Masturbation Questions

[Jo809]

From time to time, I have a sort of session where I masturbate. My main concern is that sometimes I feel like I ejaculate too quickly whether that be because of anticipation or something else. I think the shortest time might be five minutes or maybe a shorter time than that. Is it normal to ejaculate that fast? Then the other concern, which is my biggest concern, is when I take forever to ejaculate. The longest time I masturbated was for about an hour and a half with no breaks. It just takes too long. The worst is when I take breaks and resume again so it turns more into an off and on session over the course of three hours. My penis actually gets really rough and kind of sore after going for that long. Even the pre-ejaculate is completely dried by that time. The veins start to hurt, and one time My whole penis started hurting and I rushed to ejaculate thinking it would help the pain, but it didn't right away. Eventually, the pain stopped, and I hope that I will never experience that again. Is prolonging ejaculation while aroused not good for the body? Did I take too long? If I ever do a long session again, how could I stop this from happening? Is this a normal reaction from the body?

[Siân]

Hi Jo809,

So early ejaculation is counted as anything less than 1 minute, so 5 minutes is totally normal! And your longer sessions too are not especially out there. It does sound though like you're ending up sore and frustrated when you spend longer on masturbation - we can troubleshoot that some if you like?

The first thing I would suggest is lube, and lots of it. If you were rubbing any part of your body for that long, you wouldn't be surprised if the skin got sore, and your penis is no different! Lube 101: A Slick Little primer

Also, when you're masturbating for a long time, do you feel like you're turned on and enjoying yourself? If so, great! There's nothing bad for the body about being turned on for a long time. If it's not feeling great, you can always stop. You don't have to orgasm every time you masturbate. What do you think?

[Jo809]

Hello,

I read over the lube article and thanks for sending it. I think I'm too nervous to get lube from anywhere and I would feel really embarrassed if anyone would find it. I will keep it in mind for future reference, especially if my penis drying out becomes a problem.

Normally when I masturbate for a long time I get turned on, but that's not always the case. If I go without any breaks, I'm turned on for the whole time. If I take breaks and resume later, then my heartbeat, for the majority of the time, stays elevated for that whole break and for a short duration, my body feels like it's burning (due to excitation is my guess). Even if I don't stay turned on during my breaks, I still feel like my heart is beating out of my chest. Which does present a bit of a problem as I start to think about resuming my session so I can reach orgasm. The break could be anywhere from 10-30 minutes. There was one time where I was masturbating off and on for two days I believe. Of course, I did sleep. That was the time my genitals were hurting as if it was punched, and the pain lasted for about 30 minutes in total. I did reach orgasm to see if that relieved the pain. To my surprise, it didn't right away.

I orgasm almost every time I masturbate unless I'm too tired. There are a few times I don't reach orgasm but most of the time I do that, my heartbeat, like I mentioned in the previous statement, tends to be elevated for a long time. To explain the situation a little further is that the stimulation applied to my penis is never anything overly exciting most of the time. That's not to say that it never feels good. Whenever I'm anxious or nervous, I tend to use masturbation as a way to help relieve stress or tension. I'm not sure if that is unhealthy or not, but it helps most of the time. The result is my heartbeat slowing down after orgasm and I start to cool down. The thing that can happen is when I masturbate for a long time, it prolongs my heartbeat being elevated which I'm trying to lower. If I decide to take a break, then my heartbeat remains elevated for the most part and I want to finish and reach orgasm quickly. This can cause even more stress because I want to finish quickly. Therefore, I begin to get frustrated by the time it takes to reach orgasm. Then I decide to take another break because I feel like I'm wasting time and then the cycle repeats until I reach orgasm. I do understand your point on not having to orgasm every time during masturbation. I can try to do that, but I may decide to orgasm even if it does not necessarily feel good. Also, I am now curious, if you don't orgasm during masturbation, what is the purpose of it? I may have the misconception that the orgasm is the thing that makes a person feel good.

[Carly]

Hi Jo809 -- up top I wanted to suggest, if buying and keeping lube is something you're nervous about, you may want to try coconut oil. While I do prefer to advise the use of lubricants at that are made for sex and masturbation specifically, this alternative is safe for use and very unassuming when someone finds it, not to mention easy to find these days at the store.

Many people do use masturbation as a way to help relieve stress or tension, that's a pretty common occurrence. However, it's also important to have other ways to cope too. I think that it's possible to begin associating masturbation with stress if it's an over-used coping mechanism, especially if it occasionally results in you being unable to reach orgasm. Not being able to get that relief can result in more stress or frustration. It sounds like you're already thinking about not focusing on the end result of orgasm while masturbating, which is helpful. The purpose of masturbating without the end goal being an orgasm can help you relax a little bit, you may even find that you discover new sensations or things you like. Often people do find the sensations of masturbation pleasurable as well - would you say this is not the case for you?

