How to keep a good relationship with 2 partners?

[gizmoX]

It's been a while since I have been on here. I listened to everybody on here and slowed down. My partner was only a good friend, sex was great but the worry of being caught was scary. My partner brings in a new partner and I felt like I had to do more, that also worried me. I wasn't sure what I wanted. We talked about boundaries and talked about how I fit in all of this, and what I did was stop for a while and remained good friends.

Last Saturday the three of us were together, it was the first time we fooled around, I went a little to third base and I stopped, I wanted to talk about what we wanted to do and set boundaries. We for the first time talked about polyamory and I sent them the link to "a first polyamory guide" that you have on here.

Monday was when we went to partner no. 2's house and I had sex with both of them. I wouldn't call it a 3-way. I was comfortable and we had fun. Communication helped! Only big drawback is that it was so fast, maybe 25 minutes as we had to get back to school.

Something I told them while we were going back to school was "don't tell anybody about this." I started to worry. What if they tell one of their friends? I enjoyed our time together, but now I am back to being worried and wanting to slow down. The first time we got bed together shouldn't have involved sex, I should have thought of that.

What do I do now? I am no longer thinking about sex, I am thinking about keeping good friendships and slowing down and making sure that this all remains a secret. I would like to have sex with them again but it will be a while.

[Michaela]

Hi gizmoX,

Sounds like you listened to yourself about wanting to slow down and I'm glad to hear that you found that guide about polyamory useful and were able to pass it along to your partners. How did that conversation with them about polyamory go? We you three able to decide how you all would like your relationship to look like? But… maybe even before that, you mentioned feeling like you need to keep this whole relationship a secret which can sometimes be a flag that something is not feeling right for you. Do you think you can identify what about this relationship you are not comfortable with other people knowing about and why? It might also be good to think about what your relationships might look like if they were ones with people who you felt totally comfortable with and comfortable with other people knowing about, could you see this relationship getting to that point?