struggles in fantasy

[SillyMcGoof_]

hello! over the past few weeks i’ve had a few troubles in terms of fantasy, and i wanted ti share some of them to maybe get some advice on how to help with it.

1) i’ve generally just been having trouble thinking of things to fantasize about that will keep me engaged and aroused. for me it’s difficult for a few reasons: i dont have interest having sex with a partner that is not in my system, and im ace, so that narrows down the options a bit, and also i just have a really hard time thinking of a fantasy out of nowhere that will keep me engaged and aroused. this is probably partially due to me not knowing what i like yet, but idk its just really hard to think of stuff out of nowhere for me, partially due to me being autistic and stuff.

2) sometimes i have dreams with very sexual scenarios in them (wet dreams, if you will), and the stuff happening in the dream is very appealing when im sleeping, but when i try to translate it into fantasy it just doesn’t do it for me and idk why.

3) i’ve tried porn to aid me in all this, but im a bit limited to what i consume, mainly bc the only kinds of porn i like is irl masturbation porn, and drawn porn, which limits it a bit. and also when i try to fantasize about something going off of some of that, its really hard for me to stay engaged and sometimes it just doesn’t do it for me.

there may be more struggles that im having but i cant think of them atm, and hopefully this all makes sense. does anyone have any advice regarding this?

thanks!

[Heather]

Hey there.

So, you know, if you're not really feeling it when it comes to being sexual, it's fine not to be.

In other words, you don't have to try and come up with things to turn you on to be sexual with yourself. You can instead simply let those things show up when they do, and then be sexual in response when that happens (if you want to and can at the time). That it's a struggle is, I think, a good clue for you to see that you may be be coming at this in a way that isn't really conducive to pleasure.

This is really just kind of what it's like to learn about our sexualities over time: experiencing and observing, more than trying to make feelings happen and find out what does that. Does that make sense?

[SillyMcGoof_]

i actually havent thought if it that way, that makes alot of sense!!! thank you!!

[Heather]

Happy to help.