I don't feel sexual pleasure.

[Mantis]

I'm a bit past seventeen now, and I am concerned about my lack of sexual pleasure. I have tried masturbating a few times, but quickly gave up after realizing I felt absolutely nothing. It's extremely frustrating. I don't think I'm asexual, or at least, I really don't want to be. I want to be in sexual relationships and have sex when I'm ready (I'm not in any current relationships but I want to be in a monogamous intimate relationship). I've never had an orgasm, or felt any sexual pleasure by touching myself, but I do feel horny. It makes me very anxious and sad. I have been on seroquel/quetiapine and zoloft/sertraline since I was fourteen, but I have majorly reduced my dosage of zoloft/sertraline. This has not fixed the problem at all, and I don't feel any differently. What if when I'm 100% free of any medication I still don't feel any differently as I do now? I felt like I should've felt something by now. I'm extremely worried I may have a permanent sex disorder, and this makes me so frustrated and miserable I feel like crying. I'm so scared of that.

[Carly]

Hey Mantis -- welcome to the boards! What you're describing is one of the most common things users write in to us to talk about on the boards. Our bodies are all so different, so sometimes it can be hard to tell someone exactly what will help in cases like this. One trend I do notice though is that it's very uncommon that there's actually something physically wrong or a disorder of any kind.

The first thing I want to suggest is perhaps the way you're masturbating isn't working for your body and it's time to explore more options. I think Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation will be very helpful because it give some tips on figuring out what feels right for you.

You're right, being on medications like that can make things difficult. I feel comfortable sharing with you that I'm also on zoloft/sertraline and experience something similar from time to time. Our brains are our biggest sexual organ, and this can lead to some difficulty when one experiences anxiety and/or depression. And sometimes the ongoing frustration of not feeling sexual pleasure can be the source of continued difficulties. When you're masturbating, do you find yourself thinking about how this has been hard and you're scared something is wrong?

[Mantis]

'What you're describing is one of the most common things users write in to us to talk about on the boards.'

So sorry about that! I have looked through other similar problems on the boards and I have been lurking on this website for awhile but none of them really matched mine. I can get that these asks can be tiring, sorry.

'And sometimes the ongoing frustration of not feeling sexual pleasure can be the source of continued difficulties. When you're masturbating, do you find yourself thinking about how this has been hard and you're scared something is wrong?'

It doesn't start off like that no, but after a few minutes or so I get frustrated and scared. Which makes me immediately stop because its overwhelming.

[Nicole]

Hi Mantis,

Speaking from my own experience while being on Zoloft, I did experience a major decrease in my sex drive. This became especially prevalent when I was on the drug for 3 years, which is the same length of time as you, correct? If this continues to really stress you out, I would recommend speaking to your physician or psychiatrist and possibly even switching to a different medication that won’t impact your sex drive. In my case, I switched to Wellbutrin, but please discuss all options with your provider. Switching my medication really helped, but it might not be the same for everyone.

Before you move forward with this, I want to recommend that it might help to not go into masturbation with the expectation of having an orgasm, but rather exploring what feels good and going with the flow. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s worth a try! Does that make sense?

[Mantis]

Sorry for my late reply, I haven't had access to my computer. I have tried exploring that a few times before but it always stresses me out. I am going off my zoloft, and I'll be going down to 75mg soon. This is a massive leap from the 200mg I was at. So yes, I'm already going off my meds, but I haven't noticed any difference and it's worrying me that I have PSSD or something.

[Sam W]

Hi Mantis,

It's alright, we always figure users are responding at whatever pace works for them, personally or logistically!

Depending on how recently you switched your dosage, it may take some time to notice any effects that come with that. When you've tried just focusing on exploring pleasure during masturbation, are there particular things about it, or things that happen, that lead to you feeling stressed out?

[Mantis]

My dosage has been going down 25mg every few weeks, so I think I started reducing the dosage around October? I've felt barely any difference. During masturbation it's just.. I'm not sure really. It feels awkward somehow, and sometimes unpleasant, like it's not really me. It all just feels numb, especially my clit. Once I tried inserting something to see if it would feel any better, and it just hurt and felt extremely uncomfortable. Even talking about it makes me feel stressed. I feels awful, like there's something wrong with me.

[Heather]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Mantis. (And fellow Zoloft user here, if it helps to know that.)

Can I ask how you feel when you start masturbating? What's the thing that sparks you to do it in the first place? Are you feeling a lot of desire when you do, or is it more like something you do out of habit or out of a want to have it "work" again, or feel like it used to?