Accepting my sexuality

[Nicole]

Hi! I can certainly answer your question but I reached out to Heather to see if they wanted to share their input. I know they are very knowledgeable about this topic.

From what I know, the change in estrogen and progesterone levels during the menstrual cycle can lead to changes in serotonin levels, which can alter your mood. I'm sure you know this but serotonin is a chemical in the brain that's responsible for mood. I know this also occurs during menopause since there is a change in estrogen levels as well.

Again, I reached out to Heather for more input. I'm sure they will provide many useful resources. For now, I can share some articles here at Scarleteen that might help expand my answer. Here they are:

• Quickies: Periods and the Menstrual Cycle

• On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation

• So You Want to Know About Menopause

[Heather]

Isn't it fascinating? I love digging into this stuff.

Nicole talked about the changes in mood when it comes to serotonin. Too, our whole bodies have estrogen receptors. Like, they are EVERYWHERE, very much including in all of our brains. (There are also many progesterone receptors, but nowhere near as many.) When those levels fluctuate or shift, we feel it, including emotionally. There are also some specific mood things each of those are tied to: progesterone, for instance, tends to chill people out, so when it's lower, some people experience more anxiety.

On top of that, both of these things -- menstruation and menopause -- tend to come with, create their own, or be piled on to, with stress, which means the hormone cortisol is often in play in not-great ways, and that one has a huge impact on mood. Then there's the stuff related to both those things that isn't hormonal at all, but or social and cultural, that can and often does impact mood.

And if you want to see something in the hormone conversation (though about endorphins this time) that's also just cool and amazing, I was just sharing this with my staff at our morning meeting today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TxvBt4VFnE

[Andy]

Thank you both for those complex but easy-to-understand answers!

A have came up with a few other questions while reading them. I know there's a lot of them and I'm asking just out of (too much) curiosity so feel free to pick just some or none

You mentioned that some hormon levels can be affected by exercising, how does this work? And are there some other things that people can do with an effect on hormones as well?

Can different hormones affect levels or effects of others? For example can having a lot of one mean automatically having a lot/a little of another one? And how and from where, if there even is one such place, is the whole menstrual cycle controlled?

If I understand it right, the biggest hormonal fluctuations happen around ovulation - can there be some changes in mood for some people around this time as well?

And lastly, I've heard a lot of negative talk about hormonal contraception and other hormonal-based medicines, for instance that it causes infertility, cancer or psychological issues. I know that's probably not all true and that it's definitely more complicated, but is there any evidence that those medicines can really be so harmful for a lot of people?

(PS for Nicole: thanks again for the book recommendations! I'm not even half into Zami and I love it so so much. Especially the way she portraits growing up being and feeling different, and I love the real and raw but dreamy at the same time style of her writing as well.)

[Nicole]

Hey Theansweris42! First off, I am SO happy you are loving the Audre Lorde book. She is one of my favorite authors, and I admire her work. You described the vibe of the book perfectly! Also, I'm not sure if you're there yet, but the way she describes the dynamics of lesbian nightlife in NYC is super interesting to read about. It opens your eyes up to a whole other world.

Again, I asked Heather to look at your questions since some are in response to their post. I will also answer them to the best of my ability!

1. How can hormone levels be impacted by exercising? What other activities can affect hormones?

Yes, hormone levels can be impacted by exercise. Now that I think of it, many hormones are impacted by exercise. I know that the reduction of adrenaline occurs, which is the hormone responsible for stress, blood circulation, breathing, metabolism, etc. I also know that there is the production of endorphins, the hormone responsible for relieving pain and improving mood. There are so many more.

2. Can hormones impact the levels of other hormones? Where is the menstrual cycle controlled?

When you mention hormones impacting the levels of other hormones, I think of hormone imbalances, which can occur. One example is polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which you might have heard of. Also, if you want to know about the role of hormones in the menstrual cycle, I recommend looking into the article I suggested and linked in my previous post, "On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation."

4. Can there be changes in mood around ovulation?

Yes, this is typically due to the change in hormone levels.

5. Can hormonal contraception or other hormonal-based medicines be harmful?

Honestly, it depends. I'm on the pill, and I know it puts me at risk for blood clots, but I don't imagine that percentage being very high. I googled it, and it seems like only one in 3000 women per year. I have heard about birth control causing infertility or cancer. From some research, it looks like infertility is not as common. As for cancer, it depends on how long someone is on birth control, as the risk gets bigger the longer someone is on it. Also, I do know that anxiety and depression are common for people who are on the pill like myself.

