Masturbation

[Sienna]

Hi I am really struggling… I’m 15 and I’ve been trying to learn how to have an orgasm when masturbating I don’t know how to and what some tips I’ve read through all your articles on it and just want a guide on what are some ways I could potentially have one

[Siân]

Hi Sienna!

Welcome to the boards

So if by tips you're asking for specific masturbation techniques, then we talk about the range of different ways people masturbate right here: Going solo: the basics of masturbation. We can't get much more specific than that because, well, every body is different and you are best placed to work out what feels good for you!

What we can do is talk about the other side of learning to orgasm, which is much more about what's going on inside your head than between your legs. The first thing to know is that pressure and orgasms don't mix well - if you're really focused on trying to orgasm, it actually becomes much harder to come! The thing to do then, is to try approaching masturbation with a curious mindset and just noticing what's going on in your body.

What do you notice when you're trying masturbation? Are you finding things that feel good? Is there a point where you feel "done"?

[Sienna]

thanks so much for the response and I’m happy I’m talking to a female I feel more safe… When I masturbate I don’t feel pressure to orgasm I just have it as a goal… when I masturbate I find some things that feel alright not good I just finger my vagina and that’s it and I find it hard to orgasm… I don’t really have a point when I feel done and I feel unsatisfied but when I finger my pussy it feels good like it tingles but I don’t feel done

[Nicole]

Hi Sienna,
It is totally normal to not reach orgasm when masturbating. This is actually very common for women, so please don't worry. I think learning more about your sexual anatomy and looking into the various forms of masturbation might help you figure out what feels good. If fingering is not working out, then it might be time to look into other forms of masturbation. Also, going into masturbation with the expectation to orgasm might impact the overall experience and cause you to focus too much on orgasming rather than just pleasuring yourself in the moment, if that makes sense. I highly recommend checking out the article that Siân linked in her post. I can also recommend some articles that might help you out. Let me know if they resonate with you in any way.

• Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

• When the Big O is a No-Show

[Sienna]

Yep ok, i have had a read of those articles and I am going to have a go at another type of masturbation without the aim of having an orgasm… i am going to try to rub my clit and finger at the same time and see how it goes

[Nicole]

Definitely keep us updated and let us know if you have any further questions! While we can’t tell you exactly what to do since everyone’s body is different, it’s never too late to explore and see what feels good.

[Sienna]

Hey I gave it a go it was a bit intense and I felt like I was going to pee and I got this super intense feeling and I just kept going it built up and I had my first orgasm

[Nicole]

Hi Sienna! That's great to hear! Please let us know if you need any more assistance!

[Sienna]

Hey I have a couple more questions…
1. With fingering I can use 2 fingers and I can also use a dildo is that normal for my age?
2. I want to try anal masturbation can I orgasm from it and any advice/tips for it?

[Carly]

Hey Sienna -- yes, being able to use a dildo or two fingers while masturbating is normal. Do you have a specific concern about it? If there's a reason why you're thinking it could not be normal, let us know and we can address that specifically.

As for anal masturbation, yes, it's possible to experience an orgasm from anal masturbation or sex. If you're interested in anal play, something very important to remember is that you should never put something that was in your anus back into your vagina without cleaning thoroughly or changing the condom you may have on it. This includes fingers. Getting bacteria from your anus in your vagina often causes infections. It's also important to remember that your anus and your vagina function differently. Anuses, for example, do not self-lubricate the way a vagina does and because of this anal play requires lubricant. Without lubricant on whatever you're inserting, you can risk developing small abrasions and fissures. If you are inserting something other than your fingers, it's important to use something with a flared base. This prevents you from being able to insert something far up enough that you would be unable to get it out yourself. Considering all of this, I recommend setting some time aside to specifically try anal play for the first time, rather than going for it while you are already masturbating. Do you have any more questions?

[Sienna]

Hey thanks for the reply…
1. I was concerned if what I was doing was normal as from what I hear from others most girls my age can only fit 1 finger inside there vagina and there vaginas are generally tighter from what I hear from friends.
2. I tried anal masturbation I used a condom on the dildo and I rode it, it felt nice but when I do it I moan is that normal I haven’t had an anal orgasm yet.
3. If I have an anal orgasm does the cum come out of the anus?

[Elise]

Hi there Sienna,

To answer your questions:

1. Vaginal "tightness" is one of the bigger myths out there at the moment. Really that sensation is about how relaxed or aroused someone is, which can also vary from person to person. So the fact that you can fit what you want to use for masturbation in your vagina without pain or discomfort is an indication that you are relaxed, mentally comfortable and aroused when you're trying to do that. This article breaks this down more and you might find them really useful:
2. Yes, moaning from sexual pleasure, not only orgasm, is a response that many people have.
3. No, this is not something that happens. The anus doesn't produce any kind of ejaculate. You may find this article that talks about ejaculation that some women and people with vulvas do experience as it clarifies some more general things to know: Squirt: On Ejaculation

[Sienna]

Ok thanks heaps for you’re help you have been amazing!
I was also wondering if it’s ok when masturbating to do anal and vaginal at the same time but not with the same object?

[Sam W]

Yes, it's okay to do multiple kinds of masturbation at the same time as long as you're not using the same toy to switch back and forth.

[Sienna]

Ok thanks so much for the help I feel comfortable with masturbation now

[Nicole]

Hi Sienna, no problem! Please let us know if you have any further questions.