i think im making progress!!!

[SillyMcGoof_]

hi!! so pls lmk if this level of detail isn’t allowed but i just kinda wanted to word vomit about something that happened today. if you read our other messages you probably know that we’ve been struggling with the topic of masturbation and our relationship with our body (specifically as a system thats bodily ace and a transmasc teen and isn’t the most conventionally attractive)

but something happened today that makes me think that we’re making some progress. so i think we successfully masturbated today which was definitely an interesting experience. we’ve had dreams where we masturbated before where in the dream it felt somewhat similar but we still didn’t expect it to feel the way it did. so like i think i found the clit??? maybe? the thing in particular i was stimulating felt like kind of felt like a bump thing around the top of the vulva and the tip of said bump/lump felt hard and more sensitive?? not sure if that was the clit or something else but thats my main guess.

now onto the event itself: basically it felt kinda good n stuff in the beginning but then after a few minutes i just felt this intense feeling throughout my body thats hard to describe. i think that might’ve been an orgasm/me finishing or something but im not sure as i am very new to all of this.

after that feeling stopped we were debating on whether or not we should keep going bc we didn’t know if we were really done but we felt kinda done at that point so we stopped. we kinda just felt tired and a bit dizzy afterwards? also like a bit shaky? we also just felt extremely calm, like more calm than we’ve felt in a long time (for context we have multiple anxiety/stress disorders).

we’ve also been getting some interesting feelings in our vulva which are hard to describe, not super sure what thats from.

also i think we’re getting better in terms of our dysphoria relating to our vulva and using said vulva for pleasure. we still need to work on it bc we still can get dysphoric and stuff but we’re making progress!!

so yeah i just kinda wanted to give a bit of an update on everything and perhaps get some answers to some of the questions/concerns mentioned earlier in this message (no pressure tho, ofc)!!! we still have a lot of work to do but we’re getting somewhere!! :))

[Sam W]

Hi SillyMcGoof_ ,

I'm glad to hear you getting to know your body and pleasure a bit better! By the way, it does sound like you've found your clitoris; the position and the level of sensitivity matches with that.

[SillyMcGoof_]

thank you!! also thats good to know, i was kinda confused because i didn’t really expect my clitoris to feel like how it did when i touched it judging by the anatomical diagrams that i’ve seen. i kinda more expected it to feel more distinct if that makes sense, like a larger, more firm lump/bump or something (although i also might just have a smaller clitoris). what i felt was more like a bump that was softer around the edges but more hard at the tip (atleast while i was masturbating) so hopefully that was what it was! hopefully i’ll continue to get better with my dysphoria and my relationship with my body in the future