Body Image(??)

[awhiskandalamp]

I have wanted to be "fatter" for quite some time now. I am a very healthy person(physically not mentally lol), with a balanced diet and exercise. I am a transmasculine person, but also very feminine. I am comfortable in my genitalia, although I think I would be a very much vibe to have a huge pp and big tittie at the same time(mainly to fuck with transphobes). Buttttt that's off-topic.

I have a very high metabolism and have trouble eating more than I already do. I'm okay with my body as-is but I've always found chubby people really pretty and wanted to look like them. Non-sexually, ofc. I am perfectly in the weight range of any other 13 y/o, but I don't want to be. I just want to be my version of what I wanna look like. Idk what to do.

[Sam W]

Hi awhiskandalamp,

So, there are two smaller things I want to address before we get to the heart of this question. The first is that, given your age, it's important to remember that you're still on the early end of puberty, which is in and of itself going to cause some changes to your body shape and size.

The second thing is: are there specific things that appeal to you about gaining weight or looking/being fatter?

As for the main part of your question, I'm actually going to quote something Heather wrote to a user with a similar question to yours.

"Ultimately, the best way to live as healthfully as we can with our bodies is for us to not try and make them ANY size at all, but for us to try and let them be the size THEY want to be, just by living in them and taking care of them as best we can: feeding them, moving them, watering them, resting and relaxing them. And we need to do all of those things for them, not just some. Skipping all movement or doing too much movement, or eating too little or too much to try and *make* a body be a given size just isn't a healthy thing to do to ourselves physically or psychologically no matter WHAT size that size is."

Does that make sense?

[awhiskandalamp]

Hey Sam,

I don't know. I guess the built-in stress ball has been appealing to my anxiety, but other than that theyre just really pretty. and yeah that makes sense. im just #struggling

[Elise]

Hi there awhiskandalamp, sorry to hear that you're struggling with things at the moment. I'm hoping that there will some things we explore together in the context of this post which might be able to help you a bit.

The first thing I'd like to raise is the concept that you can appreciate how people look without needing also to think that you need to look like that to be 'attractive' yourself. The idea that there is a 'best' version of everything, and we must aspire to be whatever we find attractive to be that ourselves is an idea that we can often fall into as it is pervasive in many cultural narratives, however this is not the case. It can take time to become comfortable with the idea, but a simple way to start looking at it is that you can say, appreciate people who are artists, people who are doctors, people who are teachers, but no one would say you have to be an artist/doctor/teacher all at once, or any of those things, to be admired or worthy. Does that make sense?

Another thing to consider is the idea of 'body neutrality', which is essentially to consider not to frame your body as an aesthetic object first, but instead as through the lens that you have a human body that lets you be you, and thinking about how it enables you to do things you like. This will vary from person to person, but can include movement that brings you joy, how you can think, or maybe draw? It is also something that can give you clues to how you're feeling, if you listen to it. Body neutrality also accepts that sometimes our bodies can do things we don't like (like be in pain, or don't do what we want), and that is part of being human. A way to engage with this concept is to think of the things you like doing (movement wise, creativity etc.) and try and do a bit of that/those things each day, and connect to your body for a moment in that, and acknowledge what it does to help you with that thing. Does that sound like something you could try? What are some things you like to do with your body?

Lastly, for this post, you mention the idea of self expression, wanting to express yourself through how you look. This is completely valid and important, and there are lots of ways to do that that are separate to changing the shape of your body, being creative, using clothing, makeup, jewellery etc. are ways that you can express and be creative with your presentation, including mixing and playing with concepts of gender expression. Is there something you'd like to explore in this space/get creative with? You don't need to have it all "figured out" either, personal style is something you can experiment and be playful with and can evolve with you and you can change up when you want. Does this sound like something that could be interesting and possible for you? It's something you can start small with too and still get satisfaction from. We'd be happy to chat and explore this with you, if you'd like