I hope I answered your questions to the fullest!

[Heather]

I'm afraid I don't have much time today, so I'll be quick!

On the whole, no, having a lower level of one given hormone doesn't mean having more of the other because of that. But again, I think it's important to bear in mind that there's really no such thing as a static "level" for hormones, because they are always in flux. Remember: there are at least 50 hormones in the human body we know of, not just three, and our bodies don't operate the way we often think of them, with systems separate from each other. All of our systems have interplay to some degree, as do our hormones. And again, even the common framework of "balance" or "imbalance" is an iffy one, and like so many medical frameworks, has a bunch of ableism baked into it.

I want to repeat again that your hormones -- including those involved in the reproductive system -- are always in flux, and that is very much true about estrogen and progesterone, two involved in menstruation and fertility with FSH and LH, also super big players here. And again, how mood change around events like ovulation and menstruation isn't just about those two hormones. That all said, the path to and from ovulation is actually generally pretty gradual and smooth from day to day in most bodies, not something that's suddenly chaotic. And we can have changes in our moods every single day.

Here's a good explanation of the fertility/menstrual cycles and what's happening: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... _about_fam The hormones that "direct" all of this are secreted by the ovaries and the pituitary gland.

I always like to remind people that pregnancy is one of the riskiest health events there is. I think that's always massively important to keep in mind when we're talking about medications and devices that prevent pregnancy. All of the current methods out there have been so, so very studied -- almost no other medications, of all kinds of medications, have been studied as much as oral contraceptives, largely due to opposition to the pill from the start -- and tested, and we know that they are generally very safe. With some hormonal methods, as, again, with all medications, there will be some people who shouldn't take it because of risks or higher risks something about them or their health, but by and large, we know what those things are. Testing for methods is so, so rigorous. Most of what people say about risks with these are based in ignorance or bias, not science and other study.

No medication is safe for everyone. Aspirin isn't safe for some people, you know?

[Andy]

Again, thank you both so much!
(From years at school I know very well that I can get quite annoying with asking so many questions so I really appreciate that you take the time to answer in your limited time.

And thanks for the link to that article, I've somehow missed it before and I found it quite informational.

I hope one day I'll have a chance to Heather's book and others on those topics, there is so much I need to both unlearn and learn and there are so many potentially harmful frameworks that I've accepted without even thinking about it. I've realised how much stigma is in our family about many kinds of medication, I have to practically beg when I need painkillers or other things deemed "unnecessary" and I can't even imagine how harmful can this and similar approaches be on a much bigger whole-society scale.
The whole way you are talking about all those medical topics is so totally different from what I've experienced with all health care providers here, that's why I'm so curious about it, so just out of curiosity, is the general approach at least a bit different and better in the US?

And also one question regarding me personally, a doctor said she wants to make blood test to evaluate my hormone levels and then eventually do something about them. What might that doing something mean, medication or something else?

Anyway, I wish happy New Year's celebrations to those who like them and as peaceful day as possible to those who don't and to your pets.
Thank you all for the advice, community, information, support, kindness and hope that you're giving me all year around and which I so desperately want and need sometimes

[Carly]

Hey 42 -- happy new year to you as well! I'm sure Heather will chime in if they have more thoughts on what you asked, in the meantime I'll jump in. I'm glad you've been able to identify some stuff to unlearn/learn, I feel like this is half the battle most of the time. As for what the approach is like here in the US, I'd say that it's still pretty rooted in the same kind of harmful medical frameworks you're gesturing to and our healthcare system is very, very dysfunctional. This approach to care isn't something that everyone experiences unless they're luck enough to stumble upon a healthcare provider that values it. If Heather has more to add, I'm sure they will.

As for what "doing something" about your hormone levels means, balancing hormones can be done through hormone therapy which, from what I know, can be in the form of a medication. Your doctor might also advise some habit changes to increase or decrease certain hormones. This can be everything from getting better sleep to exercising more to quitting smoking, etc.

Hope this helps a little bit!

