Urethral opening & sex?

[discoveringme]

Is it possible or normal for the urethral opening to be pulled "into" or toward the vaginal opening during sex? I have some tissue around the outside of my urethra (also not sure if this is "normal" or, like, a prolapse) and noticed that when I was using a dildo, it wasn't there and I felt some discomfort. I've always felt some discomfort around my urethra when fingering myself, because it is really close to my vaginal opening.

I also have incontinence issues and am having anxiety over whether or not having the tissue around my urethral opening is normal, and if sex is playing into my incontinence because of the above.

I'm going to see a healthcare provider at some point, but it's not for a month still, so I wanted to ask here in the meantime. I'm just feeling frustrated with my body & upset because I seem to have a lot of medical issues and my partner has almost none.

[Nicole]

Hi discoveringme,

I am really sorry that you have been experiencing this issue and I can understand why it is so frustrating. Due to the placement of the urethra being above the vaginal opening, I can see how this is possible, but you mentioned a number of other issues so I cannot confirm this entirely. I think you are taking all the right steps by planning to see a healthcare provider. I just want to let you know that everyone's body is different, so comparing your's to your partner's will cause more mental and emotional harm than good. Has your partner been understanding of your situation? I know you said that your appointment isn't for another month, so in the meantime please avoid doing anything that causes you physical harm. I know that intimacy is important for almost everyone and waiting a month for answers can be difficult. Are there other forms of intimacy that you can participate in with your partner?

Please take care!

[discoveringme]

Hi Nicole - Thank you. It's a little discouraging because I have a urologist and a gynecologist, but because they're separate, they don't talk to each other so it's really hard to figure out exactly what's going on. Thank you though, it's helpful to hear that it's possible and I'm probably not psyching myself out about it. Other than here, I don't really have an avenue that isn't "waiting a whole month to see a healthcare provider."

My partner understands - I haven't shared this most recent development with her yet, though, since it was just the other night - but it just feels discouraging and I'm both upset and feeling a lot of shame (even though I know I shouldn't) that I both have a difficult time with sex and also have a higher sex drive than her. But I think she'll understand once I find a good time to talk to her about it.

[Sam W]

Hi discoveringme,

You may have already tried this, but is it worth asking the urologist if they can connect with the gynecologist or vice versa? Even if they're separate, they should have a way to exchange information about a patient they're both seeing.

I'm glad to hear your partner is supportive! Do you feel like the potential mismatch in sex drives is also something you can talk with her about if need be?

[discoveringme]

I actually managed to find a urogynecologist who has an opening next week, so I made notes on everything I want to share with her and will be bringing all this up! I feel so relieved!
We've talked a bit about it before— she doesn't have spontaneous arousal as much as I do, which is kind of where the mismatch is. I feel like this puts a lot of the responsibility on me to initiate, so I might mention this to her and have a conversation about it!

[Sam W]

Congrats on finding urogynecologist! And yes, I think having another discussion with your partner about your different levels of desire for sex and how to navigate them is a sound call.