Any tips for developing a crush on someone?

[Dennis91]

Hi! Is there any tip or recipe to develop a crush for someone more quickly, as I am very slow; I have only managed it 2 times in my life and it has taken me between 8 months and 1 year of some kind of relationship and for women who are impossible to consolidate as a couple ... I am very slow for develop this kind of stuff. I don't like the idea of pairing up with someone I have no feelings for.

By the time i think i have understood what a crush is.... but I haven't understood the path yet... maybe that's my problem. But time is running out for me, and it's kind of sad.

It was easier for me to be in love when i was at kindergarten lol.

Thank you.

[Mo]

Hi there Dennis91, and welcome to Scarleteen.

We really can't give you tips on this, sadly! Developing feelings of attraction for someone else is one of those things that people tend to do at their own pace. Some folks develop feelings very quickly and easily, and for others it takes longer.

I will say, too, that not everyone really forms "crushes," if we're talking about a crush as a strong attraction to someone you may not know all that well yet. Some people need to know another person pretty well before feelings of attraction can develop, and that may be the case for you. No matter what you call it, though, it isn't unusual if it takes you some time to develop strong romantic or sexual feelings for someone else.

Are you feeling frustrated by this slow pace? Or does it just feel like something that should be different, regardless of how you feel about it?

[Dennis91]

Hmmm... I don't feel frustrated or that something should be different but confused....

Yes, I refer to "crush" as "a deep attraction/connection" that stems from getting to know the other person. I am like an "spectator" if we can call it that, to get to know the person what they really are and how they act and relate to others; not what they think of themselves, I have always found that irrelevant in all people and let them know (if that helps). I am a person who has always liked to analyze the people around me. If I don't do this everything seems confusing to me (i can't tell for sure if they are lying to me and things like that).. My sexuality is also confusing although I like my body and my masculine attributes.

I don't feel confused if I come across this "deep attraction" it's what puts my brain and things in order, if that makes sense.

[Sam W]

Hi Dennis91,

It sounds like you know at least some of what you need to form a deep connection with someone. Are there things that you've noticed help you build that kind of connection, like certain ways of spending time with the other person or attributes of that other person?

I will say that, if you find your sexuality confusing, that could also be playing a role in whether you form deep connections with or feel intense attraction for another person. If you want to talk more about those feelings of confusion, that's certainly something we can help with.

[Dennis91]

Yeah.. i was shocked right after reading you...you're right. That last person I formed a deep attraction with never made any comments to me regarding sexuality.... I never realized it until now.

I don't know what to answer, but this time I've started to analize myself (instead of others) from within.... Since I was a kid I was never interested in sexuality in comparison to my peers, or having sex just for fun on teen ages. It always caught my attention and I found it strange that many girls were interested in that and I wasn't....

I like to be myself (I am a structured person) and not that sexuality moves me (i don't know what i'm doing).... But if I stop to think it is not only sexuality... the same applies to anything not only this, I have always found it difficult to understand the thoughts of others, but as I have already realized that it is my fault and I am the rare one (we must have some flaw, (i have to accept it)), sometimes and more if it is about something important I now stop to think for many, many minutes to see if I get to understand what they want to say.
This "stopping to understand (moment)" the other has helped me a lot because there are more people than I thought who have been supportive of me. And well, the analogy I want to make is that as sexuality is about an immediate response I can't keep up and everything is confusing.

.. But I do follow/keep track the passion of a deep/romantic connection/relationship (maybe because it is easier to follow), I feel that it moves mountains and breaks walls, it helps a lot and it seems like sincere love (in all aspects).

At some point in some conversation some sexually themed topic always comes up, and whether it's out of inexperience or what but really my brain can't keep track. That makes me nervous because I seem weird to others. To solve this issue maybe I should apply the same strategy and just be honest with myself and others and show that I don't get the point; it's better to look dumb and not weird.

One grows up with the mentality that I described and there the problems arise, because thoughts arise that one ends up believing true as a result of this.... Now I have understood that I have to accept what I am and I also have to accept the thoughts of others. Communication on both sides is the key!

[Michaela]

Hi Dennis91,

It sounds like you have done some great introspective work. I think you're on the right track with having very open communication with potential partners. It's always important, no matter the context, to make sure you are understanding what somebody is saying by asking questions and that's something that a lot of people could work on because it is not always the easiest. You mentioned some experience where you were having trouble fully understanding what was happening in the conversation or otherwise, would you want to talk it through? Or we could help you brainstorm ways to ask for clarification so that you can have some helpful phrases in your back pocket for future situations.