[Heather]

I do just want to be a bit of a nag and make a general reminder to all that the idea we can "balance" hormones is actually not a fact-based framework. There are a good amount of articles on this, but here's one that sums the major issues with this up pretty succinctly (and these are all OB/GYNs chiming in on this): https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wel ... cologists/

I don't know what "doing something about" means either, and I don't know for a lot of reasons. Which hormones? Is there anything to suggest that something going on with your endocrine system (hormones) is creating health issues for you? What is that? What are the current treatment options for whatever that is?

Sometimes, btw, I have noticed that healthcare providers will use terms like "hormones" for what they think is easy shorthand for patients when they are actually talking about much more complex things or conditions that have names. I think it tends to be more confusing for people than clarifying, especially given how little most of us accurately know about all of our hormones, but so it goes. Same goes for the general stink-eye I am going to give any healthcare provider who says they want to do something about a thing they have not even yet evaluated to know if it is even a thing in the first place. That's just poor form, period.

You do always have the option though, as a patient, to respond to things like this with something like, "What do you mean you want to do something about my hormones levels? What hormones levels? Why do you think they are problems? What are the things we are talking about?"

[Andy]

Thank you for your answers and input!
These are all so interesting and very important things for me to learn.

I'm sorry your healtcare system isn't good, it must be really hard and frustrating. I'm not sure if it would be even possible to find a provider with more "progressive" approach here either, but at least basic health care is free for almost everyone here.

As for my health problems, I won't go into detail as I know this is not a place for it and I'm not good at talking about it anyway. But to at least answer you question (sorry if it was a rhetorical one), the doctor was namely speaking about testosterone (because she thought there might be a reason for frequent ovarian cysts) and also mentioned thyroid hormones (because I used to have problems with it as well), but it's more than possible that I've misunderstood or missed something as it happens quite often when I'm nervous. But she isn't an endocrinologist nor gynecologist so I don't understand why would she even care about those things.
Honestly, I'm thinking of just not coming there again if my parents won't force me. I'm just so tired of hearing and feeling like there is something wrong with me all the time, both physically and mentally. I'm tired of always having some problems, never serious enough to need urgent help or to make anyone else concerned but always bad enough to be always on my mind and make me feel bad and different. Doctors keep sending me to one another like a hot potato, not knowing how to help but not wanting to let me go either. In the end I just feel like an over sensitive attention-seeking pretender. It's like I was made to spend my life in pain and not belonging anywhere or I'm just too weak to get over it.

Well, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks again for the interesting conversation about hormones, I'm hoping to read about it and learn more when I have some free time. I'll be back when I have some something at least a little productive to talk about.

[Heather]

Honestly, I'm thinking of just not coming there again if my parents won't force me. I'm just so tired of hearing and feeling like there is something wrong with me all the time, both physically and mentally. I'm tired of always having some problems, never serious enough to need urgent help or to make anyone else concerned but always bad enough to be always on my mind and make me feel bad and different. Doctors keep sending me to one another like a hot potato, not knowing how to help but not wanting to let me go either. In the end I just feel like an over sensitive attention-seeking pretender. It's like I was made to spend my life in pain and not belonging anywhere or I'm just too weak to get over it.

This is sooooooooooo relatable, especially for any of us who have dealt with chronic illness, who have inhabited a body or identity our community and culture systematically considers wrong or deviant in some way, or both.

These are very real feelings, and I hope you'll honor them. By all means, it is always okay to get off, pause, or wholly reroute the healthcare wagon when you are feeling this way, no matter what your medical issues (or lack thereof) are.

I'm really glad to see you express these feelings. I think that if you can really go with them then yeah, you're bound to start feeling much more positive about yourself, because who wouldn't if they massively turned the volume down on all the people and systems that kept presenting them as a problem. <3

[Andy]

Thank you so much, feeling validated is one of the best feelings I know, thank you for that <3

[Andy]

Well, I wanted to give you all a little break from me but something that I want your opinion on has happend and I also want to just share it with someone.
So, for the first time ever a boy had asked me out and said he really likes me. (And I haven't even figured out what that means for me, it has been so relieving to hear that I'm not unlovable after those years of self consciousness but at the same time I'm so confused and full of self doubts since). Anyway, back to the point, we went out, talked a lot, he was pretty nervous and I was too, he didn't said outright he wants a romantic relationship but used a lots of metaphors that suggest that, in the end what I 'agreed' to was that we would like to get to know each other better and hang out more often. Which I really want to, we've been in the same class for seven years but we never talked much and he's been just someone who I admired for his original style.
And I really enjoyed talking with him today, it's been such a long time since I've felt so happy and lively around someone. But I don't know if that was because of him or just because I didn't want to let him down and talking with someone who really wants to spend time with me, has a lot of interesting stuff to say but likes to listen too is such a rare and treasured occasion for me.

