Crossdresser Is A Loaded Label

[DiverDoubt]

I’ve always been fairly tomboyish, but COVID has taken it to a strange, new level.

- At the beginning of quarantine, I developed an interest in professional wrestling. Eventually found my way over to a wrestling forum, where, due to my username, I was assumed to be male. Through this, I realized I didn’t really mind being addressed as “he”, even if it isn’t exactly correct.

- Sometime last year, I discovered a pair of my pyjama bottoms included a fly. This amused me so much that, for Christmas, I asked for a couple pairs of men’s underwear. They’re my favourite article of clothing, next to my swim trunks.

- A couple months back, I got my hair cut short. Among a myriad of other reasons, I wished to experiment with how I felt about masculine terms offline. Masks are required at my workplace, as well as a hat. I found, if I leave my glasses off, male customers are more likely to view me as a boy, despite my name tag and voice strongly suggesting otherwise. I get called things like “buddy”, “man”, and “chief” by middle-aged fathers. It’s always interesting. I still don’t mind.

- I’m not attracted to girls, I don’t think, but, sometimes, I fantasize about what it might be like to take them out/treat them to something as a guy/masculine role. In the 8th Grade, there was a girl who sat diagonally from me. I didn’t think much of her, just that she was an acquaintance with very similar academic struggles, but, when graduation rolled around, I suddenly began envisioning taking her to the dance. No idea why. More recently, a former schoolmate vented to me about some relationship problems she was experiencing. As I listened, I couldn’t help but think “Shame on him! If I had a guy’s body, I’d treat you right!”

- Body/gender swap movies, like Zerophilia (2005) or Your Name (2016), make me feel… odd. These odd feelings, in turn, make me feel an absolute freak.

Currently, I’d classify my gender identity as genderqueer. Lately, though, I’ve been looking into the word crossdresser, as a quick way to describe myself to others. However, crossdresser is a loaded label. There’s a lot of stigma and shame associated with it.

I don’t really know what I’m asking here. I guess I just feel like a total weirdo and don’t know what to do about it.

[Sofi]

Hi DiverDoubt, welcome to the boards!
What you're going through can be confusing at times, leaving you feeling like your gender identity is weird or rare. Truth be told, it isn't as rare as you'd think (and not weird at all)! How you label or classify yourself is entirely up to you, as you know, and if there's a word you're not fully comfortable with such as crossdresser then it's okay to avoid it for now. I want to link an article from our site, some of it is pretty basic stuff but there are sections that I think you'll find helpful or at least affirming: Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer
There's also this advice column - the person writing in is obviously not on the same exact boat as you, but again, parts of it in our response might be good to read: Bottoming, crossdressing and bisexuality have got me hella confused.
Does anything in these pieces resonate with you, or do you have any questions about them?