Tumblr makes me sad sometimes (Leelah Alcorn)

[Keda]

I don't know how many of you guys have heard of Leelah Alcorn: she was a trans teen in the US, who killed herself a few days ago, having left a suicide note online. Since she came out to her family, they'd been as unsupportive as they possibly could, had punished her for being trans, and had forced her to go to conversion therapy; this was the big reason for her suicide, alongside the fact that she'd been miseducated into believing that if she waited until 18 to transition (which she would have to to avoid needing parental consent), she would never be able to transition fully. It's really, really awful, and my dash has been full of memorials, translifeline posts and requests for people to donate to trans charities in Leelah's memory.

Tumblr is one of those very few wonderful places where I can generally rely on people being kind, loving and nice, even when they fuck up, so it's always a bit jarring when you see a nasty post; earlier I saw one in which someone was claiming that Leelah's parents "had every right to misgender [her]" because "he was a boy and that's a fact"... so I stewed over it for about two hours of card games with my family - best idea ever, right - and then wrote a response which I think came out pretty collected and positive and... now I just feel awful. I live in a bubble of people who care about each other whenever I can, and being reminded that there are people for whom "wellbeing of others" comes so far below "me being right and you knowing it" in the list of priorities... is just so damn shitty.

I guess I'm fishing for hugs, but discussion is great too.

[Heather]

We were all very upset by this story this week, so hugs, indeed. Every time something like this happens -- and it does, again and again -- it is terrible and beyond upsetting.

I think, though, the sad thing is stuff like this isn't about Tumblr, or any other particular form of media. Because what it is about is how many people still think this way, and people who do simply using what places they have to broadcast those views. I think one of the hardest things to accept when it comes to social media and other online spaces is that they are all made of people, so really, none of them -- even someplace like this, where we moderate so actively -- are going to be places we can count on to not, at least sometimes, if not often, contain content reflective of people, including people's failings.

[Keda]

No, you're right - it's not a failing of tumblr at all. But you go into some spaces geared up for the possibility of people saying horrible things, and tumblr isn't one of those spaces for me.

Social change is a funny thing - when you're near the front of it, it can be easy to forget how many pockets of society, some of them huge, haven't even caught a whiff of that change yet. Especially when you've spent enough time thinking about something, such as misgendering, to have broken it down to basic (and pretty uncontroversial) moral principles, and yet it still doesn't read with so many people.

btw, as you're here (opportunism much!), you made a slip in the vagina size answer - just under the "All that said" heading there's a bit about "a man's penis", it'd be nice if that was less gender-specific.

[Heather]

(When we're talking to people who are talking about a certain gender with certain anatomy, as that user was -- we generally tend to try and use both inclusive language and language that reflects the way they are identifying their bodies and gender. If we don't go with some of someone's own frameworks they're bringing, it is much harder for them to resonate with the information we're giving. If you use too many frameworks or terms outside someone's clearly expressed own frameworks and terms, you can just lose them and leave them more confused, and it's our job to do what we can to make things clear for people and leave them feeling answered.

There's a bit of a tricky balance to it with this stuff, being inclusive the way we want to but also working with people where they are, and I am absolutely certain we have not always managed it perfectly, on either side of that balance. We just do the best we can with that and try and stay focused on moving forward and getting better and better at it, rather than continiung to go back to old content, especially advice columns, or things that are already done.

So, when you see something like that in that kind of discussion, that's often why rather than oversight. As well, please remember our content is as much as 17 years old. So, sometimes there will be language or approaches in content we don't use now, or might make different choices with today. Given the volume of content on the site, and the fact that we don't like to erase our own history, we do not, as a practice go back and even try and edit all the content we have created most of the time.

That said, as we expressed to the same user who has his own issues with that piece back when he first started posting about it. We really prefer editorial feedback or requests about existing content be emailed, rather than posted on the boards. Thanks!)

[Keda]

I totally get that, accessibility is just as important as inclusiveness; I also had completely failed to notice that the article was from 2007 originally! Sorry about that.

[Heather]

No worries.