So the thing is, I've told him without being able to think it through, that I'd like to spend more time with him, which after some time I still want to but at the same time I know he will probably want a romantic relationship down the road (if he doesn't find out I'm not as perfect as he initially thought). And I don't think it's fair to him to not tell him how I really feel - that being: I'm almost sure I don't want a relationship with him, I'm absolutely sure I wouldn't be a good partner for anyone now. And ther are also other things  that would not be fair towards him: I'm afraid my parents wouldn't approve of him even as a friend, I haven't felt any strong attraction towards man for a while and also literally any physical contact, even a short hug, is something I'm not used to and bad at.

I know that the right thing to do would be to tell him all this honestly so he could decide if he would still like to get closer. But the selfish part of me doesn't want to do that, I'm also not sure if I'd be able to be so open with him, I don't even know if he is that kind of person who likes to talk about things like that in depth and seriously.

Sorry if I'm overthinking it too much, it's just that I've had zero positive experience with dating so just this simple conversation has brought out so many different thoughts and feelings, ranging from "how amazing it would be to have someone to talk, explore indie coffeeshops and go on walks with" to "It's so scary to have such power over someone's heart, I don't deserve it and I'm so scared I'll hurt him unintentionally"...

Well, I'm grateful for being able to share this here and any comments or advice are appreciated!

[Michaela]

Hi theansweris42,

It was great to catch up on your thread and read about the dive into hormones and also to see how you are navigating your own healthcare and emotions about your health!

It's amazing to hear that you had such a good time with him, genuinely connecting with others is one of the best parts of life, in my opinion, and something everyone should have. From my understanding, it seems like you've come to realize that you do need to have that conversation about how you don’t want to have a romantic relationship, but you are right that can be incredibly scary because it is giving away control over the situation-- and as humans, that does not always come very easily. I don't think it matters how much experience someone has, these types of conversations paired with some NRE (even if just in a friendship way) will surely leave anyone's head spinning with quite a lot of worry too.

You mentioned that having this conversation would be seen as "deep and serious" which can definitely play a part in making it more nerve-wracking. How I have approached conversations like this is to think of it as being as honest and vulnerable with the person because I care about them and do want to continue a relationship with them although maybe not in a romantic way. It also does not have to necessarily be a massive conversation but a few sentences you say and then he responds to or thinks about and responds to later. Would it be helpful to read some examples of kind but also honest ways you could approach this conversation? Or would you like to brainstorm and run by us some potential ways you might express to him how you are feeling?

[Andy]

Hi, so nice to hear from you! And thank you for your thoughts, they are really comforting.

I guess just the fact that as soon as I said goodbye to him I started thinking about how to tell him we can't be anything else than friend, means this conversation is bound to happen.
But I think it'd be kind of stupid to tell him that I changed my mind just a day after I said that I'd like to spend more time with him, even though didn't say anything about romantic relationship at all, but I'm quite sure that's what it meant to him.
And as for being too "deep and serious", what can many people express in a few short messages, I often need whole essays for, like you all already know. And I've been told several times that I'm taking things too seriously/overthinking everything/that noone would like a girl that's trying to philosophy like that etc. And there are also some things I really don't want to say him or anyone else but I feel like not mentioning something that plays a part would be like lying.
And lastly I'm so afraid I'll hurt him, he's a really sensitive and anxious person, he shared how hard it is for him when there is so much societal pressure on all men to appear tough and in control of themselves and their relationshis. And I fear that if I dismiss him so soon he will feel like I was just playing with him and using his vulnerability.

And above all I feel like I'm just really taking it too seriously, most people I know experienced those stages of relationships about 5 years ago at least and now see as important and complicated only stuff as sex, cheating, permanent relationships etc. And here I am not being able to sleep or concentrate just because one classmate told me he likes me and I'm unable to solve this one small problem... It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to overcome those feelings and fear and be a good partner for anyone...

