Moaning During Masturbation???

[Rubix]

Is it normal to moan while masturbating? I often find myself moaning involuntarily while masturbating. I've gotten into the habit of masturbating every day in the morning before starting my day. My main issue is that I'm worried my mom and/or sister will hear me and know what I'm doing.

Also, when I do moan, I hear that my voice is a low bass. As a trans woman, who strongly wishes she had a feminine soprano voice, hearing my low and deep voice turns me off and makes orgasm so much harder to achieve. Is there anything I can do to deal with this?

[Heather]

Hey there, Rubix.

Making noise during any kind of sexual activity is very common, and it's also something that tends to happen involuntarily (sparing the times when people are making noises to perform in some way, or on purpose to just try and express their pleasure). It also is pretty well understood in sexology to enhance sexual experiences in a bunch of ways.

Per your voice, you have some options. I'd perhaps obviously remind you that not all women are sopranos, and that it might help to try and find your feminine in a lower voice range. There are certainly women -- cis and trans alike -- who are both feminine and altos or even lower ranges than that. I think of a singer like Odetta, with her gorgeous round bass voice, who presented feminine, as one example.

But while I can't say if a soprano range is within your reach, you certainly can look into vocal training if you like, including for your transition as a whole. You'd look up "trans vocal coaching" or "trans voice training" to find out about options. One trainer I want to mention who we know is great, accessible and affordable, is Reneé Yoxon -- https://www.reneeyoxon.com/store -- who we also interviewed here: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... raffirming. Even if you don't go with them, that interview and their website gives a lot of information about gender-affirming voice training.

[Rubix]

Do you think wearing earplugs during masturbation could help me be able to moan without getting turned off by my own moans? Or does that seem like a silly thing to do? Also, what should I do about my mom and/or sister hearing possibly hearing my moans? Is that a bad thing?

[Heather]

I couldn't say, but it would certainly be easy to try on your own and see. Another option like that might be to wear headphones and play music with the kind of vocal sounds you like? (The Cocteau Twins vocalist Elizabeth Fraser sounds like a mezzo soprano, IMO, and their sounds are very guttural and wordless but beautifully floaty, if you want a musical suggestion!)

I can't speak to what it would be like in your family. Is masturbation something that's ever been discussed, or otherwise addressed so you could have some sense of how they might react? I'd say that is YOU feel like it's something you don't want to have heard, regardless of their reaction, you might just want to choose times to do it they're not home or asleep.

[Rubix]

Yeah. My family is very sex-positive. My sister and I often discuss masturbation together. I'm curious about how she does it, and what it feels like for her, because she's a cis woman, and I'm not. She's curious about how I do it, because she wants to know how AMAB trans folks do it. We only share things verbally though, never showing our private parts to each other, and it remains 100% consensual. Mom has told me and my sister from a young age that she supports self play, just so long as we remain hygienic and do it in private. Mom's literally said to us in the past "I'd rather you masturbate than have sex with another person, because it's a far safer way to relieve sexual tension. Just remain hygienic and do it in private." This was followed by a brief lesson on good hygiene during masturbation, such as hand washing before and after.

With all that being said, I guess I'm worried my family will hear me primarily because I feel like it's an invasion of privacy. It's hard to get fully into the right mindset to feel aroused when I know someone else in my family can hear me.

Also, using audio that sounds pleasing to my ears sounds like a great way to block out the sounds of my moaning and stay in the right headspace for pleasure. I'll have to try that.

[Heather]

Your Mom sounds pretty fantastic, and it's great that your household has both normalized sexuality so much AND has good boundaries. All of that is so rare. That's just wonderful.

I hear you on the privacy: that's what I figured. So, given how sex-positive your family is, maybe the answer is to see if there isn't a way to give any of you a little time alone or more privacy otherwise so this is less of an issue? Mind, in some households, especially while we are all still living with the pandemic, that time and space might be hard to come by. But it sounds like you live in a household where you could at least ask.

[Rubix]

Yeah. I've just asked my mom and sister if we'd be able to have a family meeting tonight, so I could ask about privacy during masturbation. I told them I wanted to discuss some important things but didn't specifically say what. It's just the three of us living in this house (don't ask about my father, it's a complicated story that I'm not willing to talk about). Both of them have agreed to this meeting. I'll let you know how this goes after the meeting has happened. I'm confident that the three of us can come to an agreement that works for all of us.

[Rubix]

So, I've talked to Mom and my sister about wanting times when I can have privacy to masturbate. My sister then mentioned also wanting similar things. We managed to magnanimously come to an agreement that works for all of us.

I also tried using music to block out the sounds of my own moaning when masturbating earlier today. It worked really well. I'm not even sure if I was moaning or not, because I had some music on in my headphones. All I know is that this was the most pleasurable orgasm I've had in a long time. It really helped that I wasn't distracted by the constant involuntary reminder that I'm AMAB and have a low voice.

Also, I totally agree with you, Heather; it is quite rare for families to have this much sex positivity. But it's not as peachy keen as you might think. Mom really hated when I came out as trans. Mom has always been a bit transphobic through out my life. When I came out, it was an enormous shock to her. Even now, almost a year later, she's still struggling a little to remember my pronouns and chosen name (Mom sometimes uses my dead name). So, it's been a difficult life for me, as you can see. My sister on the other hand, has been nothing but supportive. She's always used my correct name and pronouns, and has even been doing my nails for me and braiding my hair and helping me feel super feminine.

[Sofi]

Hi Rubix, this is great news! I'm glad you and your family could come to an agreement and also that Heather's suggestion worked. I'm so sorry to hear it's been tough for you, though, with your mom being a bit transphobic. That can be really difficult to process, especially since she's otherwise supportive of you. Would you like to talk about this some more?

[Rubix]

Sofi, I don't really want to talk about my life and my mother and her slightly transphobic behavior right now. I'm seeing my therapist on tomorrow, and I'll be talking to her about this. I don't want to have to explain myself multiple times, as it's going to be hard enough to talk about even just the once. I might start another thread in a few days if I feel like I need more help.

[Mo]

That makes a lot of sense! I can understand that feeling of not wanting to discuss a difficult situation any more than you have to. We're here to listen if it's ever something you do want to talk about, but we only ever want people to post things here that they want to share or discuss with us.