more work around the house would be a major stressor in my life. Before she moved out, we shared the chores workload. But now I'm having to do BOTH her chores and my own. I'm still not used to doing this amount of work around the house. Often it takes longer than I'm expecting. Does it make sense that this would be affecting my ability to orgasm?

[Sofi]

It does make sense, yep. Pretty much anything can affect our sexuality, including ability to orgasm and everything that it involves, and what you're describing definitely sounds stressful. It can feel weird when masturbation helps us relax and relieve stress but also stress makes it harder to masturbate/orgasm, but finding a balance (such as starting the day out with a session, when you're not worrying about chores yet) is important so that's the goal.

[Rubix]

Thank you so much Sofi
I think I'll try masturbating in the morning for a few days to a week and I'll get back to you folks with the results. Do you think masturbating once every single day in the morning would be too much masturbation?

[Sofi]

You're very welcome! And nope, not too much, as long as it doesn't feel overwhelming to you, there isn't anything wrong with masturbating every day or as often as makes sense to you. Of course we recommend to always be gentle and use lube when necessary so there doesn't end up being any pain or soreness involved!

[Rubix]

This morning I woke up feeling very horny. I thought to myself, "yes... I have chores to do today, but those can wait. I want to pleasure myself right now!" So I got started reading some erotica and get aroused. Then I started touching myself. I went slowly and savored the very pleasing sensations. I could feel the pleasure building up. This time, instead of hitting a wall, the pleasure kept building and building and building and, for the first time in about a week, I had an orgasm. It took about 30 minutes from the time I first started touching myself until the time I came, plus about 30 minutes before the actual touching of just getting myself aroused. But that's fine with me. It was an insanely pleasurable experience from start to finish.

I think masturbating early in the morning, before the stress of all the daily chores sets in is a great way to start the day. I feel less stressed and more relaxed right now. It's amazing how being in the right mind set can really make masturbation more pleasurable, and make achieving orgasm a lot more possible.

[Carly]

I'm so glad you're finding stuff that works for you, Rubix! You've learned so much about yourself recently.

[Rubix]

Thank you so so much Carly!!! I now feel a lot more happy about my life, and a lot more informed about how my body works than I did a few weeks ago!!!!!

Earlier today, I tried morning masturbation again. It took about the same length of time as it did yesterday, but I did manag to orgasm again!! For the past few months, I've only been able to orgasm about once every other week, and only with a lot of effort. Now that I've found a routine that works for me, I'm able to get off so much more easily. After cumming today, I felt so much more motivated to tackle my chores and study for my college classes.

I'm just a bit worried that this routine will prime my brain to only be able experience sexual pleasure early in the morning, shortly after waking up. I'm just worried that, if I continue with this pattern of getting off first thing in the morning, I'll find myself unable to orgasm at other times during the day. Is that a valid concern? Or am I just making myself paranoid for no reason?

[Sam W]

Hi Rubix,

Hooray for another masturbation session that went how you wanted!

Honestly, a lot of people develop habits with masturbation, including when they like to do it. That doesn't mean you won't be able to get off at other times of day; it just means that, right now, you've found a time of day where you have time do masturbate how you want.