Anyway, any ideas are appreciated. I was thinking something like
"hi, it was great hanging out with you, I really enjoyed it. I was thinking about it and I'd really love to get to know you better and hang out more often but I think it's fair to tell you I'm not up for a romantic relationship just yet (if I understand it right and that's what you want). It has nothing to do with you and we can talk more about my reasons for it if you want. I'm sorry, but I feel it's better to say that sooner rather than later when it might be harder for both of us. If you'd like to talk about it more or not talk at all for a while, or you need anything else, just let me know, I absolutely understand. If it seems to you like I'm taking it too seriously, trust me the only reason for that is that I really like you and want to be honest with you"

Could something along these lines work?

[Sam W]

Hi Theansweris42,

I think you might only need the first part of that message to him as a starting place; it communicates what you need it to and gives some of your reasons for why you're sending it. I think the sentences after "harder for both of us" might be good ones to hold off on until you see how he reacts, and then you can apply them as necessary; right now it feels like you're trying to get out ahead of any possible reaction or need he might have around this, and while that's a thoughtful starting place it can sometimes lead to you and the person you're communicating with both feeling a bit overwhelmed by the conversation. Does that make sense?

For what it's worth, I don't think there's anything wrong about being deep and serious; some people are just like that, both in terms of how their brains work and how they prefer to communicate. Now, can it be helpful to learn ways to have those surface level conversations or not dive too deep into every situation or problem? Absolutely. But those are skills that can be learned, and having that tendency to be deep and serious doesn't mean you'll be without connections to other people.

[Andy]

Hi and thanks, that makes a lot of sense

You're right, trying to forsee all possible reactions is exactly what I'm unintentionally doing. From what I know it might be anywhere between "whatever, I realized I don't care about you anyway" and a painful heartbreak, because what he shared about his feelings seemed pretty intense. I guess that because I feel like I'm just not good at communicating I'm trying to compensate it with this "over-thoughtfulness" so thank you for helping me realise that.
I'll hopefully talk with him about it tomorrow, mainly because we don't have to meet at school during the weekend but I admit that also because I'm so selfishly desperate for at least one more nice afternoon of talking with him. It's unbelievable how just a few kind words from someone boosted some parts of my confidence and left me feeling so emptional but mostly happy.
And maybe I'll have enough courage to bring this up in person because I know he prefers communicating like that and if I can't do anything else for him I believe it's fair to at least deliver the information in the most comfortable way for him.

[Sam W]

I'm glad that feedback was helpful! And I've definitely been there on the "maybe I can predict every single outcome" train of thought.

I don't think it's selfish to want to have another nice afternoon with him; it sounds like the two of you did have a nice time and got along well, and wanting/enjoying that kind of connection is a pretty understandable feeling. Too, while it's good to be prepared for the outcome of him not wanting to continuing meeting, it might help to remember that he could be equally okay with being friends rather than in a romantic relationship.

[Andy]

Hi and thank you for the reassurance!

In case someone was interested how it went, I texted him that and he answered in quite kind and understanding way and said he would like to keep spending time together. I'm kind of proud of myself for doing that, even though it took me one hour to make myself send the text and nearly two hours to gather enough courage to read his answer. I really hope I'll learn to deal with similar things better over time. I'm a little confused why he mostly ignored my at school today, but there are many possible reasons for that, he might be shy or just don't want people to see him talking with me, I guess, I'm not very high on the imaginary school popularity list.

Anyway, I also have one other topic and a question. You might remember that I talked a lot about how my parents made me go to a psychologist who was also my mum's friend. Interestingly, when the appointment was over they seemed to completely forget about that. But now mu mum has apparently met up with the psychologist and they discussed me. I'm not sure if she told my mum everything, I think she'd be more angry in that case, but that she was even willing to talk about me just doesn't seem right. I probably should have read those policies and terms I had to sign, I tried but I was too nervous to do that. But I believe she told me everything is strictly confidential. It's not a huge deal for me, I didn't share anything important that I didn't want my parents to know too and I kind of expected this to happen. But I'm thinking of writing her an email that I'm not happy about her sharing things I told her with my mum and think that it's not okay and might be even violation of guidelines and lead to harm of her clients in other cases. I hope she might realise her mistake and be more careful with other clients. Because what is not a big problem in my case could very easily be harmful or dangerous in other situations. But I'm not sure if I'm in a place to criticise her or if I'm really trying to potentially help other clients or just want some kind of a personal revenge. What do you think?

[Mo]

Oh gosh, I don't know what was in the policies you had to sign, and there may have been something in there that said she could discuss what you said in a session with other people, but if that's the case I don't think it was ethical to go ahead with the session without verbally discussing it with you as well. You had every reason to believe that what you said was confidential!

