Tips for Sexual Impulse Control? (M 15)

[Fraggl9204]

Hello!

In my last post almost a year ago I opened up about some issues I was having navigating my fat fetish as a 14-and-soon-to-be-15-year old on the internet (funnily enough, this time around I'm 15-going-on-16!). But before I get to my question, I need to do some explaining and updating. Throughout the past year, I've experimented with creating art, masturbating, and writing as a way of navigating my fetish in a safe and self-contained manner - though, I've since stopped with using art and writing to explore it for now as a result of anxiety surrounding whether my creation of fetish art would get me in trouble with federal law and my Internet Service Provider. Masturbation has helped a great deal, but I still sometimes struggle with the desire to view art and fantasies that weren't made by me.
I have read elsewhere on Scarleteen that engaging healthily with sexual desire is analogous to eating when you're hungry. Similarly, the talk of food tasting better when you don't have to make it yourself directly applies to my situation - sometimes erotica is just better when it's made by someone else. The issue is, as a minor online I walk a wide line around fetish art and really anything suggestive for fear of causing legal trouble for both myself and the artist and also because I still experience the irrational "But what would they think?" anxiety I explained in my last post. But I'll be turning 16 in just a couple months and should be able to be slightly more free on the internet since - as far as I know - federal law eases up on the age restrictions a bit at that point; but until then I've pretty much been practicing abstinence when it comes to interacting with suggestive/fetish content of any sort online (and of course anything more sexually charged than that) and have been doing so for about half a year or more. But I feel like my impulse control has been slipping as of late; I have a Pinterest account that I use for finding art and inspiration, but lately I've been less careful with my Pinterest feed as of late to let a bit of fat fetish art slip in and I accessed some slightly suggestive vore art that appeared in my feed as well. As I said earlier, the reason I avoid this art in the first place is because of anxiety and confusion around federal law, I do this even if the art would otherwise be PG had it not been posted as fetish art.

And this brings me to my question and the thing I'm seeking advice for - how can I gain better control of my impulses to view fetish art? I'm worried that it will only get harder and harder to control my impulses to view this art. And I know that sexual feeling in teens tends to spike at first then level out, but I'm concerned that despite this it will consistently be difficult on some level to manage my impulses for the next 2 years or so and that my self control will be depleted some time before then.

I also want to be very clear that I'm not here to ask for advice on interpreting federal law, I know the boards here have a strong rule against seeking legal advice. I brought it up solely for the purpose of sharing part of my dilemma and anxiety online.

[Siân]

Hi!

So I think there are two things going on here - the anxiety (and maybe shame?) you're feeling about accessing or wanting to access this content, and the feeling of impulsiveness around it. I think we could talk about that anxiety and shame if you like, but you've asked about managing impulsive feelings so let's start there.

The short answer is that impulse control is just another kind of emotional regulation, and so anything you might do to cope with or regulate your feelings works here. Of course, emotional regulation is a hard skill, and takes some practice! Go easy on yourself. Elements of grounding, mindfulness and self-compassion are all good here. What do I mean? Things like:

- Notice the urge, give it a name, try to accept it without having to act on it and generally slow down and breathe. "Oh look, I'm horny and want to look at fat fetish art, that's okay but I'm not going to do it right now".
- Enjoy the wanting whilst staying in the present moment "oh look, I'm feeling desire right now, I'm going to sit here in this room and enjoy that feeling"
- Bring yourself out of the impulse by focusing on where you are. "I'm sat in my chair in my room, I can feel it pressing against my back and the floor under my feet. I can see my bed and my bookshelves..."

You can also try distractions, like connecting with a friend, exercise, or engaging in other things you find meaningful.

I do want to say that these are techniques that can help you when you're having unhelpful impulses - but the desires you have are not bad. It's okay to want what you want, to indulge in fantasy etc. as long as you're not harming anyone and staying within the law.

How does that sound?