What's it with virginity and African parents?

[Tina156]

I stay with my mum, she is the only surviving parent. So one day my mum found out I have been deflowered, she saw it like a taboo, making me feel like I did something wrong. She was crying still don't know the point of crying cause I never counted my virginity as anything.

I'm 16 and please tell me what's special about being a virgin or why is it valueable to parents even when I didn't get pregnant or contact STIs?

[Sam W]

Hi Tina156,

As you're discovering the hard way, virginity is something that some people ascribe a LOT of value to. How much the value virginity, if they value it at all, has to do with things like cultural or religious beliefs, or just the things they were taught by their parents when they were growing up. That's why an emphasis on virginity as important exists in lots and lots of different countries (for instance, there are a lot of people here in the U.S who stress the importance of virginity in the same way your mom does). To know why your mom, specifically, cares about it so much, you'd have to ask her, because only she knows what's going on in her mind.

Here's the thing: virginity isn't even a real, physical state. It's an idea that people came up with and some people continue to value highly. That's how come what "counts" as virginity changes depending on who you ask. If you haven't already read it, this article offers some really good information on virginity as a concept: 20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank. When you read that article, are there any things that jump out at you?