Virgin

[Qwerty__123]

Hi I’m looking for some advice please.

I’m really worried as I feel like my clit is abit big, when i’m aroused it gets really big and it’s causing me a lot of distress and I don’t know how to deal with it, my gynaecologist has said it’s normal and that it’s on the bigger side but she says it’s normal and completely fine. But the problem is that I’m terrified of showing my partner and losing my virginity because of how big it gets when i’m aroused. I don’t know what should happen during intercourse but I don’t think other womens clitoris get big and hard like mine does?

[Sam W]

Hi Qwerty__123,

I agree with your gynecologist that this is a normal way for a clitoris to look. I hear you saying you don't think other clitorises do the same thing, but in fact they do! The clitoris getting a little bigger and harder when aroused is normal part of the sexual response cycle.

Do you have a partner who you're planning to be sexual with? Or is your worry about their reaction based on a hypothetical partner?

[Qwerty__123]

Hi but mine gets visibly bigger when I’m aroused and hard and I’m extremely self conscious about it and hate it. Yes I have a partner

[Mo]

It really isn't strange for a clitoris to get hard and visibly larger when aroused! I'm sorry this is causing you a lot of distress, but this isn't something that's unusual, and I would certainly hope your partner wouldn't have any sort of issue with it. If they did, that would be a pretty lousy reaction on their part, honestly, and would say a lot more about them than about you.

Is there something in particular about having your clitoris get a little larger when you're aroused that feels wrong or upsetting to you?

[Qwerty__123]

Yes, I feel really conscious of how much bigger it gets as it’s very visible and the whole clitoral hood protrudes out of the majora quite a bit when I’m aroused. Also it gets quite hard like stiff and I don’t like it like I don’t think it should get hard I don’t think it’s normal?

[Sam W]

As both Mo and I mentioned, it's a really, really common part of sexual arousal to have the clitoris get noticeably larger and harder. It's just not something that's talked about as much, so a lot of people don't realize that's the case; does feel like what's going on in your situation? Or do you have another reason why you feel like your body shouldn't be having this reaction?

[Qwerty__123]

I just feel deeply embarrassed about it and I wasn’t aware that a clitoris gets bigger during arousal. But mine is naturally long like the hood is long and then it changes significantly when I’m aroused it then sticks out a lot and gets really big and engorged and hard like it’s the whole hood and I’m scared my partner will be very put off by it. I’m honestly afraid of being with him because I’m so uncomfortable with how mine changes when I’m aroused.

[Qwerty__123]

Is it normal for the whole hood to get hard and engorged when aroused?

[Sam W]

Yep, all the portions of the clitoris can become erect during sex!

You know, if we're with a partner and they react negatively to a completely normal part of our sexual response cycle, that's a sign they're not only a bad fit for us, but that they're not someone who's mature enough to be sexual with another person. Too, in the event he notices and asks about it, if he's erect you can tell him his body is doing the exact same thing, because in a lot of ways, it is (you can read more about that here: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body).