I don't think contacting her has to be about revenge! I think it's fine to say that this surprised and upset you, and that you thought the conversation you had was going to stay private.

[Andy]

In the end I didn't get to write her anything at all, my mum found out I was about to contact her and threatened and begged me in tears not to do that. She's probably right, this family has enough problems at the moment for me to selfishly potentionally create new ones. And it's not very likely the psychologist would change her approach to her clients based on my feedback... I really need to learn to not be so invested in everything and want to take justice in my own hands when I know nothing about it. Anyway, thanks for the validation and support nonetheless

[Michaela]

Hey 42,

I first off want to say that I do not think that it is selfish to want to protect your own privacy and agency as well as to look out for her other clients. I also do not think that was a fair thing for your mother to ask of you because your intention was to speak up and advocate for yourself in a situation that made you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry that it ended up how it did because that is never something that you should be shamed or silenced from doing. I can only speak for this situation but to me, it does not sound like you are being over-invested because it seems like your reaction is entirely justified and deserved (If it helps to know, I would have reacted with similar feelings to someone breaching my confidentiality because it is a huge violation of trust, no matter if you anticipated it happening or not).

[Andy]

Hi and thank you for the reassurance and sharing your point of view, it really made me feel better <3

I also realized that I wasn't that much angry that she told those specific things to my mum  but rather that she violated some 'principle'. And while that was probably in no way okay, it doesn't mean she did something unapologetically terrible (just like it's principally wrong to steal but there's a big difference between taking two rolls and robbing a bank). So because I can't email her or talk about it with her in any other way I can at least find some comfort in a hope that she'd act differently in more serious situations with other clients. After all I don't believe she meant to do any harm and she couldn't have known I'd be that sensitive about my parents knowing things.

I also realized how grateful I am for the chance to come here with different topics and ask for opinion of someone who isn't my parents. Because I have to learn to form good opinions and make good decisions on my own if I want to be an independent adult, and having more perspectives, and among those yours, is, I believe, invaluable for learning that.

[Nicole]

Hey theansweris42!

I’m glad you are reaching out to us for insight and have a strong desire to be more independent! I agree with the comments from the other staff/volunteers, I don’t think it would be bad to reach out. I know your mom didn’t react well to the idea but what this therapist did is extremely inappropriate. It’s ultimately your choice but it is ideal to start advocating for yourself now since that’ll prepare you for doing so in future circumstances.

Okay, you have every reason to be upset about this, whether it be the fact that this was highly unethical or that she violated your trust. Either way, this is not how a psychological professional should act and to be completely honest, these type of people should not have practices. Coming from a psychology student and someone who is planning to pursue counseling, this is unapologetically terrible. I don’t want to make you upset as I know you seem carefree, but I want you to consider how wrong this is in the field. Also, I know you mentioned that there were many policies and terms that you didn’t get a chance to read before signing off—don’t blame yourself! Again, what this therapist did is not okay whatsoever. It almost comes off as sneaky. It was already concerning that the therapist knew your parents but we already spoke about that. Overall, I’m really sorry you were thrown into this situation.

I hope my insight gives you an idea of what to do next. I think it might benefit to even sit down and have a session with the therapist and your mom. Or just never see this therapist again. What are you thinking?

[Andy]

Hi and thank you for your insight and comforting words!
And all the best in your studies for a counselor, I'm sure you'll be a great one!

In the end I didn't write her and I won't, I got the 'closure' I needed for myself when I, thanks to you, realised I had the right to be upset and write her about it. It would be probably good to let her know about it but I think it'd wouldn't be worth it as it is very probable my mum would find out and get really upset. And she made it very clear she is at the verge od her emotional capacity lately and I don't want to cause her any more pain unnecessary than I already do. And for the same reason I don't want a session with her and the therapist even though she offered it to me, I just can't see what good it would bring.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for helping me deal with this situation! No questions today, I don't have much time and capacity left for thinking about myself these days. But I guess I'll be back soon anyway.

[Nicole]

Hey theansweris42,

I'm glad that you found some closure through my response! It's still super important to advocate for yourself when you feel comfortable; however, I understand you didn't want to upset your mom. Please let us know if there's anything else we can do for you. Sometimes it's good to just keep yourself busy, but just make sure you're taking care of yourself!