Am I really ace?

[Dndiscool]

This is something rather recently that came up, no idea whether this is a real concern I have but my anxiety-riddled brain had brought it up rather suddenly. Maybe it was always an issue... I don't know. It's why I came on here to get advice from a bunch of strangers who might have clue on what I'm asking for, who don't know who I am to get some opinions that google can't answer no matter how many times I word it.

I have my vagina, I don't care for how it looks but I don't like the whole reproductive part I guess. I don't like the thought of being pregnant at all either. (Very possible that it's because I'm a young adult and according to science the brain hasn't fully developed as of yet.) I don't like the idea of anything penetrating that part of me either. I have identified myself as an asexual probably because of this reason. I know that sexuality is very complicated. I like being a girl, can't really see myself as a boy rather not be a boy actually.

I see the value of intercourse for a reproductive purpose and the long gevity of our race, not so much for pleasure, I know the science of why it's healthy to have sex but I never really desired to have it. And I really do hate the thought of being pregnant. Most people I talk to about identifying as ace says you got to try it once, or maybe your thyroid is low because not desiring isn't normal.

[Sam W]

Hi Dndiscool,

So, let's tackle that comment about needing to try sex at least once first; people who say that are wrong. After all, we can know things aren't for us without ever needing to try them, and people who are allosexual don't generally figure that out prior to ever being sexually active.

As for your own worries about your identity, do they feel like they just sprung up randomly as an anxious thought? Or did it seem like there was something--a conversation, a piece of media, and so on--that brought those worries to mind? Too, do you have zero interest in any kind of sex, or is it more that you hate the idea of vaginal intercourse but like/are open to other kinds of sexual interactions?

[Dndiscool]

I think it was just a random anxious thought I think it was some kind of media but I cont remember what. and I don't know I haven't been in a serious relationship to even consider anything of a sexual nature. I'm a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to anything more than a relationship. so I don't really know

[Heather]

You know, I personally tend to put a lot of stock in people's sense of themselves and how they feel intuitively drawn to identify. The mere fact that you chose to ID as ace says to me that that's probbably because it's what feels like the best fit for you right now.

Remember: no identity, sexual or otherwise, is something we have to try and pick as a forever-identity. People, bodies and our lives are literally changing all the time, so even the idea we ever really could pick something we are sure will stick forever is just not realistic. Whatever our age or life experiences, all any of us can ever do is identify ourselves and who we feel like we are based on our past and current lives and experiences.

I hear you saying you feel like some more living or experience might have you identifying differently, and that you wonder if you are identifying this way because you lack certain experience. So, you'll get to find that out over time. Maybe you will find out by having those experiences, maybe you will find out by just letting time pass and spending more of it getting to know yourself without those experiences, maybe it'll be both. But if anything changes what identity feels right for you, then you'll get to adjust or change how you identify if you want, you know?