im not sure what to do about my weightgain urges

[amysands176]

hi, i have had weightgain fantasies for as long as i can remember but ive always repressed them and kept slim and toned. Recently i keep thinking about gaining weight, my fantasies are not huge at all, only 20lbs or 30lbs or so but it really turns me on to think about it at times but there are times where i really want to experience a gain and others to just stay slim when i am unaroused. sometimes i feel strange for thinking this. When i am not turned on i dont really think to much about it and like being slim but when i am i just want to be softer and chubbier. it is confusing! i value health but i keep fantasising about gaining and the urges seem to be getting stronger than ever. What is your advise. Thanks

[Urna]

Hello amysands, and welcome to Scarleteen!

I understand how confusing it must be to have such conflicting thoughts about gaining weight, and I'm sorry to hear that this has been a long-term difficulty. I should say here that weight gain fantasies are extremely common, and there is nothing wrong with having them, or for thinking and feeling that fat is sexy (because it is!). Also, fatness and health are not opposed to each other. I know many people who are fat as well as fit, and there are lots of celebrity examples too, such as Barbie Ferreira, Jessamyn Stanley, and Meg Boggs, to name a few. Ultimately, though, the most healthy way to live is to simply let your body be the size that it wants to be, instead of trying to make it fatter or slimmer. This happens if you take care of your body by feeding it, watering it, and moving, all in moderation, instead of doing anything in extremes. By having a loving relationship with your body in this way, you can enjoy your weight gain fantasies without having to repress them and without having to strive for a slim body. Does that make sense?

[amysands176]

Yes it does thanks, so to not actually try to gain but just see how my body goes naturally. If I keep eating as I am now though I will not gain as I have good meals but not enough that it will cause me to gain. There are times when the urge to gain is so much that I end up making a weight gain shake and end up regretting it afterwards! How do I gain whilst listening to my body and how do I get rid of feeling bad for having this kink. I don't want to gain weight and then regret it but at the same time I wat to get chubby so much !

[Sam W]

Hi amysands176,

It may help to separate out what it feels good to fantasize about and what it feels good to do in your actual life. People enjoy sexual fantasies about all sorts of things, including things they don't actually want to happen. Sometimes, we have an easier time being comfortable with kinks and fantasies if we remember we don't have to do anything with them. Does that make sense?

Too, can you tell me a little bit about the messages you've gotten around things like health and weight growing up?

[amysands176]

nobody has ever forced ideal weight ideals on me. Health is all about being physically, mentally and spiritually nourished and my family all know that, so i haven't really had a problem with other people trying to impose a certain ideal weight on me. How would i know though, without obviously gaining if i would like it in real life though. I feel like a fantasise a lot about it because i know it is possible to actually make it a reality. Again i don't fantasise about being fat, more just softer and plump.

[Sam W]

Got it. So, I think it may help to take a step back and see if you can articulate why that fantasy appeals to you; is it the thought of how you'd look? How you'd feel in your own skin? The actions you'd take, or the things you'd be allowed to indulge in--or stop doing-- in order to get there? Something else?

I do think you have some clue to how you'd react in reality in how you feel after you make those shakes; it sounds like you don't feel great, which suggests that if you did start gaining weight it might bring up a lot of guilt and anxiety.

[amysands176]

for me, i feel like i would love being able to grab like soft flesh off my body, i know it may sound weird but it really turns me on. Also how id look and seeing extra rolls and seeing parts jiggle that didnt used to, like imagining that. but yeah, whilst im having the shake it is beyond exciting for me but afterwards i feel a little guilty and strange for doing it. its like i do like my body now, but i really want to experience it so much at times!

[Sam W]

It sounds like, then, it makes the most sense to keep whatever eating habits help you feel happy and healthy and let the weight gain fantasies remain something you use during things like masturbation. You could even explore positions for masturbating or even just touching yourself that create some of that softness you're interested in.

[amysands176]

Ok, so to keep it purely fantasy and not actually act on any weight gain ?

[Sam W]

Ultimately, what you want to do with your body is up to you, not me (or anyone else). But given what we've talked about, it sounds like this staying in the realm of fantasy may be the better cal in terms of your feelings towards yourself.