Fetish/kink

[Mop]

Is there any possible way to get rid of a fetish?

[Carly]

Hi Mop -- welcome to the boards! I know this conversation started on our text service. As we said there, what we know actively trying to suppress or remove sexual interest in a particular thing isn't particularly effective. Would you feel comfortable explaining more about why having the fetish is distressing you?

[Mop]

Yes, to me it’s so disgusting and repulsive that I could be sexually interested in this, it makes me upset, sometimes leading to breakdowns where I hate myself because I feel like it’s so inhumanly repulsive and weird and just all around wrong to like it

[Heather]

So, here's the thing: a fetish is actually something, generally an object, that is required for someone to experience sexual arousal. I don't know if what you are talking about falls under that rubric. From the looks of your profile, it sounds like it might not, or even if it does, there might be a bigger issue here that's more manageable than trying to change a fetish.

There are things that can be done to help people who are having thoughts or feelings -- be they sexual or not -- that make them feel the way you are describing. The place to start with that would be by shopping for a therapist who works in helping people with unwanted thoughts. Often, that will be a care provider who specializes in OCD and other anxiety disorders. Do you have access to mental healthcare?

[Mop]

I do, yes. But my therapist hasn’t been super helpful in this, I’ve mentioned this but it hasn’t gone anywhere conversation-wise

[Sam W]

Hi Mop,

I'm sorry to hear that your therapist hasn't been super helpful around this. Can you say a little more about why you feel like those conversations haven't gone anywhere? Too, have you and your therapist ever worked on approaches or tools for addressing non-sexual thoughts or feelings that leave you feeling bad or disgusted with yourself?

[Mop]

I don’t think she fully knows what she’s doing, and it’s been like that with every therapist I’ve had. Even the one I’m switching to specifically said she doesn’t specialize in sexuality, and I’ve been given nothing other than to “explore my body” so I feel lost and stuck

[Heather]

If you want to talk more about what you're looking for from therapists around this (which will probably need to involve sharing some more information about it -- it's really hard to dig too deep with something so vague, I'm afraid) I am glad to do that with you.

If you would prefer to do it with a therapist, it sounds like a sex therapist is more of who you need. I recognize that is not often an accessible kind of healthcare for young people, though.

[Mop]

Forgive me for not knowing, but what kind of information do you need?

[Carly]

Hey Mop -- I think Heather is asking for some additional information about the fetish/kink that is distressing you; what it is, for example. We've been able to move along in the thread speaking vaguely about it but for more specific or specialized help we would need to know more from you.

[Mop]

It’s uh..sneezing

[Sam W]

Hi Mop,

That's helpful information, thank you!

One thing to consider is that it's very unlikely that a therapist, including a sex therapist, is going to approach this issue through the lens of "ridding" you of that particular sexual interest. However, from what you said up-thread, it may be more effective to focus on finding someone who has a lot of experience helping people manage things like OCD. Is that something the therapist you'll be seeing has?

Too, when thinking about having sexual thoughts/feelings related to sneezing, do those relate to when you sneeze, someone else sneezes, or both?

[Mop]

It’s usually just when I look at like pictures online

[Nicole]

Hi Mop,

I want to raise Sam's question again regarding finding a therapist who has experience managing OCD or similar symptoms. Does your current therapist work in those areas? I think it would help put your mind at ease. This may not directly tie into sexuality, but it may assist in overcoming the fixation of trying to get rid of a fetish. Also, I always tell people that if their fetish/kink does not directly impact or harm other people (unless done consensually of course), then they should try accepting it, as it is difficult to get rid of. Please let us know what we can do further to help you out, take care!

[Mop]

My current therapist does work with ocd, but specifically said she doesn’t specialize in sexuality. If you guys had any acceptance tips, that would be great

[Carly]

Hey Mop -- I just wanted to take a second to acknowledge the bravery of sharing this information with us, especially because it's been making you feel distressed. As far as acceptance goes, I think the first thing to maybe start with is thinking about why it makes you feel so bad. When you first talked about this with us, you said that you felt that it was "so inhumanly repulsive and weird and just all around wrong to like it." What about sneezing specifically makes you feel that way? Is there something about sneezing itself that feels "gross", or does it feel wrong because it's not "normal"? For what it's worth, there isn't really a particular act or practice that determines what's "normal."

[Mop]

It’s just the idea of it being such an “out there” sexual interest, not like feet or genitalia. And there’s just something about it that puts me into such a deep well of shame too, like it’s such a normal everyday thing and I shouldn’t be turned on by it

[Elise]

Hi Mop, I'm sorry to hear that this experience causing you strong feelings of shame at the moment. As the other volunteers and staff were mentioning, it could be good to look at this not from a sexuality perspective, but through an OCD perspective, looking at why you're having intrusive thoughts about disgust and shame - is that something you have looked at with your/a therapist before?

[Mop]

I have not

[Sam W]

Hi Mop,

In that case, I would raise that topic the next time you speak with them. If you're not sure how to do that or how to approach the topic with them, that's certainly something we can help you brainstorm.

Too, with those feelings of shame or that this is somehow too "out there" as a sexual interest, I think doing what you can to reframe sex as a space where being "normal" isn't all that important or even realistic could be helpful. I really, really like this article as a tool for doing that: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _who_cares

[Mop]

Okay, thank you

[Nicole]

Hi Mop, glad we could help! Please let us know if you need any further assistance or want to let us know about how your therapy works out--only if you feel comfortable! No pressure. We're here for you!