How do I "pop" my hymen without pain

[ImNervousLol]

TLDR: How do I pop my hymen without pain?

I'm 18 and I've always had some troubles with my vagina, I never found the hole until I was 17 and for the longest time I was convinced I had vaginismus since everything that tried to go up there hurt me, I've never used tampons before. The last couples of weeks I've been determined to actually be able to do penetration like a normal woman, all I'm able to do is insert a single finger in (while relaxed and turned on).
Buying lube really helped, when I tried inserting a second finger I managed to properly understand what the problem was, it's my hymen. When using two fingers I could notice how right at the entrance there was some extremally tight skin that caused me quite some pain while the rest of the way in felt ok. I know the way most women lose their hymens is with PiV sex but, aside from the fact I'm a lesbian and single, the idea of pushing a dildo or something big in scares me, as even in my most relaxed turned on state a mere finger is hard and painful to achieve.

Is there a way to properly do this? What's the best way to go around it?

some visual representation:
[image removed by moderator]

[Sam W]

Hi ImNervousLol,

I think an important piece of information to start out with is that the hymen isn't something that can be "popped" in the first place. What most people call the hymen is actually a structure called the Vaginal Corona, which is a flexible mucous membrane rather than a brittle strip of skin that can be popped or punctured. Too, while sex can contribute to the Vaginal Corona wearing away, a whole bunch of things (vaginal discharges, hormonal changes, menses, masturbation, to name a few) wear it away as well, so meaning it's likely already in the process of being worn away. If you want to learn about that in more detail, check this out: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

I hear you expressing a desire to insert things into your vagina because it's the "normal" thing to do, but it might help to remember that there isn't really a normal when it comes to sex. Yes, there are things that are more or less common, but what feels like a totally normal and enjoyable way of engaging in sex/masturbation for one person can feel totally strange or unpleasant to another. So, with that in mind, is inserting things during masturbation even something you want to be doing? Or do you find it's more fun to focus on external stimulation or other activities?

EDITED TO ADD: I did remove the image you included, since we don't allow users to include images in their posts for safety and privacy reasons.