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Talking to partner about insecuritys?

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Depressed mess
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Talking to partner about insecuritys?

Unread post by Depressed mess »

My partner and I have been together for over 3 months now(?)
And I love them a lot, but I also feel a bit awkward bringing up things on my mind, especially insecurities. We generally have some pretty good communication but lately I’ve been wanting to talk about my body insecurities. I’m 240ish lbs and have a lot of scars and stuff. Recently all the weight loss ads and stuff have been getting to me, and I feel kinda unloveable. It’s mostly just a little nagging bit of my brain, and it’s not bad enough to cause any real issues (I don’t care what other people think for the most part)
But when it comes to my love life i feel worse about myself, like they deserve someone pretty and kind who can be there for them, not someone ugly and depressed like me. I’m not sure if I should bring this up to them, or if I do how I should

Advice would be great
Sam W
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Re: Talking to partner about insecuritys?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Depressed mess,

This is definitely something you can bring up to your partner, especially if you sense they'd be supportive and try to help you feel better. Would it be helpful for us to start by using this space as place to brainstorm how to have that conversation?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Depressed mess
not a newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2023 9:19 pm
Age: 16
Primary language: English
Pronouns: It/its
Sexual identity: Demiromantic(?) omnisexual
Location: US

Re: Talking to partner about insecuritys?

Unread post by Depressed mess »

Yeah that would be really helpful
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Talking to partner about insecuritys?

Unread post by Sam W »

Okay! So, a helpful starting place would be to think about what you want to come from the conversation. Are there particular things you'd like them do with what you tell them? Is it more about getting the feeling off your chest? Something else?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Depressed mess
not a newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2023 9:19 pm
Age: 16
Primary language: English
Pronouns: It/its
Sexual identity: Demiromantic(?) omnisexual
Location: US

Re: Talking to partner about insecuritys?

Unread post by Depressed mess »

I guess something I kinda want to ask them about is complements about my physical appearance sometimes. I work hard not to rely on others for self worth but also as this is mostly a problem when it comes to my romantic relationship complements seem like they might be nice.
As our relationship is online and we were already really close before either of us knew what the other looked like. And they’re ace, physical anything was never really part of our relationship but i feel like it might help me feel a bit more comfortable

But idk
Heather
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Re: Talking to partner about insecuritys?

Unread post by Heather »

It's okay to ask for verbal affirmation like this! And even if they're ace, they probably have things that aesthetically appeal to them about you, whether or not those things are sexual.

To ask for this from a partner, you can say something like, "I would really love some more verbal affirmation from you when it comes to my body. It makes me feel good about myself. Could you try and let me know more often what and how you appreciate my body with words?"
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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