feeling shame watching porn?

[Venz42]

I'm currently over a year on T now and it has impacted my sexuality in so many ways, one of which is that my libido has increased significantly and I've been masturbating more to satisfy those urges.

I've been turning to porn to help get me off but I couldn't help but feel a little disgusted with myself afterwards? Which is strange because I remember masturbating to erotic fanfiction when I was younger and not feeling terrible afterwards, but now visual porn is intense and visceral enough to keep my attention and arouse me, and yet I feel a little disgusted afterwards by how intense it was.

Now when I try to masturbate without the aid of porn, I do end up finishing but I feel a little bored during it? (I have been diagnosed with ADHD so my attention does waver easily)

I don't know what to make of my porn use. Help?

[Sam W]

Hi Venz42,

So, I want to start by saying that there's nothing inherently wrong or disgusting with using porn as part of masturbation. The concern here is more that something about this has been leaving you feeling crummy afterwards, which I imagine makes the whole thing less pleasurable overall. Do you feel like it's the content of what you're watching that's leaving you feeling that way? Or do you think it's more to do with it being visual, rather than written?

[Venz42]

It's quite likely the intensity of it? I'm also thinking since visual porn tends to have less emotional content compared to the erotica I would read, especially since my sexuality is so tied with intimacy and emotions for me?

I'm not so sure how to make sense of how i feel about my porn use since i sometimes crave it but when i do engage with it, i feel a little crummy afterwards. i guess it would be better to try erotica again but i find it less able to keep my attention, and i very often crave the intensity of visual porn?

[Sam W]

You can absolutely try written porn again, especially if you know it's something you've enjoyed in the past. Too, it may be worth spending some time looking for visual porn that does tend to have that emotional component; there are definitely porn companies and actors out there who create videos that involve more complex stories and focus on the connection between the characters/actors.