*sighs* here again.
sooooo. it's been a year since i know this girl online. i went by he/him on the social she found me on. so she assumed i was cis and i ran with it. for over a year. even casually mentioning amab anatomy/terms and even issues. and i am a nonbinary, technically "trans boy" (but don't like that term).
and since i want to be either a singer, or artist or a comedian, but at least relatively known, my agab and deadname would be sure to surface. and do i want that? no.
but i have no choice. what if she finds out that way? i'm sure she'll feel betrayed that i didn't tell her. but i ran with it because i thought she'd see me as different if i said i am a trans guy. i don't want to explicitely come out to her too, what can i do now or in the future?
AGAB lies
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Lyle Lanley
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Mo
- previous staff/volunteer
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
- Primary language: English
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Re: AGAB lies
You know, I don't see this as a betrayal. It isn't always safe to come out to someone, especially early on in a friendship when you may not know this person well or know how they'll react. I can understand why you didn't disclose that you were trans to her.
In terms of what to do now, if you don't want to come out to her it's possible that she'd learn you're trans in the future sometime, although I think it's hard to know how likely that is. I don't think there's a way to absolutely be sure it won't happen. If you wanted to consider coming out as an option, we could certainly talk about ways to approach that conversation. One point in favor of coming out is that I think it's easier to have that conversation at a time you control, when you're prepared for it, than to very suddenly be in a position where you might have to disclose that information to someone, or discuss it being disclosed against your will, without that preparation.
In terms of what to do now, if you don't want to come out to her it's possible that she'd learn you're trans in the future sometime, although I think it's hard to know how likely that is. I don't think there's a way to absolutely be sure it won't happen. If you wanted to consider coming out as an option, we could certainly talk about ways to approach that conversation. One point in favor of coming out is that I think it's easier to have that conversation at a time you control, when you're prepared for it, than to very suddenly be in a position where you might have to disclose that information to someone, or discuss it being disclosed against your will, without that preparation.