[Jo809]

Hello,

First off, thanks for recommending an alternative lubricant. Now I just want to make sure I understand, correctly. So, you mean that using masturbation as a way to help with stress or tension is fine, but the way I use it as the main way of relieving stress/tension is bad? If so, I will have to find a solution to this problem quickly. I don't masturbate exclusively to relieve stress, but most of the time I do tend to relieve stress by masturbating.

On the subject of the purpose of masturbating without the end goal of orgasm, most of the time, I feel that stimulating my penis without reaching orgasm does the opposite effect of relieving stress. Of course, that is not always the case, but occasionally, it may cause me more stress. It depends if my mindset is to reach orgasm to relieve stress or to find something that feels good. Which it tends to be the former rather than the latter. This is probably a wrong way to feel about masturbation, but most of the time I don't pay too much attention to what feels good as long as orgasm or a specific endpoint is reached. This could be why I am not really bothered too much if my penis gets sore, the veins hurt, or if it gets dried out. The thing that causes the most stress and frustration is if it takes too long to reach orgasm. I always associate masturbation as being "successful" if orgasm is achieved or if the person finds a good stopping point. I guess I never learned otherwise. For the most part, I would say the sensations are pleasurable if I am fully concentrating on the act while at other times it seems like my penis is completely disconnected from my body until orgasm is reached.

[Sam W]

Hi Jo809,

I think Carly was more getting at the idea that if masturbation is the ONLY way you manage or relieve stress, that could be an issue. But if I'm hearing you right, it sounds like you do have other ways of managing stress, correct?

I'll add that if you're masturbating to a point where it is sometimes painful or uncomfortable, that could also cause a little stress because your body is telling you something hurts and you aren't stopping. So, in the future it might be better to stop or take a break when you start noticing that soreness or pain.

[Jo809]

Hello,

I probably wasn't clear with how I stated it in my message. I tend to use masturbation as my main/only way of relieving stress, and also for relieving tension caused by a specific emotion. As you added, I did believe Carly mentioned that it was an issue to use masturbation in this way. So, knowing that I use masturbation as my main/only source of relieving stress, am I wrong for doing so? I will add that I use masturbation for pleasure sometimes, but if I was not stressed often then I wouldn't masturbate as much.

I did state in previous messages that I tend to get sore, and the veins start to hurt when I masturbate for a long time. Then I do tend to take breaks or stop for a bit. For whatever reason it is, my stress is sometimes still there during breaks and feels almost heightened. In a previous message I stated that it might be due to my elevated heartbeat caused by masturbation and that elevated heartbeat sometimes doesn't stop during breaks.

Sorry for not explaining clearly.

[Sam W]

Hi Jo809,

No worries, I also misunderstood so thank you for clarifying. I wouldn't say that you're "wrong" for using masturbation as your main/only form of stress relief or addressing the tension from certain emotions, but I would take it as an indicator that it's time time to branch out and look for other ways of doing that. Can you give me a sense of what other things you've tried when it comes to managing stress? What worked, or didn't work, about those things?

[Jo809]

Hello again,

I really have only tried maybe two other things to relieve stress or tension. I wouldn't exactly call it meditation, but I used to try to calm my stress by taking time and closing my eyes and clearing my mind from any thoughts. This worked with relieving my stress or tension, but it only relieved it while doing these actions. Meaning the stress would come back after this "meditation" stopped. So, it worked, but only for a short duration. Sleeping helps completely clear my mind, but that is not really an option for me because it might just cause me more stress due to me stressing about losing time in a day. Listening to music also can help, but it also is mostly a temporary solution. To be completely honest and as much as I hate to admit it, the only thing that relieves my stress and/or tension for a long period of time or permanently is masturbation.

[Sam W]

Hi Jo809,

In that case, it might be time to experiment with some new ways of addressing stress. One possible starting place would be to check out this article and pick a handful of things to try the next time you're feeling stressed: Self-Care a La Carte

[Jo809]

Thanks for everyone's help and suggestions.

[Siân]

No problem - we're here if you have more questions!

I wanted to add that moving your body is a great way to relieve stress - you get a rush of endorphins and feel-good chemicals when you get your heartrate up that way, just like you do from masturbation. That might be going for a run or a bike ride or something, but a one-song dance party in your room is pretty much the same thing!

[Lylecouse]

Hi! I would like to ask, when you start ejaculate even you did not even reach to the point where you are going to come.

Heres my question, when we get arrousal, and when you start ejaculate, there is this fluid coming out to the penis, does it contains sperm? Can that get a girl pregnant? I mean for that is when you start from a few minutes or stroke of ejaculating there is this transparent fluid that comes out, can a girl be pregnant with that? Thanks

[Jacob]

Hey Lyle, just so you know, I've answered this question in your other thread.