Is it too soon to ask my friend if they want to date?

[oliver-kittycat]

Hi there!! i'm Oliver, i'm new here but i had a question

So me and this friend, I'll call them S, met about a week ago - we were introduced by another friend, K. A few days after that, S and I both went to a friend group meetup at someone else's house. We watched a movie with the rest of our friends, and somehow ended up holding hands through the whole thing? I guess I kind of went to link arms with them (because i'm touch starved lmao) and they held my hand, and it was really nice. Yesterday we went to S's house to watch some more movies, and the same thing happened, and walking around town we held hands the whole time. Then we went to a social club thing for teens and we spent the whole thing just,, sitting on beanbags and holding hands. They actually rested their head on my shoulder which!! aaaaaa!!! /pos

Anyway, I kind of want to kiss them and maybe date? And I'm reasonably sure they'd like that too, from the interactions we've had so far. But I don't know if it's too soon because, as I said, we only met a week ago.
I think S is a really cool person and I'd love to get to know them better. Any advice?

Edit: I have been in a few relationships before, though none of them lasted more than a few months and all were over the internet i.e. mostly over text/video call and, tbh, all of them felt more like a close friendship, which I think was at least partly due to the lack of physical connection. I have no frame of reference for if this would be different with S, but I'm hoping it would be??

[Heather]

Hey, Oliver, welcome to the boards.

It sounds like you have something really sweet and cool going on with S so far: that's so great!

It also sounds like part of that is that you've both been initiating things the other also wanted. I'd say you want to bring that same vibe to this -- like, you honing in on your instincts to get the sense they'd probably like this stuff too -- but just start asking and communicating more explicitly, and in words. I think if the timing feels right to you, I'd trust it, I would just ask if they'd like to kiss first, before doing it. When it comes to creating a certain kind of relationship with them, and inviting them into that, are you pretty clear right now of what you're looking for, AKA, what you're inviting them to join you in?

Also: we have broad studies on length of sexual or romantic relationships and young people, and things lasting a few months as a whole run is totally average in your age group, even a bit on the long side. In that window, it's still really normal for those relationships to last a few weeks, if that. I would also say that if/as we start to pursue and be part of these kinds of relationships, there is a learning curve to figuring out what, if anything, we want to be different in them than in other kinds of relationships. It's all good. It's a lifelong process, no matter what.

[oliver-kittycat]

Thanks so much Heather!!

Yeah, I think basically what I'd want is to keep doing what we have been so far (holding hands and stuff) but also more explicitly romantic stuff, like kissing and going on dates. Probably not anything sexual yet, I don't think either of us is really ready for that, but yeah!! thanks again for replying, this is really helpful

[Heather]

Glad to help! It’s great you’re so clear on what you want.

How do you feel about talking to them about this? Can I help you with that from here?

[oliver-kittycat]

I'd feel pretty confident about talking to them about it! We've been talking over Discord recently and I'm pretty confident they're interested in me romantically (they've been sending little <3s and, I think, flirting. like they said they think my hair is handsome so??), so I do think I'll ask soon. We're meeting up again on Wednesday, so I'll either ask then or over text while I'm waiting for that.
I am kind of wondering about some logistics of dating, like I'd need my parents to take me to wherever we'd go on a date and it's kind of awkward to ask them. Do you have any advice in that regard? Because I figure I'd either have to ask my parents first "could you take me to town to go on a date with someone" or ask S first "would you like to go on a date with me, I'll need to ask my parents before we can arrange a time"?? Although I could also pretend to my parents it's just an outing as friends, but that feels a bit dishonest
If you have any advice in that area it'd be helpful!! thank you again

[Heather]

Sounds good!

Personally, I think being honest with parents is best when someone isn’t at risk of abuse. Sneaking around can always make an otherwise good thing feel or go bad, you know? Obviously, the quality of your relationship with your parents, or trust built there, is also at risk without honesty.

How is your relationship with your parents? How do you feel about talking to them about this if it does develop into something more romantic?

[oliver-kittycat]

My relationship with my parents is good!! I think they'd probably react well if I told them, honestly, it's just the fact that me and S met a week ago that makes me a little hesitant about it. But I think they'd probably be okay with it.
I think probably the best thing to do is to let S know I'd like to go on a date with them, but I'll have to ask my parents first, and see how it goes from there?

[Heather]

To progress from meeting someone to deciding you want to try dating them in a week isn’t weird or red-flaggy. I think if you just make clear to your parents this direction is something you want to pursue, rather than, you know, calling this person your forever-one-and-only, it’ll all be good.

[oliver-kittycat]

Thanks Heather!!

[oliver-kittycat]

Update: I asked S if they'd like to go on a date with me soon, and they said yes!! Which!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! /pos
I still have to ask my parents if they'll take me to wherever we end up going on a date, but I think that'll probably go well!!! so yeah!!

[oliver-kittycat]

Another update dfjgjkfhd: Parents are cool with me dating S! Thanks for your help, Heather

[Heather]

It's an avalanche of awesome! That's all fantastic!