Making friends in college

[Eveningprimrose]

I started my freshman year of college two months ago and so far I've not made any friends. I spend most of my free time alone which makes me sad. I eat all my meals alone, go downtown alone, spend most evenings alone studying or reading. Basically everything. I'm an introvert and I've always liked solitude, but not this much. I've gone to all sorts of clubs and social events, but to no avail. Some people I meet aren't very nice or don't share my values (like basic politeness). I also tend to have obscure interests which doesn't help. I'm just not good at connecting with people, I guess. In my anthropology classes we've learned about how humans (and other primates) are social creatures and depend on sociality to survive. I've started to feel somewhat depressed and like there's something wrong with me. If I didn't write letters to my two friends from high school, call my family everyday, and go home every weekend it would be a lot worse.
Anyways, whatever advice or words of wisdom you all have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Sam W]

Hi Eveningprimrose,

I was in a very similar situation when I first started college; it definitely took me a few months before I started making friends. You're already doing some of what I would recommend, like checking out clubs that interest you and going to different events. Something that worked well for me was to pay attention in my classes to who was making points I agreed with or thought were interesting and then make a point to sit next to them. It wasn't a perfect system but it was how I met my first roommate.

Another tip I have is to look into volunteering for causes or organizations you care about. That can bring you into contact with people with similar interests, but it can also help you feel like a part of the community more generally. In my experience, that goes a long way towards lessening feelings of isolation. Does that sound like an option you could explore?

[Eveningprimrose]

Thanks so much for the advice! I'll try not to be so hard on myself. My school has a volunteer organization, so I'll definitely look into it.

[Mo]

I hope that's helpful!! I do want to say, too, that because of how weird and isolating the pandemic has made the last few years, I think connecting with other people is more difficult now for a lot of people than it maybe would have been recently! I know a lot of folks struggling with this now when they haven't (or at least haven't to the same degree) in the past.