When I try to finger myself I don’t feel stimulated

[froggie.]

I’m 14 years old and I’ve been trying to masturbate recently. When I’m aroused I rub my clit and sometimes play with my boobs but it never seems to work. I can get very wet but I feel no pleasure when touching myself. I like to touch my inner thighs but even after touching myself for a few minutes I cant seem or orgasm or even feel very good. I tried to finger myself and it felt really weird. At first I couldn’t seem to get my finger inside but once I relaxed I could, after my finger was inside I felt the walls but I couldn’t find any pleasure while doing so. I could feel my finger but my insides felt almost numb. I’m also too scared to press on the walls of my vagina. How should i masturbate so it feels good? Im worried me getting hernia surgery when I was younger has something to do with it.

[Elise]

Hi there froggie. Sorry to hear that you are experiencing some frustration and anxiety about masturbation, it's an experience that a lot of people have when they are first experimenting with what brings them pleasure, so you are certainly not alone.

I can hear you saying that you're enjoying touching your inner thighs for a bit, but fingering yourself internally not so much. This is a very common experience, a lot of people with vaginas don't really find internal stimulation all that great on its own, there are far more nerve endings (areas with more of those are more sensitive to stimulation) in other areas of your genitals, like the clitoris. To learn more about this, these articles (and then those they link off to) are a great place to start, and will be helpful to your question more generally, too:

• How To Have Your First Orgasm: A Primer for Cisgender Women (the reading under point 2 in this article is all fantastic).
• With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

Also, as you'll read in these articles, a lot of feeling pleasure from any kind of sexual activity, solo or partnered, has to do with how were feeling mentally at the time. Therefore if we're feeling stressed out or sad or scared, that can inhibit feelings of pleasure. Putting pressure on yourself that you "should" or "must" find what works for you asap is therefore will only make things harder, so please treat yourself with patience and kindness. It is totally fine to take a break from trying this if it is only bringing you frustration, and focus on other things that bring you pleasure and joy for the evening, or for the next little while or longer as feels right for you.

On a related note, you mention that you feel scared to touch the walls of your vaginal canal, and fear is certainly something that is very stressful. Would you feel comfortable talking about why you are fearful of this with us here? If you're having difficulty putting words to this feeling, does anything in this article particularly resonate with you? I'm scared to touch my own vagina: why?

[froggie.]

Hello, thanks for the articles. I don’t find my own genitals gross, I think I’m just nervous to put something inside of me, that being my finger. I have put my finger inside before and felt the walls of it, but I’m not sure if I should press on it or anything. I’ve never managed to orgasm and I want to experience it. Another reason I’m scared to touch myself down there is because I’ve gotten hernia surgery before, and I'm scared that having that surgery will stop me from being able to feel pleasure down there, so I guess in a way I’m scared to face the “truth”? One thing I forgot to mention is that sometimes it’s even hard to put my finger inside of me, and that I seem to be very tight. I also think that I’m Moreno comfortable with putting something other than my finger inside of me. Will I be able to orgasm even though I’ve had surgery? And why does the inside of my vaginal canal feel like a wall covered in sponge?

[Emily N]

Hey froggie!

I think it’s totally understandable to be nervous about having anything inside your vagina, especially if you have experienced injury and surgery there in the past. But hernia surgery should not affect your ability to experience pleasure or masturbation!

You mentioned that it can be hard to put a finger inside, and that it can feel tight. This is really common if you are tense or there isn’t enough lubrication. Feeling like you are forcing your finger in can definitely cause irritation and discomfort. I agree with Elise that if something is making you anxious or just doesn’t feel right, then you don’t have any obligation to try it! Because masturbation is all about personal pleasure and comfort, explore only in ways that make you feel positive/curious/excited.

But, if you are curious about using your fingers to press on the walls of your vagina, unless it causes you pain, you are very unlikely to seriously injure yourself! A relaxed environment and lube (check out this article about lube for more info!) can work wonders! This article gives more information on the anatomy of the vaginal canal. I agree with you that the vaginal canal does feel somewhat sponge-like, in that it’s easy to press down and then it returns to its original position. According to the article, you may also be feeling your g-spot.

You mentioned you might be more comfortable using something other than your finger, too. I loveeee this article about DIY sex toys, which includes ideas like an electric toothbrush and hairbrush handles. Just make sure not to use anything sharp or that could break, and to cover the object with a condom to avoid bacteria.

[froggie.]

Thanks for the articles and information! One thing is that I don't have access to any lube or condoms; I'm too young to buy any. Is there anything else I can use as a condom? This information has helped a lot and i'll be trying again soon.

[Sofi]

There's not really an alternative that's safe enough, but you can check out your local Planned Parenthood, other sexual health clinics or even a school nurse's office. Most of them give condoms out for free, so you don't have to worry about buying them. Same thing with lube!

[Rose_confused]

Hi im 14 and when i tried fingering i didn't feel pleased and i wanted too. But i don't know what to do at this point. I tried with 2 fingers and i want to try three but im scared that it's going to hurt. Do u have any advise?

[Urna]

Hello Rose_confused,

For fingering advice, please scroll up to the first response in this thread, by Elise. If you're scared three fingers are going to hurt, try using lube. If it still hurts, take it slow, and just proceed with two fingers. The number of fingers doesn't necessarily increase the amount of pleasure!

[Lonewolf150]

When I've fingered myself in the past I never really feel stimulated, I like rubbing my clit and moving my fingers inside my vagina but when I just push in and out I don't really feel any sensation, I've never reached orgasm and I want to. Is there anything I can do to help?

[Sam W]

Hi Lonewolf150,

I would check out the advice and articles listed earlier in this thread. If those bring up further questions for you, you can make your own, new thread and we'll gladly answer them for you.