How do I relax

[purple_triangle]

I'd like to have my boyfriend insert fingers into my vagina during sex, but every time he tries it hurts. I know I need to relax to make it easier, but I feel like I tense up automatically every time it starts. This is also an issue I've had with other orifices - I struggle a lot with covid tests because I hate sticking things up my nose, I flinch really hard when doctors look into my ears, etc. Do you have any advice on how I can relax better? I haven't really tried penetrating myself mostly because I usually don't have a lot of time when I masturbate and I want to just focus on things that I know feel good. Last time I asked about this the person who responded asked about lube, and usually when we try I'm extremely aroused and he tells me I'm really wet. Also we haven't tried to have intercourse because neither of us really wants to, if that's relevant.

Also, today I think I might have let him go a little too far and now my vagina area hurts a little, is there anything I can do to make that pain go away? It's fairly mild but it's uncomfortable.

[Sam W]

Hi purple_giraffe,

Let's start with the lube question first. Even if you're very aroused and producing a lot of vaginal lubrication, it can sometimes still be necessary to add even more lube in order for things to feel comfortable. So, if you haven't tried adding in lube, that may be the next step.

As for relaxing overall, are there things that help you feel more relaxed generally, like a massage or touches to certain parts of your body? Are the two of you being sexual in a space where you feel like you have a lot of privacy and aren't about to be interrupted?